Unsure

[RBFm_86]

I'm not quite sure what to do anymore... For the last several weeks I've been in one of the darkest places that I can remember and am having a very difficult time finding my way back. It's affecting every aspect of my life...work, home, I've ruined a good relationship I had going because of it. And this past weekend I scared myself with how I was feeling and resorted to some self destructive behaviors from the past.

Unfortunately I do not and cannot afford health insurance and it is not offered where i work due to working in a small office setting. Therefore I can't afford to go talk to someone, but make too much at work to be able to seek out any sort of assistance for payments. That's adding to my problems, anxiety attacks daily, crying pretty much all of the time and I don't have any sort of support system in my life that i can turn to. I feel lost and alone and I don't know what to do anymore.

[Fatima_sh]

Hello, you have come to the right place ! You will find some of the most supportive people ever here in this app.

Don’t be afraid to talk about it, we are here to help you, we are your support system ! 😁

[guynfl2chat]

We are here to help! First of all you are not alone! Negative thining and behavior is the basis for anxiety and depression. Have you tried to journal your thoughts as you think of them. Put them out in writing and let it out?

[RBFm_86 in reply to guynfl2chat]

Thank you for replying, and yes I have tried to journal my thoughts, and for some weird reason it seems to make things worse, either i get mad at myself for allowing things to happen to make me get so upset, or, I feel guilty for feeling the way i do once everything is written out. It's a bit of a...hot mess.

[Hidden]

Hello

You sound so much like me.

I feel your desperation.

I’ve only been on this site for less than 24 hours so I can’t say definitively, but i feel like this is a place to vent those feelings and everyone who relates to you will reach out to you to offer some virtual comfort.

I, too, am unable to connect with a professional therapist.

I, too, can be self destructive and constantly battle demons.

My saving grace is that I have a beautiful 10 year old son for whom I have to keep it together.

I also have two dogs.

That combination of unconditional love is THE ONLY thing that has kept me from just leaving this planet.

I have a job that pays decent and I only work part time.

I do not have benefits or a 401k or anything so that’s the trade off.

I try to keep myself busy when I feel the walls closing around me by either making things, dancing, working out (at home), playing games on my phone...

I don’t know if any of this will help you but just know that we are out here and we understand what you’re going through.

It’s tough and it seems like it’s never going to get better but gradually, eventually, it will.

[Avidreader9559]

Hi! I am so glad that you found this site so that you can talk about what is going on. In my opinion, it helps to be able to talk about our experiences so that they don’t keep going around and around in our heads. I had to learn radical acceptance. You said you are very critical of yourself when you journal. I used to be that way, too. I had to change the way I thought about myself. I am who I am. I struggle with what I struggle with because of the things I have experienced. I am not less than or unworthy because of that. I just accept who and where I am. No judgement. That helped me to be able to process the overwhelming feelings that I experienced. It was a conscious decision. It didn’t happen very well the first several times that I tried. I had to keep going, and it got easier. Then in order to replace all the negative thoughts, I would write positive quotes and messages on note cards and place them where I would see them when I was down. There were already there for me. Over time it became easier for me to repeat the positive to myself. I also started learning more about God through a Bible study and who God says He is and who He says I am. He is my strength when I am weak. I can rely on Him to not let me go because He will never forsake me or leave me. He will walk with me through everything I experience in this life. I started praying more and started believing that I am worth something because He loves me. I have a purpose because He has made one for me. I can handle anything life puts in front of me because He gives me strength. I hope you find what works for you, what gives you hope and helps you to keep going forward. I hope you can keep talking and processing. Hugs.