Yesterday I did something i'm not proud of, I did it while I was intoxicated with alcohol. I hit sombody in the face in an heated argument. I'm not a drinker and I'm not a violent person. What scares me the most was that anger in that moment. The raging anger that I felt. I'm truly disgusted with myself for what was done and said. There were 5 people in that room shouting abusive thing's.
Never in my life have I every felt so bad and wrong. And i've gone through period's were i've felt that people hated me. But standing in that room yesterday I could see in everyone's eyes that I was not wanted there. Those people are my family. I hit a family member. The one person you should never lay your hand too. What's happening? What do I do now? This is going to push my further down and I'm scared for the future. What has become of me?
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Shanm2
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I'm really sorry you're going through this. The first thing that came to mind after reading your post is that you are very sorry about what happened and willing to be accountable and that's so important. The second thing that came to mind is that apologies are always available because we have all done things to warrant one. It's good that you reached out here for support because we are here for you. Do you have a therapist that you can talk with about this? Seems that there was something that greatly triggered you. I hope that you're able to speak with your family and move forward from this.
I take full responsibility for my actions, i do not currently have a therapist or any type of professional to talk to, i don't know if my family will move forward from this, I have expressed to them how sorry i am and disgusted with myself for what i have done, i haven't been able to face them just yet. Thank you for your response and i'm grateful for your words at this time.
My rule is “do the next right thing”. Don’t think about the costs to any part of yourself. Take full responsibility for your own actions, without excuse.
This is only about your actions. It doesn’t matter if they were in the wrong, it only matters how you acted.
This is difficult, but life changing. Cleaning your side of the street is your main priority.
Hi I have done this twice with family member over the years. They were a long time ago now though. The first was when my mother was verbally abusing me in front of my father and my sister. I pushed my mother away and she fell over. I felt dreadful and suicidal and had to walk out.
The second time was when my sister was doing the same thing to me again in front of my father and I had had a drink this time. I started belting my sister and the rage I felt was so strong my father had to pull me off before I killed her. I apologised sincerely to both family members who fortunately accepted them. I was horrified at my anger and wonder where it came from. I have had counselling since and never did it again or ever would.
I still feel bad about it even now but the main thing is to learn from it and make sure it never happens again. We all do wrong things sometimes but we can't change the past so you have no choice but to forgive yourself as you will in time and try to put it behind you. x
I understand where you are coming from, Thank you for sharing this with me and replying too
Depression has been categorized as anger turned inwards towards ones self. Perhaps the drinking let down the barriers that allowed you to keep this anger in and thus letting it come out? Do you have depression?
I have depression, I'm aware that my mind hasn't been the greatest and that hitting the drink would make me worst, i didn't mean for it to get so out of hand, but there was lot of things i wanted to say. but couldnt expressed them to my family if i was sober. mainly because i struggle to be open about how im feeling. it was the wrong place and time, as they too were drinking, the difference is they have a long time battle with alcohol, i let myself feel all the things in that moment and lost it.
family stick together through thick and thin good times and the bad times.if this is out of character im sure they will know that.maybe lay of the alcohol for a while and give the family member a bit of space before you apologise.lets hope it blows over.
I used to agree with that, and for so long i stuck with my family through all the good and the bad, I have perhaps left out a big part of why i had got so angry, My family or at least two members that were in that room had been drinking too. i hadn't started drinking with them, originally i had been at a birthday bash and later went to join family members, i knew that it wasnt a good idea, but i just wanted them to understand where i was coming from, and they couldnt, i was told i was wrong and that made me more worked up because they too were drinking and it wouldnt be a big deal but two family members in that room have had alcohol issues as long as i've have been alive. and i will always be there for them, through the ups and downs, its extremely hard and becomes toxic. Dont worry i intend not to drink for a long time after that outburst as i truly am disgusted with what i have done. i hope they forgive me, but more importantly i wish them to be sober, Thank you for you reply
This is a lovely sentiment, and true in many families. However, all too many times the people who are supposed to love and protect us become our abusers. Many individuals leave their families and the misery they caused behind them and never look back....which is the healthy thing to do.
Hi Kenstar1 not all family stick together. My mother made sure ours wouldn't back in the 70s. It's wicked really and has such a profound affect. I was such a young child at the time
Shanm2 .. I can hear your pain and confusion in your words. Anger is much more powerful than most people realize, and alcohol often makes us to things we normally wouldn’t do, such as expressing built up anger. You didn’t say what had provoked this, but you sound concerned over both the anger and alcohol. Are you part of a church family? If so, perhaps talking this whole thing over with the pastor would help. Forgiveness of yourself and others goes a long way towards righting the past. Often however we need help to do either. Have you reached out to anyone for help? Perhaps counseling or a local support group could help you find answers to some of your questions. I would also encourage you to talk with your family and let them know how you feel about what happened (only if they would be supportive and not continue shouting at you.)
I’m so sorry. You sound very confused and very sorry. Also disgusted by your actions.
I have done things and screamed at complete strangers all without a drink. I even got to an argument with my ex daughter in law. That was insane but she is an ex after all. This past week I wanted to slap my sister several times this past week but I never did.
I try to examine what led up to the moment as to why I did it, what was I feeling, was I provoked, is it all my fault?
I just can’t imagine you in the middle of a circle being stoned to death. Everyone has their opinion and their feelings. Drinking or meds do heighten any situation.
This may be time for you to take some time away from them. You said you apologized, did anyone apologize to you?
I think you’re beating yourself and that is enough punishment. Just step back for a few days. It’s not a good thing but you’re so sorry. If you weren’t sorry, that’d be different.
Don’t beat yourself up. Just tell yourself never again.
A lot if things were said, and i went to there with the intention on saying what was on my mind. I come from a family that have alcohol issues, and two members had been in that room, i was so concerned because drinking for me is very out of character, im sure you can understand why, and it scared me. Im not currently in counselling and they're are people to talk to if i needed, i just struggle to speak out about things. My family can be supportive, but its not always like this. its just very difficult. Thank you for your reply, i appreciate your words
So you went there with good intentions and things got out of control?
Were they drinking? Have you ever heard the saying, “you can’t argue with a drunk?” It’s true. My brother is an alcoholic and he’s always right. It’s like herding cats, you just can’t do it.
You tried, you care and you want to help. They have to want to help themselves. Not sure if you live in the states but there’s a show called “Intervention.” I’ve watched most episodes. Maybe you can view it on YouTube or search for it but they help people who are addicted to something and some it’s alcohol. It’s hard to help people if they have alcohol issues cuz many times it stems from a deeper problem. Does that make sense?
Don’t dwell on your family thinking that they hate you. Take it easy on yourself and I’m glad you’re here.
granted not all family disputes can be resolved for various reasons.my brother is also an alcoholic and ive not spoken to him since two days after my dads funeral this year.he to always thinks he is right and will never back down.obviously I don't know the reasons for the fall out but in general family should stick together but im afraid we don't live in a perfect world.i do hope it resolves though given time.
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