Why do I keep wanting to die?

I want to be positive and live nice, but my lifestyle my family and my parents just make shit worse. I get suicidal. I feel like nothing is better

[Sprinkle1]

Hi, I hear a dose of depression here. I ask you to go and get help. There are medications that will pull you out of that. Often we live in a unhealthy family situation where people do not understand depression. There is a number you can call for help I do not have it in front of me, but you can call them and they will be most helpful. I too get suicidal when in the depth of depression, and find myself planning ways to "off myself". I know it is my illness, I have tried it twice in my life and was caught both times, so I now it is not the answer. You are special and worthwhile, get help, look for a support group in your area, they are generally free, ask your Dr. or at your local church. Help is out there. From one sufferer to another, be good to yourself, people care about you and love you, you must try to love yourself and care deeply about your well being. We care about you and love you unconditionally. Talk to us, we are here for you. I send you Hope, Love, Strength and Hugs. Sprinkle 1 ....

[Tikirob]

I think because it seems like a practical solution to you. It’s like if everything sucks why stick around? I would often ruminate on my crappy family and crappy people and just think I’m tired of trying. I still get this way sometimes but I am able to use that suicidal musing for a much better purpose. I use it to take good risks.

3 years ago I literally would wake up, eat 2 meals on the go a day, pee my pants from anxiety about 4 times a week, poop my pants once a month or need to change my underwear. I would drive everywhere breathless in a rush, I was bullied at work, in an unromantic relationship, estranged from my family, and to be honest in the midst of multiple nervous breakdowns. My idea of a good day was being able eat by myself in a restaurant and chew my food while staring into oblivioun.

I hated my life, my job, my past, my family, my landlord, and my job. I listened to this people talk about American Idol, coupons, and Target while I had to do the job of two people and got written up for as if I did not work. I was losing my mind and every so often on a bridge or around medicine bottles a little thought would enter my head. A bad thought.

One day though I said to myself I have nothing to lose, if I am going to die than why the F am I taking all this BS so seriously? What if I just tried living like these things did not matter so much, if I get fired, if I lose my girlfriend, if I don’t see my parents, if I didn’t rush to everything if, I did nothing...so that’s what I did, little by little I just started working less hard, telling people no, taking 20 min bathroom breaks. Calling in sick and staring at people rushing to work. Telling my Mom I’ll talk to you soon and calling her I’m a month. Talking back to my boss calling her out on her lies. Blasting funk music over the American Idol devotees.

Overtime I lost my job, I am now separated from partner, and I am living day to day, but I am ok with life. I am calmer. I can now make decisions easier and when I start to think about how life sucks I use the energy to make it more exceptional.

Don’t give in to those thoughts please. Don’t hurt yourself. Have some fun with this misery!

[NCAQuilter in reply to Tikirob]

Your solution is perfect - why stay in a situation that makes you suicidal! If you're suicidal, you want the situation to end! So end it! Walk out! (Not off)

You have SO much wisdom to share with your story. Tell it over and over. We need to hear it!

[Tikirob in reply to NCAQuilter]

Thanks for the kind words!

[faulhallen]

Feeling suicidal is sadly way too normal in life. It’s an appealing option because it promises an end to all pain forever....

But you have to try and find something in life worth living for. I know how hard life was for me in high school and earlier with my depression and it feels like it would be a million times worse the way technology has molded society since I graduated 15 years ago.

The problem with suicide, or at least the one that I keep telling myself, is that life is beautiful and nobody knows what lies beyond. Painful, too often unbearably so.... but there are things, people, and experiences worth living and fighting for.

I don’t know your beliefs, but suicides are rarely welcome in the beautiful versions of the afterlife. I take a more practical and spiritual belief to what happens when we die and that in itself can be terrifying.

Hopefully you’ll find the strength to never give in and keep fighting. Things of true beauty are worth suffering a lot of pain for. It may not seem like it at the time, in fact I would hazard that it never does... because depression draws us inward and makes it hard to see what is around us. The positivity and beauty. The impact we have whether we realize it or not.

I’m wishing you all the best! Hang in there!

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Put your well-being first. Push the other people aside when needed. Build your support group with other people. Lots of us get shit.

[froggymom88]

It can be so overwhelming when you have so many negative things going on in your life at the same time, but you were given some good advice here. Work on the things you want to change one at a time. As you succeed at one move onto another. It might be a good idea to get some help in making the choices and changes you want to make. Keep connected to positive people and continually say positive statements to yourself. You are a special creation and have a purpose. Keep up the good fight and find that purpose.

[kenster1]

hi I think about death every day.but I don't want to die I just want to live a better life.its a bit like reverse psychology we cant change our parents but we can change our lifestyle.