I think I had a flashback this afternoon. I haven't had something that bad in a while. My daughter who has autism lives in a group home. We have had on-going battles with agencies who are not trained and don't care to be abusing our daughter emotionally. She is very verbal so they expect too much from her. She also has PTSD and bipolar. Her IQ is 61. So as you can imagine she is a ball of anxiety, moodiness, triggers and cognitive confusion. She really needs long-term behavioral health care, but it doesn't exist in our state. All we have is group homes for the developmental delays. So her behavioral health needs are not addressed. There is no accountability for this broken system so people get away with horrendous things. We have had some horrific things happen to her over the past 2 years, including her getting arrested for throwing a Tupperware at a staff who was doing a hold on her roommate an hurting her. Needless to say, these constant events have added to my trauma and PTSD.
She is in a new home, which is for the most part doing well with her. There is one manager though with no experience with autism. She means well, but she uses approaches that are not helpful at all. I get calls from my daughter saying she hates herself and wants to die because the manager is upset with her. She needs constant positive reinforcement and she cannot understand someone else's point of view due to her disability. So someone being upset with her feels like she is being abandoned (she is adopted as well).
She called me today and I just couldn't handle it. I started to panic. I had this burning sensation in my chest. I tried to sort through what was rational to think about the situation. I reached out for help. But it wasn't helping.
My grandson is still in the hospital. Now he has pneumonia and influenza. Of course I am worried about him. My husband has been gone all week helping them. There are some unresolved issues between him and I. I can't get those out of my head either.
I took a klonopin and did a guided meditation. I got up and ate something. I am dieting so I may have been really hungry as well. I am drained. I wish I did not live with all of these mental issues from the years of on-going stress compounded by an abusive and neglectful childhood. Will this ever end? How could I ever keep a job?
Thank you for listening.
Need help to deal with GAD spouse
Needing to just tweak thoughts about Longtime friend who walked away from friendship.
Noticing Mamas All Around Lately And Wishing
Having a panic attack, trying not to retreat to my bedroom. 
