Super anxious and super depressed

Damn I’ve have a decent couple of weeks but now I’m back to the old familiar grind of feeling like everything is out of my control and nothing will ever be ok.

I’m seeing a therapist on Tuesday. I haven’t had much luck finding one that is a good fit for me, so I’m not expecting much from this appointment.

I wish I had a reason for my highs and lows. I have no idea why, for the past couple of weeks I have been able to handle my life without too much interference from A&D and then out of nowhere I feel them creeping back into my head.

I have felt anxious to the point of almost panicking multiple times this week for various reasons.

I’ve been super depressed and unmotivated to do much else besides housework.

The only reason I can still clean my house is because when it’s not tidy I feel even more anxious. And it’s my one little power trip I have that I am in complete control over.

My other go to is to make myself throw up, which I tend to do when everything else in my life feels out of my control.

Sadly I haven’t eaten much ( anxiety also equals no appetite for me) so I really don’t have anything to purge.

So yeah I’m all down in it right now and just sharing this with all of you to try to make myself feel a little better by venting and maybe someone else out there is feeling the same and maybe just knowing they are not alone will give them some small comfort.

[Hidden]

I'm so glad that you were able to put all of that into words. Sometimes I find it hard to even put my feelings into words because it makes them real. Right? If I don't even have words to describe what is going on in my brain, I can pretend that it isn't actually depression or anxiety or purging. Thank you for sharing. You are right. It is so nice to know that we are not alone.

[roseofmyheart85]

I am sorry you are experiencing this and you are not alone. Hang in there and continue to see a therapist. There will be one that will come along that you can connect with. I will praying for you. Take Care and God Bless!

[Hidden in reply to roseofmyheart85]

Thank you for your kind words.

I have found someone with whom I feel I can work to get through these trying times and I’m going to see them 2x a month.

Keeping my fingers crossed

Trying to stay positive.