I don’t even know what to do..

[glentoran99]

I don’t even know if I’m in the right place. My wife has been diagnosed with depression and goes back to when my daughter was born, she had post natal depression then with hindsight and she is almost 4 so a long time to deal with.

I’m struggling with what I can do to help, i feel shut out completely and as you can imagine it’s affecting our marriage.

I am struggling day to day on occasion to and have had a meltdown or too where I just can’t cope with stuff. Which makes things ten times worse for her and it’s the last thing I want. I just want her back and our marriage back on track but I just feel so lost and lonely.

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I’m sorry to hear this. You are in the right place. Lots of people here struggle with depression and have spouses and loved ones with depression. My husband has had to see me go through depression and anxiety, it’s very wearing on him.

[glentoran99]

Thank you. I just seem to not be able to do anything right. No interest in physical contact and I don’t even mean sex, just anything at all. Kisses cuddles all not wanted I just don’t know what to do with that, and me telling her and showing her that I love her seems to be overwhelming and make things worse and I’m so scared that it’s pushing her away more and more

[hypercat54 in reply to glentoran99]

Hi I presume she is getting medical treatment ie meds and/or counselling? Isn't this making a difference? If not then she needs to go back to the doctors and have a chat.

I know it's very difficult for you but carry on being supportive but don't load pressure on her if you can. Is it possible she is very tired from looking after your daughter? Could she do with a break? Or more help in the home etc? Or maybe she needs to start working outside the home or go out and see friends more. It is very hard being a wife and mother and it's common to feel you have lost your identity and everyone has their own needs as well. x

[glentoran99 in reply to hypercat54]

I do everything I can in the home. I was and still am the one up most nights if they week up. I spend many nights no sleep up with my daughter so she could rest. But that has led to undeserving feelings of guilt towards herself because she feels she couldn’t do it and I had to.

What you say about losing her identity that’s hitting home with what she has been saying. But like my title says I just don’t know what to do to help. Yes on meds and has had some counselling its about 3 months in to meds and about 6 counselling sessions.

She does work outside the home in a very tiring job. Tiredness is most certainly a factor, but I don’t even know what to do. Only so much I can handle as well. I get less sleep than her but I just have to deal with it when she needs to lie down.

I am so not trying to pressure her, that’s why I’ve came here for an outside perspective and perhaps from those going through depression what they needed from a partner.