I tend to lock the things i can't deal with inside a box in my head..... and leave them there

I lost a friend to suicide 4 days ago, and before i could even process it a second friend is in the hospital for attempting the same...Locking things in can be even more painful when they finally come out, but this is the only way i can deal for now, if i acknowledge them i will have to confront what's happening and probably wouldn't be able to withstand the pain and triggers that they brings. Acting like nothing is happening is wrong i know that but this is the only way i can handle it right now

[HeyItsThatKidd]

But think, what'll happen if/when it all hits? Eliminating issue by just acting as if they don't exist won't help in the long run. But you told us about it so props, That's a crucial step to understanding what's going on.

[Hidden in reply to HeyItsThatKidd]

Im not worried about when everything come crashing down, for now that's the only way i can handle all of this

[Starrlight]

I think having a box and having access to it sounds healthy. How does it feel to you? Sometimes it’s difficult to focus on an event or a person when we may be triggered for whatever reason, especially when much is happening at once. We have various coping mechanisms that help. Sometimes it’s doing things to soothe ourselves, to work on accepting, distracting with activities, or putting it away temporarily. I think since we know ourselves best it’s whatever works for the individual. Aaaaaaanyway beautiful, I am so very sorry about the friend’s suicide and the attempted suicide. Just the word suicide triggers me and every day I am reminded of my brother who is gone by his own hand. I think I need to try to recall his smiling face, his heart etc instead of the bad event that stained him in my brain as bad and horrible... be gentle with yourself and take the time you need. You know what’s right for you. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

My therapist said it's a coping mechanism my brain is shutting everything out for now and im fine with that, the S word is definitely a trigger and im really sorry for your loss hun, im sending you lots of love 💜

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thanks just let me know if anytime you need to talk ok I’ll be here to listen. Anytime. ❤️

[OT16]

I’m so very sorry for your loss & your pain. Honor your grief. You’re facing such an emotional burden & it can feel really overwhelming. That’s the nature of grief & it’s different for everyone. Don’t allow anyone to tell you different. However you are able to cope; that’s the right thing to do. Immerse yourself in self love. Please do what you can to take care of yourself Danielle. Don’t compare yourself & your grief - or where others think you should be in that process. Your response is actually the way I lived my life for years following the passing of my folks. Their birthdays/anniversaries/death dates are all triggers that remind me of how much I loved & long for them. I hate you’re going through all of this ! I can hear the pain in your response. Although I can’t really offer much more than to say since/if you’re going through hell, keep going. Prayerfully, you’ll find yourself on the other side. Love to you little sunflower 🌻 💜

[Hidden in reply to OT16]

Hey love, you understand me 💜 that's the only way i can deal with everything right now, and im really sorry for your loss, losing love ones the pain never really goes away, it just become bearable as time passes

[OT16 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so very much angel. Well said. Love to you... please hang in there. 💜

[Hidden]

You said so yourself it's the wrong thing to do, acting like everything is cool, it's better to let the pain comes so it can leave

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I can't do that right now

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Just don't leave it there for too long

[hypercat54]

Hi I think we all have a limit and it is natures way of protecting our brain by allowing us to put very stressful events aside for a time. This is neither right nor wrong.

However it is essential that you do take the time eventually to deal with the emotions you have locked away. Otherwise these boxes have a tendency to leak, sometimes many years later and their poison can damage your present and future. When painful emotions have been left too long they become harder to deal with and assume greater importance. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Trust me i know thats all i use to do growing up before everything came crashing down all at once, i will deal with the emotions hopefully later than sooner, for now im grateful that my brain is putting everything away on lock

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I had lot of boxes in my head as well which broke open in my 20's. I had counselling to deal with them. x

[Stilltrying_]

Do whatever you need to do callmedanielle and keep yourself safe. That is the most important thing right now. xx

[Hidden in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you, that's what im trying to do... for now it's the only way to keep myself safe

[Hidden]

As harsh as it might sound what you are doing is perfectly healthy in my opinion. Self knowledge is what you need if you want to learn how to cope and live with mental illness. If moving on and acting like nothing happened is what helps you cope then do it. Everyone handles stress in their own way. Learning how you cope is a big step.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for understanding where im coming from

[jgjuka18]

In sorry you’re going through this. I was sexually assaulted 3 years ago today and I did the exact same thing as you. I would push away my thoughts and feelings. I could talk about it until I was blue in the face but I wouldn’t shed a tear. I am just now realizing how much I this was hurting me. It took me 3 years to realize this. I started processing everything the last few days so it may take time but be as kind as possible to yourself as you can. I am letting myself have feelings of hurt and sadness without getting mad at myself for feeling this way or pushing they away. I feel like I’m making a break through. I hope you can learn from me and let yourself cry. The sooner you do the sooner you will be able to move forward. I hope you stay strong and just so you know I’m here for you if you want to message me. You’re going through something very traumatic so it is okay to not know what to do or feel. Just be easy on yourself. Everyone processes everything differently. Your brain is protecting you from this trauma and makes you numb so you don’t hurt, but once you know you will be okay you can start processing everything. It’s scary, hard and time consuming. I hope you have support during this process.

[Hidden in reply to jgjuka18]

Im sorry that you went through something so traumatic and painful, i did the same thing before without knowing back then, i went through phisical abuse in the hands of my own father and im getting better.... i guess now i went back to my old ways cause i don't really know how else to protect myself mentally then to lock everything somewhere i don't have to deal with. I will eventually but for now i won't be able to handle these pains at once. As a suicide survivor im not sure what the outcome might be.

[Hidden in reply to jgjuka18]

For now i prefer the numbness. Im here if you ever want to talk, i will definitely reach out to you 💜

[jgjuka18 in reply to Hidden]

Do whatever you need to right now. I think locking things in a box for a while is a great way to cope with difficult things. Once you’re strong enough you can unlock the box. I didn’t know I needed to unlock the box, but you already know that so you’re a step ahead. I know you will get through this hard time. Thank you for being there for me. If I need to talk I will come to you. Just do what you need to stay safe. That is what we are naturally designed to do.

[Michael8072]

I can't imagine what your going through right now. My thoughts are with you. Hugs sent your way.

[Hidden in reply to Michael8072]

It's greatly appreciated Michael, thank you

[jeff0127]

I lost my brother to a car accident and then a year later a very close family friend to suicide. At the time I was a freshman in college. I’m pretty sure I did the same thing and it’s now 25ish years later and I don’t think I’ve ever unlocked it. I don’t know if it’s healthy, I do have strong bouts of anxiety once in a while, but it doesn’t seem to be related to locking those thoughts away, but who knows. I’m sorry for your loss, everyone always says this, but time is what has helped me. Just wish there was a way to fast forward sometimes.

[Hidden in reply to jeff0127]

It's a coping mechanism and right now im grateful for it even if i know it's the wrong thing to do. Im sorry for your loss also, i feel like some things need to remain lock for our sake

[jeff0127 in reply to Hidden]

True, it's talked about how treasure is locked up and buried, forget that, why not lock up bad stuff and hide it forever

[Hidden in reply to jeff0127]

Lol i couldn't agree more

[melbrown]

(((hugs))) I am so sorry Sunflower. I'm so proud of you for sharing, for reaching out. You are handling it the best you can right now... it's a lot... I hope you have let your therapist know. I am here for you Danielle... Love you. ❤😗🥀❤🌻

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

Mel hey sweetie with all these things happening i forgot to check up on you 💜🌻🌻🌻 im sorry

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

no reason to be sorry... I understand. You & your friend have been in my thoughts. The bad thoughts got loud & scary (no action, just thoughts).I reached out for help & it sounds like there's a plan. New meds (seroquel & now 2 mg Ativan daily) & answers. Even made a friend in IOP. I'm not alone in this & that is important, just have to remind myself that.- the quick update.

[OT16]

We all miss you Sunflower 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻. I’m praying mightily for you 🙏🏽