Had a really down day yesterday, the first in s long time. Still feeling it. Had a wonderful, fun weekend away with my family then came back home to the same miserable situation, and I guess it just floored me. I really am not seeing the light at the end of this tunnel. We were supposed to be here for only 6 months, but now, realistically, because of our circumstances, it’s looking like 2.5 years. I’m honestly dying here, from the inside out. I’m feeling no hope. Life looks so dark and gray. Feeling better would be nice, but a change in our situation would be ideal. Guess I’m tired of feeling better, changing perspective, holding on to hope, yet being stuck in the same sucky situation. Despair starting to affect me physically again—drained, sluggish, nauseated—general malaise. Seriously, I just need to get out of this doggone swamp because I’m sinking! Fighting it seems to make me feel falsely empowered as I sink faster, but losing hope makes me sink with a miserable mindset. Lord, have mercy! God help me! I seem to be sinking either way—inevitably!
Scared, sad, hopeless...But I can’t do this because I have a four year old. What stress.