Surviving child sexual abuse and hardships in connecting with people

[Parveen_Kum]

Are there any words for child sexual abuse that has turned into sexual obsession and now giving up that obsession has turned to generalized anxiety disorder ...please if anyone can say something it will be a lifeline

[Delanna]

It is not your fault that you were abused as a child.

You now acknowledge your trauma trying to comprehend it .

Your body could heal this by coping with different mechanism. Talk to people who you feel safe with physically ,emotionally,and mentally.

Wish you well

[Parveen_Kum in reply to Delanna]

Thanks Delana, that is really helpful. Stay blessed

[fauxartist]

I'm not quite sure of the line of the question, but I'll give it a shot. I was sexually abused as a child, and young woman..along with some other stuff...but to address the sexual abuse... When I did some group workshop with some other women...there were a few basic patterns...first though, we had to have already had some one on one work done with our regular therapist...letting us know it's not our fault, we were just a kid, and the adult was wrong for stealing our innocence and praying on us for their selfishness...leaving many of us damaged in some cases for life.

So in the group some women found themselves completely turned off by sex...wanted nothing to do with it. Some suffered through the act to have a family, but didn't really enjoy sex, And oddly...some of us were very promiscuous. Looking for love in all the wrong places...one night stands.... quickies... love um and leave um. And a lot of in and out of bad relationships doomed from the start.

So it effects every one differently.... and absolutely the PTSD ...CPTSD... trauma... self esteem, blaming, shaming, all of it fell on to an innocent kids shoulders to bear the secret, the 'don't tell, it's all your fault'. I knew many women who were very traumatized to the point of being agoraphobic ..social anxiety, etc... and others out every night with a different guy...because that's what they equated as closeness....the distortion of comfort and love. I had a couple of different issues from my abuse....I had two family members and then a couple of strangers abuse me as a little girl and young women...and everyone of them had no remorse what so ever for what they did....

First thing I had to learn was to forgive myself....for ever blaming, or shaming, my low self esteem, bad choices ....all of it.... just forgive me and let the blame belong to the monsters who did this to me.... and no.... I will never forgive them, as they saw nothing wrong with what they did..therefore....did not need or want forgiveness as I was told by the one I did confront. They will have a higher judgement to answer to, so we turn it over...don't let the acid eat through the vessel... let karma take over....and we begin to heal.

[Parveen_Kum in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks dear . you answer goes well with my question . I am a boy and the kind of sexual abuse I went through was by men , and later on that turned to sexual obsessions with other men, excessive masturbation, quest for multiple sex partners etc etc , that you have also mentioned. Now, at 24 I have realized that what I considered as my life was not actually meant to be one. I am afraid of getting close to people because I think my sexual obsessions can come back and if I will fulfill them, there will again that guilt and shameful feeling. I am even not able to have close friendships with guys due to that discomfort of doing anything wrong to them. Your words meant a lot to me, thanks for the hope.

[fauxartist in reply to Parveen_Kum]

I certainly am only expressing my own personal experience around this and what some friends have gone through and shared with me, as this is something only a professional would be qualified to help you with.

For myself and my views on sex, it's not 'sex' that is wrong....it's how your self esteem is effected because of multiple sexual encounters, and what the reasoning is around having multiple sexual encounters and how it effects your everyday life. There should be no shame or guilt around sex in a loving relationship, or even in a consensual friends with benefits relationship. But many who had gone through looking for that closeness they were missing in childhood, can and have developed a distorted view of sex from their abuse, they needed to be in control of their encounters, and this just becomes an addiction of quick fixes that they feel safe with because they feel in control. It is an unhealthy long term issue that does not build up a positive self image if you always have guilt and shame around it. But a sexual addiction is different from promiscuity that often follows some people who were subjected to child abuse. In other words:

One major difference between a sexual addict and promiscuous person is that a sexual addict’s behaviors frequently interfere with the social, occupational, or recreational activities in their life.

And I think that may be what you would want to sort out in therapy. Especially now that your feeling this anxiety has developed around this compulsion...

[hopeful0907]

Although I don't follow your question exactly, I have seen where children of sexual abuse turn to things like masturbation, seeking several partners, and porn as a form of comfort due to feeling like those things are who they are. Once they move out of those things or try to they can experience anxiety due to an identity crisis. I think the important thing for a child abuse victim is to separate their identity separate from the event of the abuse. This can be done through therapy which is the best way to get to a place of healing. I also believe support groups are very helpful when lead by a professional. I don't know if this answers your question but I hope that you seek out someone who can help you to get on the road to recovery. As a recovered victim myself, I know how important it is to work with someone who helped me see that the event does not define me. It does not define you either.

[Parveen_Kum in reply to hopeful0907]

Thanks dear, sorry if you didn't get what I asked for, you can understand my situation with these lines.I am a boy and the kind of sexual abuse I went through was by men , and later on that turned to sexual obsessions with other men, excessive masturbation, quest for multiple sex partners etc etc , . Now, at 24 I have realized that what I considered as my life was not actually meant to be one. I am afraid of getting close to people because I think my sexual obsessions can come back and if I will fulfill them, there will again that guilt and shameful feeling. I am even not able to have close friendships with guys due to that discomfort of doing anything wrong to them. You are right that it is giving me a lot of anxiety and identity crisis. Let me tell you a little example ...once I saw a man and the sexual obsession Overwent me, I gave all effort to be with him sexually, but the moment he touched me I cried and ran away , away and farther, and there was guilt for many days, that why did I have done that when I didn't wanted it in reality. It felt so helpless.

Your kind words will be heartily welcomed .

[hopeful0907 in reply to Parveen_Kum]

Those feelings you are experiencing are typical of abuse victims and you should not feel ashamed. Your identity is tied to the experience rather than who you are as a person. I believe you would heal and overcome your urges if you worked with a counselor, they are wonderful for helping abuse victims. I too went through a similar situation because I was assaulted as a child. I worked with a therapist to overcome the identity crisis and it changed my life, no more shame, and guilt. Let me know if you would like to speak with a counselor, I know a wonderful group that can pair you with the right person. Praying for you.

[Parveen_Kum in reply to hopeful0907]

Thank you dear. You have understood my situation well and it will be a great help from you to connect me with the group you are talking about. I am from India.

Have a peaceful day.

[Gina_B]

I am so sorry this happened to you. It is hopeful that you recognize the harm that it has caused because that is the first step to healing. There are counselors who can help you overcome the pain, shame and grief from this. I will pray for you because to live your life as a slave to sexual problems will bring harm and more heartbreak. I believe you can be healed and made whole but it will take work and will not happen overnight. I like what fauxartist said about forgiveness being key to overcoming. May the Lord's hand be upon you to hold, heal and bless you!

[Parveen_Kum in reply to Gina_B]

Thank you my dear ...God bless us all.