I want to go home

[KDJTrainer]

I am so sad today. If u see my prior posts, I lived in downtown Chicago for 15 years and Chicago was my backyard growing up. I moved to a tiny town in Wisconsin in June and I am having a very hard time adjusting. I miss my friends, my neighborhood, my clients...I haven’t left my house in two days because there really isn’t anywhere to go. I don’t know what to do. Help

[Strongheartforever]

It takes time to weave yourself into the fabric of a new community. But it will happen if you take the risk and give of yourself slowly and genuinely. I can relate. Lived in the big city for a decade, then moved to another city close by, now am in the majestic countryside and after 2.5 years here, I’m finally finding my feet. And my clients were also my family and I know that feeling of loss. I really relate to you. So here’s the thing, the adjustment takes way longer than you expect, and you are at the beginning. Buckle up. I had no clue it would take me this long to adjust. The key is to not lose who you were, that spark, you’ve got to have an outlet for all that energy, and you will find new ways to grow it. This is a challenge and an opportunity all at once. Make absolutely sure you have some way of regularly connecting with flesh and blood good-hearted folks in your community. Vital. Classes, art or kick boxing or ceramics, meet up, women’s group, book club, farmers markets, cooking classes, college courses, lectures. I assure you there are high quality folks all around you who need your light and you theirs. Faith is a word that is underrated. It holds so much power. What you think, you become, so don’t go dark. Put yourself out there and continue to grow. By the way, Agora1, a stellar member here with over 500 followers, just mentioned in Superstarintrovert’s recent post about favorite escapes, some beautiful places in Wisconsin that she loves. Check out that post. It made me want to visit your new home.

[KDJTrainer in reply to Strongheartforever]

I know, I’m having a hard time relating. I’m a city slicker in the country. This is really hard! I am in a town that is know for its summer tourism. And now summers over, no one is here. This was my second home and now it’s my full time home. I feel so isolated. I don’t have kids and my husband is doing a start up. I’m turning 45 this Saturday and I am so lost. I have lost everything this year. I am so scared for winter to come. I’m sorry I’m complaining. I just miss my city so much. I had everything, and I blew it. 💔

[Strongheartforever in reply to KDJTrainer]

Happy Birthday my friend! New adventure awaits, you just don’t see it yet. A whole new life will open to you. Now may be the time to tuck into some good books, get into nature, find new friends, discover another side of yourself that wants to be born. There are always upsides and surprises when you’re so sure there aren’t. Be patient and trust in the universe just a tad more.

[b1b1b1 in reply to KDJTrainer]

If you feel any inclination, think about joining a church, temple, etc.

[gogogirl in reply to KDJTrainer]

I do understand- it's like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. Is there any way you can move back to Chicago, and what caused you to move to such a place? What type of clients do you have? Perhaps you can give yourself a time limit hopefully and see what happens from there. In the mean time the following poster ( strongheart) has some good ideas. Maybe it will be more bearable if you say this is temporary and see what happens? Sounds like you left an awful a lot behind. Curious: Besides toursism , how do people make a living other than government jobs- like police, fire, schools, town clerk etc.? Also, I do not know how far you are from Chicago- but is it possible for you to travel to see old clients? Some people keep old clients depending on what their business is.

[KDJTrainer in reply to gogogirl]

You are so nice to reach out. My husband worked at The Chicago Board of Trade for 20 years and they closed the pits 3 years ago. (If u don’t know what that is, it’s like Wall St in Chicago.) I lived a very privileged lifestyle and was very free with his $, meaning my siblings of 9. So when he lost his job, we were ok. But my family still wanted their share that they were accustomed to. He couldn’t find a job downtown, 900+resumes out, So, it had to change and we moved to Wisconsin. He is doing a start up but I am alone here. I was a top personal trainer to high profile clients, so I had to say goodbye to them. My mom also fell and broke her hip during all of this and we are her only source of income. This is a very long story, I should write a book. I know people have is much worse then I do. I’m just so lost in WI. They are so nice, but don’t understand where I am coming from, nor do they care. And I have to suck it up. It’s ok. How could they understand. 🤷🏼‍♀️🙏right?

[gogogirl in reply to KDJTrainer]

While you were generous with his money for your family- remember that is not THEIR share- shouldn't they be earning their own money? I mean money doesn't rain from the skies as you know. Sorry about your mom.

[KDJTrainer in reply to gogogirl]

I’m in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. It’s like extremely wealthy or the people who own businesses. It’s a weekend place for Chicagoans, and people from the North Shore. I grew up where all the John Hughes films were made. ♥️

[Agora1 in reply to KDJTrainer]

KDJTrainer, you are in my favorite little town. I once thought about finding a condo on the lake and move out there permanently. I never followed through. I hope you do find some peace within yourself and some answers that satisfies your needs. xx

[MariaLove123]

I don’t know why you had to move there but I’ll tell you an honest story. My fiancé and I lived in our hometown and for a year he was commuting almost two hours each way to work because of traffic. I offered to move closer to his work which we did in March. I’m so much worse depression and anxiety wise being here. I like you, miss my hometown, my friends and my family. I don’t do anything here. I just lay around and my fiancé holds me after work while I cry or talk about my depression. We go up to my parents once a week and every time we go, I’m my old self. I laugh and talk and my fiancé sees this. A month ago, he sat me down and said “we’re moving back. Your illness is more important than anything right now and I’d rather you happy and do the commute.” That meant everything to me. So we’re currently looking. My point is, environment has the biggest effect on us and sometimes we don’t realize how powerful it is. If you need to move back for your mental health than you should. You have to do what you know will make you better. Sorry for ranting. I just didn’t think it was possible and I’d be stuck here forever. And a miracle happened ☺️

[KDJTrainer in reply to MariaLove123]

Yes. I agree. This house was a second home, it’s beautiful and everything you could ever want. I love it here. As a place for solace. We can’t move back just yet bc my husband is doing a startup company here. So I can’t leave, unless I go back downtown by myself and rent my own apartment.

I get what you are saying tho. Your fiancée gets it. Maybe find a place half way for his job? I like to explore new places! It’s just different. I’m in a very small town, when I am used to being comfortable and having everything outside my doorstep.

What is he going to do for work tho? Xoxo♥️

[MariaLove123 in reply to KDJTrainer]

Oh so you’re not that unhappy there. I got the sense it was the main source of your depression and anxiety. So yeah it’s an adjustment. Do you watch The Office? I promise there’s a related reason as to why I’m asking lol

[KDJTrainer in reply to MariaLove123]

Oh yes. I am very mixed up. I was having panic attacks every day when we first moved up here. I finally got my RX for Prozac back two weeks ago, so that helps. We almost lost everything. I am just totally isolated. I do watch The Office! I just miss my friends and my job. I don’t want to complain. I just miss my neighborhood in downtown Chicago. My building was like “Friends.” It was so much fun. My mom is very ill and going to lose her home that I paid for so that’s another thing.

[MariaLove123 in reply to KDJTrainer]

I brought up the office because remember Pam won’t move to philly when Jim starts his own company? My fiancé and I get angrier every time we see those episodes. She should have moved and supported him. And I look at you and I’m like “you’re such a good wife!” You obviously have a loving relationship and you’re very selfless ❤️

[gogogirl in reply to MariaLove123]

Wow, it sounds like you have a real soul mate. Congratulations- and he is right- where you live can definitely affect anyone.

[cclun200]

I remember moving to a different town when I was a young mom and did not have any friends and it was hard! But the most important thing is not to stay alone but get out there and make some friends. Find a community that you can identify with. Have you look into a church, a YMCA class or anything? Without family and close friends it is easy to get lonely.