It's hard to keep going.

[Mythical-Beast]

I felt myself getting bad again. I lost interest in everything I ever enjoyed, all I wanted to do was sleep. So after 8 years on 250mg of Zoloft, I saw a doctor about changing my medications.

The first taper schedule was unsuccessful; I was to decrease by 100mg to start, then go down by 50mg every five days until I was off it. It took a total of 15 days. The first day I was completely off was terrifying; besides being dizzy and nauseas, I was slipping in and out of a dissociative state, crying constantly, and googling methods of ending my life. Talked to my GP and was told to increase back to the lowest effective dose until i can see my psychiatrist next week.

So now I'm on 100mg daily. I'm not dizzy, sick, or losing touch with reality. But holy shit I'm depressed and suicidal. And god I want to cut. And I can't tell anyone in real life how badly I feel. But yesterday I spent my lunch break texting with a crisis counselor, and today I am writing this. The thought of people seeing how broken and messed up I feel is the only thing keeping me functional and working. All I really want to do is sleep and cry.

I dont know how much longer I can keep this up. I feel scared and so alone.

Thanks for reading.

[jkl5500]

If you'd like to talk, I'm here to listen.

[Summersun1soon]

Hello. I read your post and wish that company would come or something to help you feel not so alone. If your like me though in a room full of people you can be alone. I hate this depression. Try to stay as positive as you can. You will get the help you need. It seems like it takes forever I know. You are strong and have a purpose, you've come this far,. I wish you the best.

[MariaLove123]

Medication can increase depression and suicidal thoughts, especially weening off. I don’t think your doctor is doing it right. Going from 250 to 100 is a huge jump! I’ve weened off many medications and usually you go down the next dose for a while and it can take 3 months to be completely off.

Thank God you called the crisis line and talked on here. You have to call your doctor. If you go back up to 200 for a while, you should be fine. Remember it’s the symptoms of the medication giving you these thoughts. It’s not REALLY you thinking.

Maybe talk to someone you trust. Definitely talk on here as much as you need to. We’re here for you 🤗

[Mythical-Beast]

I really appreciate all the support and responses. It does help to feel a little less alone. I definitely feel like the psychiatrist should have tapered me slower, everything I've read said that people who have been on it for years can sometimes take months to get off of it. This was the first time I've seen this doctor and it's a low cost clinic, I don't have health insurance so I can't really go anywhere else.

Thanks again for the kindness, I needed it.

[Hidden]

I’ll echo what others say, you are experiencing withdrawals, 8 years of Zoloft is going to take at least a couple months of adjusting. Just keep in mind this is withdrawal but your brain will adjust, it takes time. I also recommend watching videos by Douglas Bloch on YouTube, he has experienced major depression a few times and has excellent videos. Keep fighting for yourself.

[cortisolqueen]

I am in the same situation. I started on Lexapro 20mg. and remeron 7.5mg almost 2 years ago. I started having panic attacks after 3 days on 60mg prednisone. I was given the prednisone for a severe case of vertigo. My life has been a mess since. I feel your pain. No one can really understand panic, anxiety and depression unless they have lived it. Several weeks ago I decided that it would be good to start weaning off the Lexapro since I really didn't feel like it was helping that much. BIG MISTAKE. Went down to 15mg without any problems, the Sunday went down to 10mg. and yesterday I woke up at 4:30 am with one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had. Needless to say, I feel like I am back to square one. I have been having thoughts of suicide all day yesterday and today. I don't think I would ever act upon these thoughts but it just scares the crap out of me that my mind is even capable of having such thoughts. I will pray for you and hope you feel better very soon. It is so scary to feel this way and like you will never be well again.

[missskippy]

I know what it feels like to want to hurt yourself as I am at that same place now. I don't have friends and my family cares about me but are sick of listening to me talk when I feel the need to say something. Right now finding this site is one place I can say what I want. I've been on so many different meds and seen so many different psychiatrists or counselors too. Still, people sometimes think a pill for depression should have worked by now and that just makes me feel like I failed at that too by not getting better.I've been on regular meds for maybe 25 years already. I'm alive but not really. I want to be able to feel confident and go out with other people in a lounge or a football game, but there is no one interested in the things I like to do. Sorry, I ended up talking about my problem, but I hope you know you are not crazy and there are others who feel what you do right now. I hope I didn't just depress you more. I'm new here too. Talk to me anytime I have nothing else to do.

[Singlemom6]

Hello how are you. Why are you feeling like this please feel free to message me all the things you said i think too except i dont take medications.

[Juliagail]

That taper sounds way too fast. I also think you are in withdrawals. I’ve felt it before, it was horrible. I’m so sorry. Hang in there, It’s temporary!