Can’t do anything right.... 😢

My spouse was angered by a post I put on Facebook about plans for Thanksgiving. I mentioned that his mother always had the family over to her house for Thanksgiving. She passed away earlier this year so I posted how everyone would miss her this year. I have him blocked from seeing anything I post on Facebook, but made the mistake of tagging him in the post. He asked me in disgust.... “Why would you put something private like that on Facebook for everyone to see?” WOW... DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!! He has criticized me before on other Facebook posts. I should have left well enough alone. In his eyes, I can’t do anything right. Now I’m in my room and have deactivated my account. I guess I embarrassed him because he just told me through the door that he is shutting his account down too. 37 years of marriage down the tubes. I didn’t sign up for this kind of hell!!! 😢

[Hidden]

I would see that as a red flag- he immediately responded with anger over something he didn’t approve of. I personally would try to talk to him by telling him “I understand you didn’t like what I said, but you got angry instead of calmy talking to me about it. If you would rather criticize me for what I do or say that you don’t approve of, this is no longer an equal partnership and I deserve better”. I’m not saying it would be easy but standing up for yourself is worth it. marriage should be an equal partnership based on trust and you deserve that.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your advice! There are more red flags than I can count on both hands. I want so bad to leave him but I’m afraid to because I’m on a fixed income. He is the root of the majority of my breakdowns. In his mind, he does no wrong. I truly believe he wants out of the marriage but doesn’t have the balls to make the first move.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I see. It can be difficult to just leave when you rely on them and have been together awhile. you still hope they’ll change and things will get better but If he doesn’t think he’s wrong, he’s not going to change. It sounds like ‘having the balls’ to leave isn’t why he stays, it sounds like he just wants to be in control and he can’t control you if the marriage is over and you leave.

[Tedddy]

It sounds like he is overreacting and controlling. Maybe he's still grieving about his mother's death so seeing a random mention of her makes him sad or angry. Maybe he's more private than you are so that's just not something he would share. But if you're an open person, writing something like that isn't that big of a deal. Have you two ever tried couples counseling? It can be SO helpful in dealing with events like this. I hope you guys work things out! Deactivating your whole account because he got mad seems extreme, maybe just delete the post?

[dee_bells]

Love letters,

I’ve been married almost 29 years and my hubby can be a jerk! Obviously your husband is sensitive about his mom. I would reactivate my account and never tag him again. You live and learn.

I just blocked my hubby and he was shocked about it. I told him I didn’t like his comments about wedding day or marriage. He said they were just jokes. Well, carry on with your jokes—I don’t need to see them.

Man are funny/strange but don’t let it get you down. Shake it off and don’t worry about it. 😁😁😁🌸🌸🌸🌸💕💕💕

[Hidden]

Hi dee_bells,

Thank you so much for your advice!

I did a lot for his mom during the final five years of her life. She never drove a car so she depended on me to take her to doctor appts, grocery store, shopping and anywhere she needed to go. He asked me to take her because was working part time and playing golf. At one point, I even cancelled a vacation with my daughter and granddaughters to be with her at the hospital for a pulmonary embolism. In January, he was in Arizona for his annual winter getaway when his mother passed away and I stayed home because of her mother’s ongoing health issues. And now he laughs at me for asking him why he was so upset for a post about having our family’s first Thanksgiving without her. I’ve been nothing but his puppet. This puppet is about to check out....

[Eowyn7 in reply to Hidden]

You should do what will make you happy in the long run. One incident alone isn't enough to know whether this is abuse, but you know better than anyone if you are being treated unfairly in the big picture.

If being happy long term means some short term financial struggles, pain of discussing a breakup, do it anyway. You are worth it and deserve to be happy!

[Hidden in reply to Eowyn7]

He just recorded me on video!!! He is a master at psychological manipulation. Not the first time he’s done it. I have nothing left to live for!!!

[Eowyn7 in reply to Hidden]

You do have things to live for! Your adorable doggies for one! You don't have to put up with his BS. I wish I could help you find a new place to live, I hope that you can find someone nearby that can help you. His actions only reflect poorly on him, not you.