Looking for understanding

[kshannon72]

Hi my name is Kelly. I am looking for a place where I can talk to people who understand me, my family and friends do not understand so it is difficult to talk with them.

[capedlitigator]

What is the Trouble?

[kshannon72 in reply to capedlitigator]

I have anxiety and depression. I can not explain why. People tell me to get over it, that I should choose to be happy, that I should stop being afraid to do things. They do not understand that I would do all of those things if I could. Sometimes, on good days, I am happy and able to do anything. On bad days I can barely move from my bed. I am hyper sensitive to the comments and criticism of others as well. I take things to heart and when you live with someone who is overly critical and negative, it is physically exhausting.

[capedlitigator in reply to kshannon72]

I may be able to help. I've been through this since I was very young. Now, I'm 50 years old. How long have you been suffering?

[kshannon72 in reply to capedlitigator]

All my life. I am now 45. I have been on meds before but they always have side effects that I do not care for.

[capedlitigator in reply to kshannon72]

I can relate. Totally. I'm currently trying beta blockers to restrict adrenaline. Have you tried that? I've tried everything else. Are you sleeping?

[kshannon72 in reply to capedlitigator]

I sleep but often use sleep meds to help me stay asleep. Have not tried beta blockers. Mostly zoloft. But it causes weight gain and, lol, causes a decrease in sensitivity in a certain area.....gosh that is embarassing.

[capedlitigator in reply to kshannon72]

Don't be embarrassed. I've been there. Done that. It's ok. I quit SSRIs for the same reason.

[kshannon72 in reply to capedlitigator]

I am scheduling a visit with my provider to talk about other medication. Last time she was rude about the weight gain saying it was me eating too much and nit the mefication. May be looking for a new provider.

[capedlitigator in reply to kshannon72]

Do you have many options? I'm not in a major city so I have few choices when it comes to physicians. Have you tried Viibrid?

[kshannon72 in reply to capedlitigator]

I am in San Antonio TX. There are many doctors, though finding one who listens and understands is always a challenge.

[capedlitigator in reply to kshannon72]

I understand that. I live 100 miles outside of Chicago and it's a drive to get quality care. Are you on any meds right now?

[kshannon72 in reply to capedlitigator]

No not now. And I had a pretty bad episode on Friday after spending a week with my family on vacation.

[capedlitigator in reply to kshannon72]

Have you tried exercise? As intense as you can? When I can, I run a mile in just under ten minutes. That's fast for me and I feel much less anxious when I'm done.

[kshannon72 in reply to capedlitigator]

I do find that exercise helps, however, the depression causes me to lack the energy most days. But on my good days I do run and I tap dance and do yoga.

[Dreapalma in reply to kshannon72]

Same here. Also have any of you guys ever woken up drenched in your own sweat? Like I wake up sweating even when I have the air conditioner on.

[AKikka in reply to kshannon72]

I feel like you. My family behaves in a similar way. They are desperated for me to be "right", but they don't understand how, after months, I am no better. And they push... And I snap. And they ask me to explain what makes me feel so miserable, and, when I answer that I don't know, that I cannot control the sadness and the fear, they get angry at me because what they understand is that I don't want them to help me. Because I am not giving them the hints. That I should make them feel better about myself.

I left my parental house after a year of depression. They told me that having me around, so unhappy, was making them unhappy. So I left. And now I have to deal with the sadness and the fear, but at least it's nice not to have to worry about their feelings. I can focus in mine exclusively.

I hope that in the last eight months life has been better with you.

[STAFFORD]

HI My name is Stafford

Iam sorry the your friends and family don't understand you I know how you feel I have the same problem they tell me off for being depressed and ask why are you depressed you have no season to be. I have reasons to be depressed and they say things like put yourself together don't let it get you down. do you get that? I Do know how you must be feeling and I am so sorry for you I fully understand you. and I am here is you want a fiend to talk to I have Anxiety too.

My dad died when I was 14 years old he took his life he was 36 years old and last year my brother died he took his life too he was 38 years old they both had there lives ahead of them but I do know how they must have felt no enough support and now I am Mourning for them both but mostly my loving brother my depression started when my dad took his life.

Anyway I am here for you if you need me.

Love

Stafford

xxxx

[kshannon72 in reply to STAFFORD]

I am sorry for the things you have suffered in your life. Thank you for your kind words.

[Chad-ganda in reply to STAFFORD]

Hi Stafford. I think you have much reason to be depressed than Kelly but it looks like you are strong and have much power to overcome your anxiety.

@kelly..... You see your not really alone in your miserable life. Me too.... I am also suffering a lot. I am living my life in constant battle. Everyday is struggle. When I wake up in the morning negative thoughts start to spin inside my head and it makes me feel sick the whole day. By the way I am also taking medication for my sleep problem and Clonazepam for my anxiety.

Days can really be hard Kelly but we can survive this. We just have to figure out how. I myself I do a lot of exercise and i am training my mind to stay positive.

Everything has an end Kelly. Our anxieties are just temporary. Try to imagine your life ending away, Like today is your last day being alive. What will you do on your last day? would you like to spend it worrying? would it be great if you will die happy. We never know how long we stay alive thats the fact of life and everyday that passes is a day closer to our death.

I hope you well kelly and stafford. God Bless you.

[kshannon72 in reply to Chad-ganda]

Well thank you for your thoughts. However my life is not miserable. Just difficult sometimes.

[Chad-ganda in reply to kshannon72]

I am sorry for the choice of word.

[Miagirl701]

Hi Kelly. I understand how you feel. I am in the same situation it seems that my family is fine if I go along with them. Once I voice my opinion or don't agree, they talk behind my back and complain that I should do something about my depression. Honestly who really wants to be depressed. People don't get it. They think you get depressed because things don't go your way. Nothing can be further from the truth. Instead you would think they would offer assistance and offer support. Since that's not the case I am glad I found this forum. I am happy to reply anytime.

Maryanne

[mysmugcat in reply to Miagirl701]

Sorry to hear this I can identify a bit and your post helped me Ty and good luck

[kshannon72 in reply to Miagirl701]

Thank you. That is exactly the issue, and heaven forbid you have a glass of wine at a family event, suddenly they think I am an alcoholic and that is the sorce of my depression. They do not understand what it feels like when everything you feel is over the top. When you feel everything throughout your entire being. That is depression. Thank you for reaching out.

[mysmugcat]

Hi you've come to a good place. Depression can be lonely and isolating can't it? May I just say in a friendly way I like your sense of style from your picture

[kshannon72 in reply to mysmugcat]

Thank you! I do find happiness in dressing a bit retro or vintage. I believe I was born in the wrong time. 😊 On my good days I do like to dress in a fun way.

[prm88]

I'm going through the same, and can totally relate it may sound cleche, and I've not been on here that long, And don't have the confidence to comment a lot but you really are in the right place to just even read that other people are going through what I am helps me so much, it makes me realise that this is an illness, it's something that can be removed and isn't just 'the way I am' I hope that makes sense and please ignore any spelling / grammar ha xx

[kshannon72]

Thank you for reaching out. Its nice to know that otbers have tbe same issues and that I am not crazy for feeling the way I feel. I cant control this. It doesnt just go away. Don't be afraid to reach out. I judge no one. 😊

[erraticthoughts7]

Hi Kelly, I`m new to the site and I know exactly what you are experiencing. I have lifelong friends that I am estranged from because of my anxiety. They have judged and ridiculed me because they say that I am different and perceive my issues as being mentally weak. Every interaction with them ends in me feeling down because of something someone has said. The ups and downs and the highs and lows are exhausting. Being alone in my comfort zone is now a safe place for me. I try to find things to do that I really enjoy such as delving into conspiracy theories and messing around with computers. With that being said, there is no substitute for human interaction and I really struggle with that because being judged and ridiculed deflates my spirit.

[kshannon72 in reply to erraticthoughts7]

Thank you for reaching out and human interaction is very important to me. There in lies the struggle. I love to talk and have fun and have been trying to find a local support group but have not yet. Besides it would probably take me awhile to work up the nerve to reach out to the group. Anytime anyone needs to talk on here I am a great listener. You al are very kind.

[erraticthoughts7 in reply to kshannon72]

Talking to someone is precisely why I joined. I was once extremely social and a well-liked individual until suddenly the wheels came completely off. Recently after some extensive family research, I discovered that there is a history of mental illness that extends back 3 generations that I know of. This topic is off limits in our family because no one wants to admit or be associated with the social stigma of being mentally ill. I have taken the initiative of not only talking about it but making sure others in my family who are too ashamed to admit it have an outlet for understanding from someone who is experiencing it.

[kshannon72 in reply to erraticthoughts7]

Good for you! I have a family history as well. But we dont talk about it either. I remember my grandmother taking medication for her "nerves". I remember stories of my aunts having "episodes". But we dont talk about it.

[erraticthoughts7 in reply to kshannon72]

My grandmother suffered from schizophrenia, she was institutionalized at some point before I was born. She returned home after some time but she never recovered totally. She heard voices, had nightmares, and hallucinated frequently. My mother has displayed symptoms of her own but she is unwilling to admit it.

[kshannon72 in reply to erraticthoughts7]

Sorry to hear that.