Do I stay or should I go?

[Oshunlvr]

In a nut shell, I was married for 30 years to a good man but self medicated too much and let his depression take over. We grew to be just best friends and nothing more so had a mutual divorce 5 year ago. About 4 years ago I met and fell for another man. I moved 2 hours away to be with him and things went downhill.I miss my friends, family and old job. I've been here going on 2 years and hate it. I find myself depressed more often and even quit a job due to anxiety. I find myself comparing this man with the old one and this man can't hold a candle. But I love him for being him, that's what brought me here.

I find myself depressed, sick, anxious more often than ever. It consumes me. Maybe I should just move home? I don't know if it's here with him or if it's me.

[Starrlight]

❤️ I feel like your heart will let you know.

[b1b1b1]

You have to make up your own mind, but, based solely on my own personal experience, there is much to be said for going home. I will repeat though that you must make u[ your own mind. Part of the decision depends on where you have friends and family and also on what living accommodations would be available and their cost.

[Blueruth]

this is definitely something you need to decide on your own. It does look like you are very dependent on other people for your happiness though. Not a healthy way to be.

[Oshunlvr in reply to Blueruth]

I never thought about that! WOW!

[Oshunlvr]

Thanks for the responses! Blueruth is right, I depend on others for my fun, motivation etc a lot. Even the first time I had a panic attack here it was worse than normal. Usually my ex or BFF could just look at me and know it was about to happen. They'd have me going through my breathing exercises and taking me down before I hit bottom. Maybe that's the reason I feel the way I have been?

[designguy]

Sounds like you may be dealing with some form of codependency and low-self-esteem/self-worth and would benefit from spending time improving that part of yourself. Many of us were never taught and even punished and shamed for trying to be proud of ourselves or stand up for ourselves as kids and need to acknowledge and learn those skills for ourselves in order to be a healthy version of ourself and put our needs first. There is a lot of good info on youtube about this as well as books and programs available.

[Oshunlvr in reply to designguy]

I never thought I was until Blueruth called me on it but I think I am. I thought I knew how to take care of myself, mentally, but maybe not. I'm going to have to relearn everything I thought I knew from therapy...

[designguy]

I didn't realize it about myself either until I started healing my self-worth and learning more about codependency and attachment disorder and realizing more about my actual relationship with my wife. Glad I have spent the time learning about it, it's made me much happier and healthier.

[Oshunlvr in reply to designguy]

Looks like I have new reading to do. I knew there was more to the situation than it sounded. That's why I put my situation out there. Thank you so much designguy

[designguy in reply to Oshunlvr]

You're welcome, good for you for trusting your gut.

[Hidden]

It sucks that you're in that position. But I just wanted to say that generally people don't "let depression take over". For many of us depression comes down to a chemical imbalance. For some of us it's situational. Either way it's a tough fight. Good luck friend