Trying Not To

[Olinick]

I have a history of cutting myself but I have been doing really good the past six months. Now work is extremely frustrating for me and I am starting to fall back into my old habits when life gets to be too much. First I started stopping at the store and buying a cake to have for dinner which makes me sick and of course gain weight. Then I started spending hours playing computer games, which I don't even enjoy doing. Now I only want to start cutting. I find myself at night, playing the games and thinking about getting the razor blade out again so I can start to cut. I haven't done it yet but I feel like I am getting closer to doing it again. My thoughts are that at least now the weather is getting colder so I will have long sleeves on so no one would see the cuts on my arms and hoping the scars will have disappeared or at least faded by spring. Someone here once talked about using ice to stop the feeling of cutting. Maybe I will try that.

[itsfine]

I'm right there with you. I promise you, cutting will only make you feel worse. I recently broke my clean streak on a really bad night and it only made me more anxious. When you feel the urge to cut, try playing some music or taking a hot shower to relax. This helps for me at least. Best of luck and stay safe xx

[Olinick in reply to itsfine]

Thank you for your response. I made it through last night without cutting so my six months streak is still going.

[NCAQuilter]

As you already know from past experience, cutting only brings more problems than it solves. When you are anxious and stressed, maybe you can try to do something else. Can you take a break from work? Have you discovered what it is about work that stresses you? Can you talk to your supervisor to see what can be done about lessening your stress? I wouldn't mention the cutting or depression, just the stress. Are there other tasks you could take in exchange for the ones causing stress? If a co-worker is the problem, can you change your work area?

At night, when you're tied in knots, is there a friend you could visit? Or a safe place you could go, like volunteering at a children's shelter for a couple hours at night? When you are on the computer, maybe writing a letter to a friend or legislator, friend, sibling, long lost friend would be more fulfilling than games. Or research something of interest. I do history and genealogy. A hobby can be very distracting. I quilt and embroider, skills easily learned.

Keeping all cutting devices out of the house is extremely important, especially now that you are considering cutting again! If even knives are a consideration for you, get rid of them! Amazingly, now days one doesn't need razors for grooming, or knives for cooking/eating. Even if you felt you did need these items, making do for a short time is better than cutting right now, don't you think?

I hope I've given you some ideas to start you thinking of distractions when you're thinking of cutting. But, there is one other area to cover. Your doctor. Have you talked with your doctor about the trouble you're having? Are there meds you could be taking to help you get through this period? Distractions, as wonderful as they are for the short term, may not be enough to fight strong urges. That is the time for medical intervention. Even a visit to an emergency room is better than one cut!

I hope very much these ideas help you. Your urges are telling you that you need something in your life right now. It isn't cutting. Please try to find what you really need.

[Olinick]

Thank you for the suggestions. Actually what ended up happening last night was similar to what you suggested. My mother was an artist and I have dabbled in it off and on over the years. My mother died in June and so I am no longer her caregiver which is giving me some free time. Some friends had been encouraging me to do more with art, as they keep saying I have talent. One of them, who is an artist herself has been giving me art lessons the past several months. For the first time I am working with color instead of sketching in black and white. So after I had done this post last night I went into the living room, put on the baseball playoffs (Go Red Sox!) and started drawing. Before I knew it I wasn't even thinking about cutting. I was getting ready to go to bed and realized I had made it through that time. Tonight I kept myself busy with the playoffs and correcting papers so never went on the computer to play games, which is when I am likely to start thinking about the day and getting stressed. It felt good to make it through the urges though.

I am going to my therapist on Saturday and will be able to fill her in. Unfortunately my psychiatrist has recently left his practice and I am without that kind of doctor at this time. My regular doctor is willing to prescribe my meds as long as I stay stable. So I may have to pursue looking for another doctor. I will discuss that with the therapist on Saturday as well.

[Olinick]

Thank you for your response. I made it through the urges last night. I started drawing and watching the baseball playoffs and got so involved with that I forgot about the urges. It did feel good to know I didn't ruin my 6 months streak. I am aiming for 7 months.

[crowningglory19]

Hi there, so glad you reached out! Some thing that help with those feelings are these: Taking magnesium malate and ginseng calm the mind body and spirit and get rid of sticky negative thoughts very well. Also, get outside, lay on grass and that will help you feel healthier too. If you can, start volunteering in something to your passions and it will help you too. With Vol. you only have to do what you can and want, so it isn't too much. Many times when we crave sweets we need water, try drinking water first. Also, healthy fats, (any natural fats really) trigger the brains satisfaction link and then the sweets are not so tempting. I'm going to start doing a short walk in mornings, not hard exercise, just a little fresh air to start day. I think that will be great this time of year, too.