I’ve been thinking

[Tkay93]

I’ve been reading a lot of self-help books over the past couple of weeks. And they have all ready been eye opening for me. They’ve also helped me understand more about myself and the possible reasons for my anxiety and depression. One thought that keeps coming back to me is this “Dose it matter of someone understands how I feel?”

This comes from me telling my sister how something she’s says causes me to feel. Her response is always “I don’t get it” and I ways ask myself “dose it matter?”

Really? Dose it matter that the person understands the reasons behind my feelings, or should them knowing my feelings be enough.

Example, you tell someone you love that their actions caused you to be sad, they say “why did it make you sad?” You respond with your reason and they say “I don’t get it” and never say “I’m sorry”

Dose one need to fully understand the reason behind someone’s feeling, to understand the feelings themselves?

I’d like to know your thoughts, cause I feel like I’m the only one that feels that way.

[Krazie]

It is hard for other people to understand what we are going through. Especially hard when it come to depression. It just too easy to think that the person is lazy; if only they tried harder; need to stop feeling sorry for themselves; the list goes on. Sure we would like for those we care about to understand, but the truth is, many won't, or are not able to understand.

For me, I think that it takes too much of my precious, and limited energy to try to figure out why they don't understand. Understanding comes from having experienced it for yourself. That is one of the reasons that having a site like this one to come to, and post, is so valuable. People here understand because they, too, have experienced the same, or are currently dealing with it.

Talk to us about it. We are here to listen.

[Tkay93 in reply to Krazie]

I get that, it’s something I keep having to remind myself. Not trying to look for support or understanding from people who just CANT understand, it’s hard and it hurts and sometimes I can’t help but think maybe I’m not being clear enough with how I’m feeling or that I’m saying it all wrong. I can’t understand why the people I love CANT understand me. I’m able to understand all different sides of their emotions; why their angry, sad, or confused... but when it’s me it’s like they don’t even try... or they don’t even care

[Krazie in reply to Tkay93]

I don't think lack of understanding stems from not caring. I know it is hard to live with and love people who don't/can't understand what we are dealing with. Sometimes it helps to realize that everyone is dealing with their own issues, which may prevent them from being receptive to others, even those they love.

I don't know your living arrangements, but because you seem so torn by inability or lack of understanding from those around you, is it possible to get away from them? Even going somewhere by yourself for a short time, can help to recharge our inner resources. Maybe a walk in the park, the woods, ect. along with a picnic lunch, could be one idea. Try to relax, and enjoy the calming effects of nature. This is just one idea. You may think of more.

[Hidden]

have You studied cognitive behavioral therapy?

[Tkay93 in reply to Hidden]

No I haven’t, but I do believe that is something my therapist wants for me

[NCAQuilter]

No! There are many who don't understand us, but try not to hurt us, and apologize when they do. But, maybe, answering their question will let them see why you're upset. Maybe they want to understand so they don't repeat in other, similar situations. Maybe, this is how they are saying, "I'm sorry". Then if nothing changes after your explanation, they really don't get it and aren't going to apologize. Then, try to let it go. You just can't help some people.