If anyone followed my health anxiety post yesterday, you’ll know that I was freaking out about information I had received about organic almonds that have been recalled due to traces of salmonella. Now, I don’t even eat the organic ones - I eat almonds from a bag of mixed nuts (but sold under the same supermarket label). So I decided that I was definitely going to get salmonella poisoning anyway and hardly slept. Woke up this morning (minus any symptoms of salmonella) and just couldn’t face the anxiety anymore.
This comes after some weeks of particular anxiety and stress (seems to be how life is permanently). So I was already not strong. I’m not having any symptoms. But I just couldn’t face the day. For the first time in 16 years of living with GAD, I just couldn’t get up at all. I ended up in floods of tears,
I was supposed to visit my Mum today and my husband had to phone her to say I couldn’t come. My mum doesn’t do mental health, and despite me explaining it to her in many different ways, she just doesn’t get it. She puts a lot of pressure on me. She phoned I the middle of the day to ask how I was. My daughter answered the phone and she told my mum I’d been sleeping and was just getting up. My mum asked, “so is she all better now?”. Sigh.
All I’ve done today, is sit and watch crap on tv, sleep on and off and feel so anxious. Nothing seems right. I have terrible backpain too, which I’m terrified is something serious. I have IBS and often pitch up at my GP with backpain. It’s so bad today and has been for a week. It comes and goes. But I’m convinced it’s really serious this time.
I just want to run away and be by myself. I feel like such a burden on my husband and two daughters. 😞😞