Unsure why I'm unable to initiate conversations.

[stonedelta91]

I've been going to therapy for the past 3 years. I like my therapist and feel she has been able a stable ear in my frustrations in life whether it be school, work, or other issues. The main goal I've been wanting to accomplish was making friends and widening my circle of friends. However, I've attempted many things in the past such as learning how to dance, attending a "nerd" club at University before I graduated, and attending an art class. Aside from the art class where I mostly talked to the art teacher, I have had excessive trouble with starting conversations with the strangers I meet at these events. I have done exposure therapy, I am able to talk to cashiers and other people working without difficulties. I have asked people to hang out after work and have had success and I have been rejected which has not bothered me. I am still unable to start conversations. I was originally working towards making a wider circle of friends and meet girls for dating and friendship. I now just want to get better at initiating conversations because thats been the one thing I can't do to get to the larger goal. I no longer understand what is blocking me from being able to start conversations with more ease. I've done the work, I've become a more confident person. I know I can start conversations and I know I can carry them but I consistently fail when I go to these events. I'm no longer sure what to do, I don't understand what is holding me back. I have tried forcing myself or thought about it but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've run out of options and I'm retrying things that didn't work out in the past because I don't know what else to do. Do I need to perform better exposures? Did I not work up a hierarchy like you're suppose to do? Even the therapist didn't have much to say, I feel like she is uncertain herself.

[stonedelta91]

I've gone so many times and I've practiced. I no longer understand whats blocking me. I can't even tell if its anxiety anymore. I just freeze, I know to say hello, I know how to find common ground. I've had small success but they haven't amounted to anything. I just wish I understood this.

[Raggedy-Ann]

I see the problem. You can start up a conversation with a cashier... it is safe and short. I can do that too. When I get in a situation where I have to talk to people if I get up the courage, I ask them something like their opinion about something happening right in front of you. It can be simple like What do you think of ..... bounce off their response... and then a question about them not to personal... wow that's really interesting, tell me more... people love to talk about themselves. You can do this with anyone. I am a private person so I rarely talk about myself. It is worth a try. I hardly have to talk at all and you learn about the other person. Be ready for complementary responses. If someone asks how you are doing remember to ask them how they are doing... good luck

[stonedelta91 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

I just can't get myself to do it. Like I said, I don't understand what's stopping me from doing this anymore. I've done the therapy. I've done the exposures that the therapist had me do. I just feel frozen, stuck but I don't know why. I can't tell if I'm scared or why anymore. Everything rational inside of me tells me I should be able to do this. I'm trying to figure out whats wrong. I can't. I've built up little successes here and there but they don't seem to amount to anything inside.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to stonedelta91]

Hi, if you can change your thinking from I can't to I'll try it might help you out of that feeling of being stuck.

[stonedelta91]

Have you tried doing one social event/group consistently each week? When it comes to making friends that is a part of it. I'm working on this part as well so I feel your pain. I was trying to make friends as well. I've begun to wonder if I set the goal too high for now. Perhaps its the same for you? Maybe we need to start smaller?