I wish I knew why

[Kelkel5891]

I wish I knew why I'm so anxious and depressed. I have a good job. A best friend. My relationship with my family isn't horrible but I can't seem to be ok. A week ago I thought extremely hard about ending it all and ended up in the hospital where I got discharged after 48hrs then my therapist called the cops again so I could be admitted into inpatient treatment but I wasn't home so when I got home I got extremely drunk and just admitted myself into a psych ward. I've been put on meds but I still feel like something is wrong but I don't even know what. I hate myself for this. My boyfriend now wants to talk about taking some time apart but I need him now more than ever. I think I freaked him out. I just don't know what to do.

[Arcticborn]

Hi, i have had the same experience as you once. I to have a great family, good friends, and a love of my job. Yet I allowed my anxiety to take over. Last year i made plans to take my own life by running my truck off a bridge. I planned to do it on my way home after shift. Then i thought of my friends and family who loved me and instead of going home I went to the ER instead. Luckily the military ER asked me after realizing that my physical symptoms wasnt why i was there "are you safe?" After a moment of thought i told them why i was really there. They directed me to the help i needed and gave me the oppurtunity to go voluntarily into inhouse care.

What got me through was keeping in mind why I was there. My family didnt even know i was there until my 1st sgt called them to tell them. Im trying to say if your BF doesnt want to support you its okay. This will give you the chance to focus only on yourself. If you are scared of being alone im willing to bet that someone you know has been through this. Talk to them.

As a person rebounding from my current relapse year of being anxiety free. I know what a fight it is, its hard but the more you fight it the stronger you'll get. Oh and see a psychologist at least everyother week.

[Hidden in reply to Arcticborn]

Thank you for your service. Coming out of depression and anxiety is a fight no one can see but the person doing it.

[Chelsea56]

Hi there Kellysoraya, I'm not sure I can help you, but I'm on Lexapro and I still have depression and anxiety. I'm 62 and with getting older life doesn't always get easier. I've tried numerous medications for depression and nothing really seems to help me. You might want to look into CBD oil which is legal in all 50 states. I take it but I find that the results are so subtle. If you do look into CBD you need to make sure you're getting a quality product because there are so many on the market but aren't what they say they are. I hope this helps. Take care and be well!!

[zevietnameseguy98]

Sounds like you are going through a horrible time with your mental mind and I am so sorry about that. But trust me when I say things will surely get better. Remember that you have us here who are willing to support you through this. You have a lot of nice things going on for you too, a family, a best friend and a good job. That's a lot of things to live for. Tomorrow will always come as another opportunity for you to be better. Best of luck to you and stay strong xoxo.

[nightingale1977]

hugs.... sorry to hear you are going through tough times.. what you wrote resonated with what i’m going through. i have a loving daughter, best thing God has given me! supportive partner and loving friends, but my days are so dark.... my brain just cannot stop thinking. i hope i dun sound too weird. some days i find it very hard to find grounding and focus. i get anxious quite easily too. on my worst days, i’m suicidal.. so i guess what i’m trying to say is you are not alone in this journey. we are here for you and we understand how much it hurts sometimes... keeping you in my prayers! God bless...