Damn I’ve have a decent couple of weeks but now I’m back to the old familiar grind of feeling like everything is out of my control and nothing will ever be ok.
I’m seeing a therapist on Tuesday. I haven’t had much luck finding one that is a good fit for me, so I’m not expecting much from this appointment.
I wish I had a reason for my highs and lows. I have no idea why, for the past couple of weeks I have been able to handle my life without too much interference from A&D and then out of nowhere I feel them creeping back into my head.
I have felt anxious to the point of almost panicking multiple times this week for various reasons.
I’ve been super depressed and unmotivated to do much else besides housework.
The only reason I can still clean my house is because when it’s not tidy I feel even more anxious. And it’s my one little power trip I have that I am in complete control over.
My other go to is to make myself throw up, which I tend to do when everything else in my life feels out of my control.
Sadly I haven’t eaten much ( anxiety also equals no appetite for me) so I really don’t have anything to purge.
So yeah I’m all down in it right now and just sharing this with all of you to try to make myself feel a little better by venting and maybe someone else out there is feeling the same and maybe just knowing they are not alone will give them some small comfort.