interaction with people and depression

[ayanakahara]

For people diagnosed/suffering with depression, does it help you better when people keep checking on you (like all. the. time.) and labelling you with the illness and being extra careful around you or not?

I have a friend who I told about my condition and ever since she keeps being extra careful/caring and sometimes she excludes me from the normal stuff we do because I "have" depression. And she keeps persisting I'm not okay when I said I am (which I truly am at that time). For some reason, it irritates me because I feel like I'm being treated differently which I don't like. Is it me being quiet non-accepting about my condition (because it might have been too new for me)? Is my apprehensive reaction normal when people are acting differently (e.g. too careful, too caring, too smiley) around me just because they know I suffer with a mental illness or not?

[hypercat54]

Hi the simple answer is no it doesn't help unless you want to treated differently. I had a friend with cancer and I asked her if she wanted me to treat her the same as usual - her reply was an emphatic 'yes please '.

Have a chat with your friend and tell her is my advice. x

[ayanakahara in reply to hypercat54]

Exactly. No one wants to be differentiated because of an illness. It's downright insulting.

I'll make sure to tell my friend. I'll talk to her. Hope she won't go all stubborn at me.

[hypercat54 in reply to ayanakahara]

It sounds like your friend means well but explain it helps you most being treated normally. Reassure her you will say something if it is too much for you x

[ayanakahara in reply to hypercat54]

Yes, I will. Thanks so much.

[Hidden]

Hi.

Sorry to hear of your struggles.

Sometimes I guess it could be that those around us don’t know how to react, I’m not sure, but I understand what you say. I’ve heard others say similar and I would feel the same,

I have anxiety and depression but I’m still me and don’t like to be treated differently, and certainly wouldn’t wish to be left out of things because of it.

I would say I appreciate that your friend cares but it makes you feel worse to be treated differently and left out of things

I found a link to something that may help.its around mental illness and how people react and can judge...you are not alone

time-to-change.org.uk/blog/...

How you feel is most important and in my opinion being included shouldn’t change, the choice whether to join in or not should still be given for you to make that decision , not someone else..

Best wishes 🌺🌺

[ayanakahara in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for being empathetic.

And yes, I also guess she's just trying to care in her own way - which, unfortunately, came out rather bad to me. But I'll make sure to tell her my feelings so I won't feel offended next time around.

It's hard for us so it would be nice if people around won't make it a lot harder. Although I hope I won't come out as demanding or the sort when I'm trying to address my needs.

[Hidden in reply to ayanakahara]

I’m sure you can chat to your friend diplomatically., and you won’t come out demanding at all. You sound very aware of feelings, and have a valid point ..and are aware your friend is possibly just not sure how to be ....

It’s good to air it out here, before rushing anything..it helps a lot..

Often things can be cleared up without big confrontations, which just add to our worries...

Good wishes x

[ayanakahara in reply to Hidden]

I think I can trust myself in talking to her diplomatically.

Thanks so much for the suggestions.

[hypercat54 in reply to ayanakahara]

Often it's not the illness itself which is the main problem but other people's reactions to it x

[ayanakahara in reply to hypercat54]

Well said. We're still humans with normal needs despite what we are going through.

[Unforgettablefir]

Always keep this in mind: Depression doesn’t ‘have’ You; you have depression.

[ayanakahara in reply to Unforgettablefir]

Thank you. I'll remember that all the time.

[Unforgettablefir in reply to ayanakahara]

You’re welcome. Feel free to message me anytime.

[1947treble]

The person is probably just trying to be supportive and let you know they care, but doesn't realize how best to do that. If it bothers you, you'll probably be better off saying something about what is or isn't helpful and is or isn't necessary. I've had to do that before and it turned out well, just took making it clearer that while I wanted to talk about my feelings I wasn't expecting or needing them to fix anything.

[ayanakahara in reply to 1947treble]

That's so the case. Every time I want to vent things out, I just really want people to listen and not attempt to help. I'd make it clearer for my friend in the future that I just want her listening ear and not her helping hand. Thank you

[imasleep123]

I used to struggle a lot with family with this. Now, I am very vocal about how I am doing and I don’t let other people dictate how I well I am doing with my depression. I just say up front how I’m doing so they don’t have a chance to tell me how I’m doing. And if they do have something to say about me, I don’t listen because, well they aren’t me so only I really know how I’m feeling. My family finds it helpful for me to say how I’m dealing with my depression too.

[crowningglory19]

Yeah, that could really get aggravating. I don't think it's helpful to you, maybe just tell them that in a nice way. Tell them you want to be included and that they can trust you if you say you are fine right then. It is hard to share with just any friends since they aren't trained in it and might react in a way that makes things worse. A direct talk will help a lot tho, if said in love. =)

[Geodog]

Hi, I can relate to your issues, my problem is with Family. I finally got the courage to tell my spouse about my treatment plan. Now every morning, she asks “ having a bad day?”. I have not even had a chance to check how I feel. It get tiring wandering around the house with a smile on my face so they won’t ask if I’m having a bad day. I have not told my sister because I don’t need emails of articles on anxiety and depression. I know they are concerned and want to help, I guess it’s on me to talk about how they constantly check on me.