Losing control. Anxiety is winning

[TabbyK]

First time here. Really struggling with my anxiety recently. I'm terrifed to leave home. I'm sick to my stomach all the time. I find myself not wanting to go out anymore. My husband is a great husband. But when it comes to this he dont get how I cant just turn it off. I used to be able to. My dearest granny passed a year ago and ever since then my world has been different. I am always scared. Feeling like I'm gonna throw up or worse. I was going to a place I dreamt of going to. And finally its time and I have a total meltdow. Before hand. Life is becoming not fun. Like " why bother"???

[Agora1]

Dearest TabbyK....we all have been where you are right now. Something happens in our

lives that throws our mental state into a tail spin. First and foremost, know that this is

NOT a forever sentence. You can and you will win against Anxiety. Right now, it may seem

to have power over you but being here with us will help support your fears and frustration.

You are not alone in this. The kindest and most loving people like your husband cannot

possibly understand the depth of fear we feel unless they too have gone through this.

I lived the life of an Agoraphobic for 5 years and know what it's like to feel imprisoned

in our own homes. When the fear becomes this immense, agoraphobia takes over. Our

subconscious brain wants to protect us but this isn't the way to do it. We must retrain

our thoughts. We must learn to accept that anxiety is a game that our mind plays with

us when we are most vulnerable. Games are meant to win and you will win over anxiety.

One step at a time. We will all gather around you and share our own experiences. Take

what you feel comfortable with and leave the rest aside. Each one of us finds different

methods to console our emotional issues. Finding relief in therapy along with medication

can be a good start in going forward. It will break that cycle of fear long enough for you

to think clearly and get control back of your life. I'm glad you are here TabbyK. It's

going to be okay. This will be your safe place to come to. xx

[TabbyK in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. So much. It means alot just hearing someone else has felt the fears ive been having. I am so happy I found this place. This is the kind of support ive been craving. What a great place. I never thought about anxiety being a game. Thinking about it that way is such a great tool to motivate myself. Thank you so much for sharing

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I think we meltdown because of the build up in our heads. Will it be all I want it to be? Instead of ‘why bother’ change your question every time in your head (I say things out loud) to ‘why not’?

Your anxiety has your stomach messed up. That’s physiological. So breathe deeply through it. Reverse the process.

There’s a reason it’s called a ‘comfort zone’. We all like our own. You’re changing. It’s scary and exciting and worrisome. I’d say you’re normal.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Try to remember you’re not alone. You have strength and coping skills.

Sending peace

Doaty💛

[TabbyK in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thanks for reading. Remembering to use my coping skills is the next thing to tackle lol. Thank you for the support!

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to TabbyK]

You can do it! I have faith in you💪💛

[Ceaser_Leone]

I know how you feel im there now myself but we will make it you are not alone. have you tried meditating, or doing something to draw your focus away from it like reading or listening to positive music?

[TabbyK in reply to Ceaser_Leone]

That used to be the first thing I would do. Paint or draw. But recently I just blank and dint know what to do. Like all my crafts and skills are forgotten and I am left sitting here trapped in my head going over everything that could go wrong. Or things I did that were matbe wrong. I psych myself out constantly. It's like I have all the answers but forgot how to use them

[Ceaser_Leone in reply to TabbyK]

i feel the same way i try these different things and they worked but im trying to learn to stay consistent, like right now i have a left shoulder pain and its in my arm but im not sure if its really an issue or anxiety, i dont have any heart condition, i dont even so much as take a pill

[TabbyK in reply to Ceaser_Leone]

We will figure it out. We just gotta be strong

[NWGal]

Oh sweetie it really sounds like you are suffering with depression. I would suggest you pay a visit to a mental health therapist. In the meantime we are all here for you with loving compassion. Good karma coming your way!

[TabbyK in reply to NWGal]

I am gonna look into some therapy. I feel like it would really help me. I dont have insurance so I'm looking for somthing not to pricey. Thanks so much for commenting. Every comment im gettinf is really taking some weight off my chest. It was a rough day so this helps tons

[TrustnGod]

Hello TabbyK. Welcome to our wonderful community. I am so incredibly sorry to hear of your granny’s passing. The death of a loved one is a common reason as to why mental health issues pop up. My uncle passed away 6 months ago and I haven’t been myself since.

My advice for the anxiety is to acknowledge, accept, and then let it be. I have tried fighting it and ignoring it both of those tactics only led me to spiral more. As Agora said, it’s a game and it’s tricky because you cannot fight to win. Instead you have to learn to accept what you are feeling and allow the feelings to be. There is a user on here with the name Beevee and I would recommend reading his posts about anxiety. He is very knowledgeable and has been through this himself.

You will get through this.

~Lia

[TabbyK in reply to TrustnGod]

Thank you so much for your advise. I'll look him up

[Hidden]

I’m with you TabbyK. I’ve been struggling with a seemingly insurmountable amount of anxiety and depression since my girlfriend and I split. It’s been around 6 weeks and everyday has been a living nightmare. Also to relate to your husband not understanding about your anxiety, my mom has just been telling me she doesn’t understand and to just get the fuck up and move past those feelings. It sucks. She’s coming around but she’s just yell at me when I’d try to explain these complex feelings of fear and sadness. I also have felt the physical feeling of sickness as well and have lost around 25lbs since it kicked in so intensely. Life isn’t fun for me at all but we are all here to make sure we all get through these dark times ❤️

[Llab]

Hi TabbyK. I really feel for you like everyone else here. People (like your husband) who haven't experienced extreme anxiety just cannot understand those that do. Sometimes they think we are exaggerating or seeking attention. It's like explaining snow to a native of the tropics.

Have you tried asking someone to talk to him, such as your doctor or trusted friend? There is also a lot of information on the internet and some great YouTube videos. I find watching them makes me feel less alone which makes me feel a little better. (But if you are in a very bad state it maybe best to avoid them. If you do watch or read about anxiety and depression notice how that affects your mood. If I feel my mood going down I stop immediately.)

As others have said, don't try to fight it or reason with it, in my experience it doesn't work. It's like telling a tornado to go away. However, the tornado will go away eventually, although it feels like it never will.

Have you tried calling a crisis line? You'll get a sympathetic hearing there and they may be able to put you in touch with other services.

Let us know how you are going when you can.

[Sunshine425]

I can relate to this for so many reasons. One being I too, lost my grandmother a year ago. It really set me back. I recently posted about things that help me. If you have time maybe reading it could help you. Best of luck! You got this!

[Sunshine425 in reply to Sunshine425]

healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to this community. We are (for the most part) caring, knowledgeable folks who will understand what you are going through. Some go to therapy. Some read books. Some take meds, and others use vitamins and supplements. Experience abounds here. Keep posting and let us know how you’re feeling. Lynne

[56artist_]

Your husband doesn't understand because he is not in your shoes so life effects each one different I can see this happening to a very close friend of mine he lost his dear wife 3 yrs ago at 53 and were married 34 yrs it was his life now depressed he is and never be the same I have issues as well but different than his or your 40 yrs anorexic and just in last 4 yrs recovered after 7 yrs treatment so daily process for me to remain recovered I wish you the best we are here chat anytime and do not let the mind defeat you

[gotmilk]

Dear tabby,I know exactly what your going through,I totally feel for you ,I lost my mom 2 years ago and none of my family talk anymore and I also have a husband that doesnt get it.I feel alone most of the time.maybe we could get through this together,Ive been looking for someone to talk to for a long time,but I know you can get through this,we both can,finding a good therapist I think is a start maybe even medication . we will both get through this!

[TabbyK in reply to gotmilk]

A major loss is so hard to get over. She was like my mom. Her mother is still alive so i thought she would be around longer. I'm so grateful so the time I had with her. Ever since then my chest feels tight. I miss her so.

[Sabio77]

@tabbyk, nice to meet you. thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry you are going thru a tuff time. I also experience anxiety. it comes in many forms. Have you tried talking to a trusted friend or another family member or even a therapist? It helps to find the right person to open up to, one that will understand you and not judge you. I overcome a lot of junk in my trunk. May I ask what steps you take to help cope/handle/ deal with the pain? I drank water, special breathing exercises, a few other things to help. I understand you and know its hard. try to focus on something positive about yourself. ... believe in yourself. try to figure out what you like to do and are good. it takes one step at a time, one moment at a time, one day at a time. think of the here and now... the very present moment. not so much the big picture. sending hugs of encouragement, strength and peace.