I have anxiety since high school because I was bullied by three boys, they would throw things at me, swear at me and basically verbally abuse me nearly every day to the point where I was scared to go school. This was since I started high school so since I was 11 to 15 years old (my last year was ok cause nothing much was said then as we were going towards finishing high school).
At the time i had friends but I became quiet and stopped speaking to people because of being bullied, my so called friends started using me for jokes, and basically thought it was ok cause I was quiet and cause I wouldn't say anything, one day me and my "friends" sat in the dining hall for lunch and they decided to get up and run away from me, me being in the state I already was I decided not to go after them I just left them. But one of my friends texted me at night saying it was a joke and told me to come back to them. So I gave them a second chance but then as a day or two went by I couldn't stay with them anymore because I didn't want people treating me like rubbish so since that day I stayed on my own. And never had the confidence to make friends again. (And with all this came a huge wave of depression since) I have my days where I'm good and most of my other days were bad.
I haven't had friends since I was 14 and now I'm 17 turning 18 in December.
So the real reason why I wrote all this was because of my family, Because it's like they don't want to understand what anxiety is or that they don't care about how I feel.
Whenever I get into normal sibling argument my parents or anyone in the family (my siblings) say that "oh why didn't you say stuff back when them boys were saying things to you in highschool" or my siblings would say "your faking your anxiety it's not even real , your fine".
Every now and then that's all I hear and I've tried explaining to them that's i can act different around these people because they are my family who I've know for years. Yet it's hard to say something to someone you don't know.
Right now I go to counseling once a week cause it's the holidays (and it will be continued) in hopes that maybe when I start my second year of college in September I can make friends and talk to people because for these past few years I've kept myself away from others feeling depressed and hopeless and dropping my grades and felt utterly miserable.
My siblings taunt me telling me that "you say every year that it's going to be different but it isn't". And honestly that makes me so upset cause it isn't exactly easy to deal with anxiety.
I didn't have anyone to confide in so I came here. 💕
Thankyou for listening.
Written by
maskedjinn
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Welcome to the site. Are you getting any help from a Dr., therapist or psychiatrist? Bullies are very insecure people, I hope you know that. Stand strong for you, fight the good fight. True friends are there for you if not you don't need that anyway. I wish you all the best. Love & Hugs!!!
I used to get bullied in high school, and then college, I never knew about anxiety, social anxiety why I was what I am, if I knew, and I knew there's help out there from someone who will nit tell a soul about your thouggts wirries and fears i.e a therapist I would've gone and get try to get help right away. Instead I listened to wrong advice and accepted myself as a loser...
You did the right choice getting help from a therapist. My parents still don't take anxiety seriously either, people including relatives/family members can be ignorant towards what they don't know.
Don't bother trying to get them to understand, they'll only understand when they want to, and can only really understand what it feels like if it were them in your shoes.
Remind yourself this, that this is your life, your path, no one should dictate it.
Bullying happens anywhere, even out of school/college/uni, it's usually done by sad pathetic individuals who have a narrow mind and insecurity about themselves most of the times.
If they have a problem with you, that's their problem.
Don't let ignorant people turn you down.
In my second year college I learned Taekwondo, only for a year since it's in a town far from where I live, I think any kind of martial arts can help in self confidence and defending yourself, making new friends and having self discipline.
It wasn't a magical cure, I still got social anxiety and all that.
It takes time to beat anxiety, any form of anxiety.
You can't let your past define who you are, and don't let anxiety define you either.
You will learn stuff in CBT that are quite useful, take it slowly and take your time, with the support of your counsellor/therapist you'll get there.
I like watching videos from Modernhealthmonk on YouTube, not sure if you seen his videos but they are quite inspiring and helpful life advice.
Anyways all the best, there are always people here for you should you need additional advice and stuff.
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