I want to leave my wife but don't want to leave the cats and rabbit. Any suggestions?

[StompyBoy1]

I've had enough. I just want to be on my own. She drives me nuts and we argue all the time. I think she's part of the reason I'm depressed. I know there are a lot of years invested in this but I think it's making me unhappy. She is very introverted and blames me for not including her. I'm quite popular – no idea why as I’m a tw@t. She just wants me to stop seeing anyone else and just be like her. A sad lonely person. I feel she is squeezing the life out of me. What's left of it. I'm not sure I want to save this marriage. It's 32 years nearly now and that's enough. One thing’s for sure I would never ever have another relationship with a woman.

[Rosepetal60]

Never is a long time. So for now, have you considered a Marriage Councillor . Know little about them, but I think if possible you both go together. My other thought is, if you did decide on a separation, have you got somewhere to go where you could take a rabbit and 2 cats with you. And are they solely yours to take.

[Pugglesworth]

Sorry you're going though this. 32 years is a large time investment. I have 31 in this year. She says 35 as she counts when we were dating. I think that's a female thing as most of my male friends and colleagues count the time being married and exclude the dating period. I'm not sure why that is.

My advice? Don't be too quick to lose your investment. You may be projecting. It's a tendency to throw what we don't like about ourselves onto others. And even though you stated you're popular, you may be seeing things in her that you don't care for in yourself. That's not a bad thing: it's just something that humans do. Others are a mirror to us. And our most personal mirror is the person (or people) we spend the most time with.

If possible, time apart would be good. Distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder. My wife and I go on vacations together and alone: she goes to see one of her sisters, I go on retreats. We're apart for a week or two at least once a year. And I can't wait to see her again. My heart feels as if there is something missing. An ache. A void where something, or someone in this case, once was.

I'm not a psychologist or marriage counselor, so there's a good chance I have no idea what I'm talking about.

[hypercat54 in reply to Pugglesworth]

You just made me laugh out loud Pugglesworth! I think that is very good advice and it shows you do love and miss your wife.

[Pugglesworth in reply to hypercat54]

Heh, well that's a small victory!

[Laurennnnnnn]

Like everyone said, I’d try some distance and marriage counseling first.

But if you end up being sure it’s really damaging your mental health and you aren’t happy, leave! For the cats and rabbit (I’m in the US so things might be different here), you can have them included in your divorce terms. If you fight and word things the right way you would keep them. I’d try to buy their food, vet care, etc yourself and keep receipts so they know who the primary caretaker is 😊💙

[saracar]

My advice increase communication. Set boundaries. Spend quality time with wife. But within reason take time for you and your friends.

[Hidden]

Do what's best for you. Good luck

[StompyBoy1]

Morning all, Thanks for your advice. I’m still very sad but less angry than when I posted. I think I’ll probably just tough it out until the pets die and then re-evaluate because I am too weak to do something more radical.

[catch_the_music]

Sorry to hear things are rough right now. Check out a marriage seminar like "Weekend to Remember". It will give you both a fresh look at marriage. Christian based - but very good at helping couples reconcile. My wife and I leave those seminars saying "We can do this". Pray for good things to happen to your marriage. In time - things will happen and you will feel Blessed! Prayers for a renewed and happy marriage filled with great moments! God Bless!