Hi, does anyone else make to do lists and then you can’t seem to follow through to complete any of the tasks? I have been telling myself I need to clean my closet or at least arrange it so I can walk in it... but when the weekend comes I just lay in bed and waste my Saturday and Sunday away.... Ive been so deeply depressed for 2 years that my living environment has gotten out of control. Yesterday, I somehow was able to clean up my kitchen (to my standards) and then my boyfriend tracked in mud all over the kitchen floor from the backyard. I told him to clean it up and he responded by saying big deal, u clean the kitchen once after not cleaning for a year and a half and expect me to jump when u tell me to... he’s been the one doing all the cleaning for nearly 2 years. He’s self centered and done being supportive of my depression. He goes on about his life and pretty much doesn’t do anything to help me out of this depressed state. Not sure what he could do but I know if the roles were reversed I would be doing stuff for him to make his life easier.
Can’t seem to take action on anything! - Anxiety and Depre...
Can’t seem to take action on anything!
Oh how I can relate to this post! I have written many posts about exactly this situation, ( I live alone though). I tell myself during the week that I am going to do things on the weekend. Then the weekend comes and I sleep late and don't have the energy or the will to do anything. No motivation. I am hoping to move out of this house in a few years. I ask myself HOW?? I won't even let anyone in here to show it! And if I don't go through stuff in the basement and organize, everything is just going to be moved from this house to another. Then I have to deal with my storage unit also. 😔 I just made myself even more depressed writing this. I wish I had an answer. Know that you are not alone though. There are many of us suffering from no motivation. I hope you find a way!
Hi Downandout123, I wish u the best with your move. I’ve been thinking that I need to hire someone to help me since I can’t seem to get anything done. Best wishes!
Thank you! I think that's a good idea!
I, too, can relate to a lot of this post. I have SO much cleaning/organizing to do and yet, when I’m home from work in the afternoon and home all weekends, I feel frozen and don’t know where to start. My husband does the majority of cooking and cleaning and never complains, but I want to contribute more. My depression and anxiety definitely get in the way. Someone recommended doing 15 minutes of housework, then taking a 15 minute break, and continuing that pattern. It usually works well for me. Maybe it could help a bit? Good luck! I’ll be cheering you on!
You sound like your in the same boat as I am! I often have plans to clean and organize after work and by the time 5pm roles around I don’t have the will to do anything. I’m so tired of feeling this way, I just want to be normal...
Take a deep breathe and forgive yourself.
These times are hard for those that don’t suffer from mental health issues... they can be debilitating for those of us that do!
Thank u! I’m mad at myself for not being able to do what needs to be done. I’ll try to forgive myself, that may help me heal...
Just do what you can I have trouble keeping stuff out I always get rid of stuff and bring others in .I’m getting better I started putting things on eBay and only buying things I need it’s hard at the minute because I can’t drop stuff off at the charity shop and hate the thought of good stuff being binned so put what I can on eBay just to get rid of the clutter it hasent helped I’ve dropped almost 3 dress sizes in a short space of time x
Hi Afrohair, thanks for the helpful tips. Congrats on dropping 3 dress sizes! How did u lose the weight?
Well it wasn’t really intentional I found out I had a health condition and I had to completely change my diet at one point I started fasting and skipping meals(don’t ask)but lots of people have done it who have my condition as they think it will cure them.
but then I just followed an anti. Inflammatory diet as it is supposed to help and it’s helped me considerably I don’t have pain anymore I used to hop on one leg barley being able to walk .i cut out gluten ,dairy I have foods such as brown rice and fish I don’t eat red meat cause full of hormones which my body hates .obviously I don’t recommend this to anyone that Dosent have my condition but I would say if you want tips add a lot more vegetables into your diet so your plate is packed off more veg than anything else.
try organic now and again as they put pesticides in a lot of food which we put into our bodies it’s more dangerous than you think.and as women we are allowed to eat more (of the right things that is )we do more work than men after all well our bodies certainly do.
i want to put more weight on as I feel I’ve lost too much I’m glad I lost some though as I wasn’t happy but it just dropped like flies.a lot of people recommend the keto diet aswell but I don’t know much about it .it only took me a year to lose weight first 6 months I lost and didn’t think I’d loose more but the more I followed the diet the more it dropped .try picking a diet you can stick to I’ll definitely keep doing what I’m doing as it’s changed my life x
Hi Recreate,
I can empathize. One thing I noticed, is that when I'm depressed the brain power just isn't there. I need to mow the lawn(actually fixing mower first) and promised a friend Id find out how to scan their handwritten story and save into editable word format. Not rocket science I guess, but both require multiple steps. When depressed, or having a slow brain: one or two steps only!!!
At least, this helps me.
I agree. The brainpower is terrible for me too when depressed. I’m glad to hear someone else’s experiences are like mine😌
I can relate!
Hi Recreate Myself! You need to be on antidepressants! You can't bc fight depression about med or you will never live a normal life.
Hi, I’ve been on antidepressants for years and have tried most of them....
Hi. Yes, I understand what you are talking about. I know how painful it can be to make lists and then not be able to take action. Sometimes I am able to get some traction if I approach things from a different angle. I write a "Done List" instead of a "To Do List." I start by writing down any positive action ... getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, taking a deep breath. I add the item to the "Done List" and check it off. This gives me a feeling of accomplishment and makes it more likely that I will do other things. Of course, something else might work for you. Just wanted to share in case it helps you identify what might work for you. Sending you positive thoughts.
Brilliant idea and advice. I follow a similar method, but my problem is I lose lists and genuinely never find them despite searches for them, so the done lists are now ticked off in my head and heavily scribbled out in my mind with a thick wax crayon like a child's young scribbling on paper before they ever learn to draw. That way my brain recognises and remembers each thing is done. Everything I do is scribbled out as done on my imaginary list. The things I've done are every day things and not necessarily huge tasks but they are things I've done and doing that tells my brain I have at least done/achieved some things in my day/night no matter how small and help me feel less of a complete failure daily year in year out.
Sounds like you've come up with a great strategy. 
It's so interesting how everyone really is their own expert when it comes to what works for them. A sense of achievement is very uplifting indeed!
It would be a brilliant strategy/method if it worked for me all the time. However it doesn't! 🙄 And I do find it incredibly difficult to summon motivation or rather purpose. Perhaps if I didn't live alone as currently I do, then to do anything at all would be of much high importance for other another persons benefit in this house and my own, but being alone without ever hardly there being visitors here means everything really has no purpose/importance/significance or urgency. Only when I can no longer stand the accumulation of tasks needed doing in the house or for myself do I then have a rush of urgent adrenaline & motivation. Otherwise everything just accumulates and becomes overwhelming but not overwhelming enough for me to find motivation/will/desire to tackle. Like now some stuff for today I've done is scribbled out done in my mind's done list, but loads more needs to be done and instead I'm huddle up on the sofa under a heated blanket protagonising, but my feet are freezing and the warmth from the heated blanket soothing/comforting and only me here to please, yet all the paperwork strew over the floor in piles needing to be sorted through is annoying me, but not enough for me to tackle it despite wanting it sorted and the floor clear, just like the dirty dishes from last night still in the sink needing to be washed, and the kitchen cupboard I partly started cleaning out and up but can't find the motivation to finish. The garden grass I want to mow but getting out the extension lead and mower and pulling the heavy bin for grass cuttings to back of house just seems to much effort. Maybe tomorrow or the next day.
Yes, I understand completely. It will be interesting to see what ends up making a difference for you. Everyone comes up with their own unique strategies. For you, it might be listening to music or a recording of nature sounds or even trying to finish a task before a timer goes off. Or, maybe something totally unrelated will help with motivation, like swinging your arms a bit to get out of your mind and into your body. Good luck as you explore what will work for you.
None of that helps. Tried and tested. 😉
Nature sounds drive me nuts, music takes me far away, swinging my arms causes a draft and makes me cold. And a timer going off does nothing but cause annoyance or be ignored/switched off/slept through. The will has to come from within me and a very hot day is what usually keeps me warm enough not to feel so frozen I need to be huddled up hibernating under blankets. I don't function well in freezing UK. I need heat and sunlight to function and motivate and to lift dark very depressive thoughts.
I can relate to every post on here. My house is a mess and has been for a long time, when I was still working full time, commuting 3 hours a day and my ageing mother needed help with nearly everything. She just couldn't seem to get her head around the fact that I had physical limits to what I can do (she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and no matter what I did, it was never enough, and my living space degraded because I was just too tired and depressed when I got home.
There is a line from a television program, spoken by a behavioral analyst, when viewing the living space of a seriously depressed woman; "Depression is a vicious cycle. It frequently manifests itself in the degradation of one's personal living environment, which in turn, fuels the depression, which then worsens the living environment. "
Exactly. And even though I am working only part time now and my mother is in a care facility, I still can't get myself out of this spiral. Part of it is that I had to completely empty her house so the house could sell and pay for the care facility. My parents were both hoarders, having lived through the Great Depression, and the task was absolutely overwhelming and scary. Had I not had help from a good friend, I would still be sitting in that house tearing my hair out.
But it's been a year, now, and one would think that I had rested enough to start on my own place, but unexpected event after unexpected event cropped up, and then the pandemic broke out, and I just can't seem to do what I need to do.
I had restarted to use my planner, which I had been so diligent about using when I was still working, and so for the last few days, I have been writing down positive things accomplished. Then, one of my beloved companion cats died suddenly, throwing me right back into the abyss. I have been trying to process the loss so I can start functioning again, but my emotional state is so low that I continue to bog down.
Hopefully after work tomorrow, I can start again, listing things accomplished. There is so much to do that I just look at it, overwhelmed, and go back to bed. And the input overload of the virus news is taking it's toll, too. Everything seems so uncertain and that is just one more reason to curl up in bed. It helps, reading here and knowing I am not the only one who has this problem. I've been on an anti-depressant for years, and an anti-anxiety med, too, but sometimes, it just isn't enough.
Best wishes to everyone here, and thanks for listening.
You have been through a lot. I can only imagine how draining those situations would be. So intense. And, yes, the virus news is very distressing. The uncertainty is a lot to handle. Glad that we all have this place to share so that we feel less alone.
I'm not on depression or anxiety meds they zombiefied me and made matters worse plus gave me even further dark thoughts than I already have. On depression/anxiety meds I quite simply did not function at all and because I was a Mum to a then toddler that was I strongly fell a very unacceptable state for myself to be in mentally. Loving & caring I felt devoid of and knew it was the meds that had zapped me of those emotions that I'd previously had, not having those emotions did not bode well for my child and my child is the most loved important person in my life. I was very messed up on meds and.saw my GP. Meds were stopped and believe me I've tried a multitude of different depression/anxiety meds all with negative consequences for me. So we decided no meds and despite my depression being extremely overwhelming and anxiety a factor but not the biggy. I can think for myself without meds, don't feel hollow or brainfogged so deeply to even get myself out of bed was impossible and to write a to-do list couldn't happen because my brain could think to sort anything through that fog and I cared about nothing just wanted and did sleep it was all I could do. Thankfully my child was young and naps during daytime were being had still and he attended nursery. Without the meds I'm not a zombie, gone are the extremely dark dark thoughts where the potential for me to take my own life was extremely high. Dark thoughts still with me but able to think now clearer to distract my brain instead of sinking into blackness. I take baby steps and since being critically ill and in an induced coma in 2018 my brain chemistry has changed and I don't care to give the heavy weight of depression a platform anymore to sink me. It will always be with me, but during my coma I was weightless and all depression gone, woke up from it lighter but felt it gradually setting back in trying to sink me, I know now what being free of it feels like and fight daily to shift that threatening dark consuming enveloping suffocating smog at bay. I still sleep and fall asleep without much pre warning, still have days on autopilot where I can recall nothing I've done, but have more days of clarity without meds and I wasn't on any meds when put into induced coma. I remember the sheer weightless free of all sadness dark thoughts and anxiety and try to hold onto the ledge of that as it tries to earthquake shake me off. My parents contribute highly towards my depression, they mentally drain me and have done since childhood. I finally decided to protect my sanity it was essential to step away from them, not entirely as they are my parents and loved immensely, but their negativity and behavioral issues impacted me, were unwittingly soaked up in their company. I always breathe a big sigh of relief when leaving their house they are not taking me down with them. Their depressive nature's and negative attitudes despite them both having been successful people in life is consuming and with my fragile disfunction of the brain very dangerous for me to be around them to much without being infected even further. I'm not allowing anyone or anything to pull me down further where I can nolonger claw my way out. I have my coping strategies and function in a way that suits me. Suggest you do the same, function only for yourself until you find yourself gradually functioning a bit more and more for other too. You are your main priority to get better at a pace you can manage not a pace dictated by others. If you want your house cleaner, now is the wrong time to attempt it all and stop seeing it as a whole to tackle. Just pick up 5 items and put away, then go back to sleep if you need to, then do the same the next day, but do see your GP and get a referral to a counselor and home help if required and overcome any embarrassment about the state of your home, they are in a job to help people who have lost their way and not phased or shocked by mess and have always seen far worse. Do you have a close trusted friend or relative who is sympathetic, non judgemental and knows how to get things done and motivate you sympathetically? Yesterday at about 8:30pm I finally emptied and cleaned out a cupboard. Didn't manage to put the items back in the cupboard, but that was one of my goals for yesterday to complete fully, didn't manage fully, but today the cupboard is now clean, so today I will put the items back in it and I'm not beating myself that I didn't manage it all yesterday and mow the grass in the garden like I wanted. It doesn't matter! I did what I could manage then rested and today I probably won't get the grass cut, or wash dishes in the sink, but I will put the food items back in the cupboard and that's one less trivial but pressing cleaning up of the house worry on my mind. One task then done, a hundred plus to go, but going at my pace. You must go at yours. Good luck and eat some fruit it helps! Xx
Ok, so here's what's just happened to me, I went upstairs to the bathroom to look out the window, the better view I have from all windows in my house and on my way up the stairs noticed the massive pile of clothing that been accumulating over the banister for months so went in the bathroom had a look out the window breathed in a load of fresh air, it's a very dark gloomy day here today, then I grabbed the clothing and started putting it on hangers, I ran out of hangers, I'm in shielding so can't buy more, the pile of clothing still huge, went to put the clothing I'd put on hangers on my ornate clothes rail stand and the whole stand has collapsed, clothing all over the floor. Felt like bursting into tears but instead I laughed, threw up my hands and walked away saying to myself out loud oh well it was a stupid clothes rail anyway and I didn't really like it that much " I did really like it, but it refocused my brain from negative thoughts " and instead I laughed, threw my hands up and shrugged and thought well now I can buy an even nicer one from Amazon and a load more hangers for the huge pile of clothes I'd ran out of hangers for but going to have to wait a few weeks for delivery as Amazon prime now much slower because of covid-19 and not next day delivery. Whereas previously I'd have cried about running out of hangers and beat myself up for not having bought enough in advance and best myself up for failing at the spontaneous task of wanting to hang up all the clothing and then when the clothing rail/stand collapsed sending all clothing on it to the floor I'd have cried further, beaten myself up further mentally for failing at the most simplistic task and not even being able to get that right and probably lost it completely and flung all the clothing everywhere calling myself belittling useless failure names then given up and crawled into bed to escape the very dark thoughts forming in my mind and the upset and feelings of being a stupid failure engulfing me. And feeling yet another thing I couldn't get right and only bad things happen to me and how that wouldn't have happened to anybody else as they would have been organised and noticed the rail was going to break and known they didn't have enough hangers so purchased more in advance. I would previously have slept all day in a void of blackness because of that, and I felt those depressive emotions trying to surface and mock me as a complete failure, so instead I laughed, swore at it, threw my hands up, shrugged and walked away and told myself you are not a failure and that was a stupid hanging rail and the same happens to plenty of people and plenty of people run out of spare hangers when they need them and haven't thought in advance to buy more and didn't notice their rail was going to collapse on them. This happens to people the world over, someone somewhere in the world could be dealing with exactly the same thing right now or had it happen already to them today or it's going to happen later today to them. I've made myself rationalise instead of feel a complete failure and it feels good. I really don't care now about that stupid rail and not having enough hangers. It's just a rail and they are only clothes in hangers and in a huge pile that's created even more mess, but it happens to people all the time, not just me alone. So now I'm going to go and put those food items I mentioned earlier back in my cleaned up yesterday cupboard and then browse Amazon for an even nicer clothes hanging rail and more clothes hangers, and that collapsed rail and all the clothes over the floor fallen from it will just have to stay there until a new and much nicer one plus the hangers arrive. It's not the end of the world, I'm not a failure because of what happened and even though I now have another mess to sort out when new rail/hangers arrive, well so what! It doesn't matter at all, and I might end up getting rid of some clothes to a charity shop through that having happened which will help lessening the clutter in my house that burdens/swamps and threatens daily to completely overwhelm me. I'm sticking my fingers up at it. The devil of depression/anxiety and mishaps can just go to hell alone! Never ever beat yourself up for anything, you have a lot on your plate, be patient with & give yourself leeway, space & compassion & go at your own pace nobody else's. X
Thank you so much for the in-depth reply, there were a lot of good suggestions, and the most important one, I think - and hardest for me to do - is go at my own pace and not beat myself up. I was raised thinking whatever I did it was never enough, and that has somehow become insurmountable in my mind.
The story about your induced coma is profound, I didn't know that could affect brain chemistry. You have been through so much.
I don't have a sympathetic friend that can positively help me with tasks, though I do have the drill sergeant friend who got me through cleaning out my mother's house, but I hesitate to ask her for help because she will not go at my pace, and I wear down quickly. So I try to baby-step on my own, and keep track of what I get done, as a positive affirmation, but it is lonely. And just the general state of the world right now is so concerning...
I have distanced as much as I can from my mother, who is the one for which any completed task was never enough. Our relationship is irrevocably toxic, and no one alive really gets it. My late husband knew and was a protector, but he has been gone now for many years.
Thank you again for your reply, it has helped to see how you have overcome so much and are still going!
I hope you have been going at your own pace all this time since we both last messaged. I'm not sure if the drill sergeant friend the best one for help of any sort, but those types do have a way of getting us moving even when we really don't want to move at all. I war raised the same that anything l did or said was never good enough and although it wasn't said outloud exactly in those words it was implied as was it implied and still is implied by both my parents that l'm stupid and don't know and can't know how to do anything at all. Put downs almost my whole life. And as a youth and now middle aged adult l feel useless, like l'm a complete failure no good at anything and horrendously ugly in the facial apperance too jurt to top it off. Unmarried, not working, can't drive, poor health, very few friends who l have physical contact with. Plenty to chat online with noone to go out with and do stuff. Almost everyone hates me and tbh l feel the same about them. I find no connection with anyone really. Born alone and know l will pop my clogs alone too. Not having a funeral, can't bear the thought of noone turning up. Want to ve buried but not for my grave to become lonely in dead as in life. So cremation for me it is. Cheaper for my son too as he wouldn't bothered visiting my grave if l were buried. Ashes to ashes best. Anyway not to be. depressing lol. It is just reality for me and l don't beat around the bush pretending things won't be as l truly know for me that they will be. I hope things are much much better for you now 11 months on. Xx
I just came on here today because yesterday was spent arranging for hospice care for my mother.
Unlike you, I had a good dad, but my mother was the one for whom nothing was ever enough. My Dad used to call her 'a travel agent for guilt trips'. No matter what I would do, it was never enough for you, Mother.
And now, hospice said that she may be in their care for more than a few weeks - this is all so confusing, the doctor didn't sound that optimistic - and I am back in a constant state of not knowing what I should be doing first.
I am a widow, and miss my husband terribly; he was the only one who understood my childhood issues. My father is gone too for 17 years, and I have been stuck with the woman who has been making me crazy my whole life. The drill-sergeant friend has backed off a bit, and I am going at my own pace, but there is the ever-present demands of my mother and her unrealistic expectations.
When I die, I will be cremated and my ashes scattered at the same place my husband's ashes are at. His kids by previous marriage wouldn't go visit him, let alone me.
I, too, am fairly isolated, semi-retired, few friends and none of them have any concept of the toxicity of my relationship with my mother. I have my loving companion animals, and they are better than most people I know.
It is amazing how a bad childhood can warp the rest of your life, and those that had a good childhood just can't grasp why we can't 'just get over it'.
Hi, l get everything you said and completely agree with the last part of your comment. Do have to point out though that l didn't say my Dad isn't good. He is good, love him so dearly and preciously as is my Mum good and l feel the same feelings for my Mum as l do for my Dad. They are not bad people, they just don't know their own behaviour, don't recognise it and refused to admit "frustratingly" they say and do things very wrong by me and my sister amongst their pristine behaviour they truly believe they exhibit all the time and have never and do never tear us to shreds, belittle, mock, accuse, put down, insinuate we are thick, stupid and know nothing at all but they of course know it all and more and look down upon us whatever we sayr do even when we are absolutely right to them we are absolutely wrong because we are to thick to know anything enough to ever be right about anything. Little jibes and put downs constantly with implications about our intelligence/intellectual capacities to comprehend anything. Even when l am right and everyone else is telling me so, to my parents they gawf smugly and snort arrogantly at me/us to say oh shut up you don't know anything! You don't know what you're talking about... how can you when you have no university education and aren't in employment. Very stuck up and above themselves arrogantly. Mu parents forget it is very possible to read, listen, watch and learn to better inform ones self. And we do believe they would be better off if they did so as the things they say are so completely outdated and ill informed and show very clearly huge gaps in their comprehension, intellect and knowledge in general. And show them up as one track closed minded backwards thinkers certainly the ones who are indeed thick but who managed to wing it in life through their fake personas and rigid small minded thinking.I'm sorry you no longer have your Dad and have to put up with absolute shite still from your mum. I still have tto cotend with the incomprehensible gibberish untruthful messed up crap from both my parents despitevery brief good times in between, but good enough for me not to turn my back and walk away frim them for good. This year they have maybe off their own backs called me twice, maybe three times max. They say they love me, but l never see that truly. I just hear words and no actions. Glad you're going at own pace and Sargent friend has backed off somewhat. Xx
Sometimes when I'm in a snit I start thinking like this . I don't know if it's right or wrong , I just know I'm feeling anxious or depressed when I'm like this and I hate it and I always feel like no one is on my side . It's a pattern that keeps repeating . If only he wouldn't say or do that , is he doing it on purpose ? A I at fault ? I wrestle this back and forth all the time . The crazy part is we have been married for over 50 years. Pam
Hi Sweetiepye, I agree it’s a pattern that keeps repeating itself. It was worse when his kids lived with us. Over the last few days I’m just focusing on myself and not thinking about what he wants or needs. Hang in there and hoping for the best!
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