Is this It

[brittnietap]

Today was a horrible day. I have no where to go. I told all my family besides one person today that I no longer want to speak to them ever again. I never thought my life would get here. I know others go through worse but really I don’t know what I did to deserve misery. This is all too much for me to handle. I’ve only ever wanted love. And I thought if I loved my family somehow they’d reciprocate and see my kindness. But life doesn’t work that way. I told them all we’d never see eachother again and I said every last word I needed to say and finally released all my anger. I have this feeling that they will never see me again because tonight’s the night that I’m supposed to die. Ive always had a small feeling of hope. But I don’t see any hope anymore. I’m hoping tonight or tomorrow God shows me something to give me that small hope back

[brittnietap]

In all honesty I don’t know what to do from here. I don’t know how to pretend to be okay. Everything, all my goals no longer matter. They aren’t enough to make me want to move. They aren’t enough to stop my tears. They aren’t enough to make me want to fight to want to be here

[thatjuanguy in reply to brittnietap]

We don’t do anything to deserve this misery you just get the hand that you are dealt. You have to make it enough or find things that are enough and you have to always hope for a better tomorrow. You can’t give up the fight because life is worth fighting for. Remember your never alone.

[CazO46]

I obviously don't know what happened with your family and I'm sure you have good reason to be annoyed but I'm sure cutting yourself off from your family was a difficult and painful decision which is probably adding to your sadness at the moment. Perhaps you need to look after yourself at the moment and hopefully letting go of your anger is a good and compassionate thing to do to heal yourself. Maybe your family don't understand what you are going through ? Please take care of yourself xx

[Hidden]

Hope is ever present, my friend! Believe in that! None of us deserve the misery we experience, but I believe that in the long run, it produces character, empathy for others and kindness. You’re no exception! I would be careful about writing people off because they can change and so can certain situations. Be the understanding person that you wish from others. Wishing you the best 🌷🙂🌷

[Choccymilk0807]

I feel the exact way sometimes, I know when there’s a dark cloud over your head it is too dark to see tomorrow. I have also struggled with wondering what is the point? Why are we here and why do I have to feel like this? I know it hurts, but if you are able to try and find a creative or other healthy outlet for yourself. Sometimes it’s enough just to distract yourself from the pain. And the nights and morning are always the worst. But think of how you can turn your pain into a positive thing. Help others and get out of your own mind for awhile, I find it really helps me. I can’t possibly imagine how it feels to have had to cut them out of your life, please be strong. Another thing you can try is to ask yourself if there is one last crazy thing you know there’s no way on this earth you could leave without doing it; like seeing the northern lights in person, living abroad, skydiving etc anything you want. Everybody wants to do something, and then everyday I want you to think to yourself about what you can add onto that list. Also remember the last time you smiled even just a little bit. Think about what things make you smile if you are able to. Just a note, personally with bipolar I go through moods of self awareness and almost control over my pain and complete depression and mania so I’m not sure how your demeanor is most of the time. I am sending love to you

[weegmack]

I’m so sorry to read of all your pain. I am in a similar position with my family - my mother simply cannot support my mental health problems and I am literally hiding from most of my family right now.

It was brave of you to speak your mind about them - you must feel very desperate. Have any of them reached out since or reacted in any way at all?

You don’t deserve any misery in your life - you’ve taken a step to cut off your family and it would maybe help if you told me why you felt you had to do that. I have a close friend who has had to do the same. Remember that you are important and your life has so much worth. It’s absolutely ok now, for you to do something for yourself - something nice, whatever it is.

Let us know you’re ok xxx

[EastbayTom]

I am what is left over when someone gives up, myself and my kids. I am a facsimile of the man I was before, my career is done, my kids are 22, 18, and 14. I lost so much of myself 14 years ago when my wife killed herself,my whole identity. Please, don't do that to your family, it is hell for those left.vou might think they don't care, but, they will. They will want the pain to stop, but, it can't and wont