PARENT OF OCD (INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS) 21 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER

[calmme]

I am desperate for my daughter. She has been diagnosed with OCD since she was about 14 years old. Her INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS are making her life unbearable and common language she is currently using includes 'life isn't worth it if it's going to be like this' and other phrases that indicate suicidal ideation, without a plan. She is angry at the world, easily aggravated and breaks down in tears of deep internal anguish out of exhaustion, frustration and self hate.

She is my hero and has battled away to achieve various work and study goals. None of which have come easily. Her OCD thoughts tell her that she is not good enough, not patient enough in her role as an Enrolled Nurse, when the opposite is true. She is highly committed and goes the extra mile in caring for her elderly patients. Despite this she goes home feeling like a terrible nurse, horrible carer and as a result is currently wanting to stop working in an area she loves because of these INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. She feels alone and needs support from another person preferably of similar age going through similar issues and being coached and helping each other. She is somewhat skeptical of professionals who in her opinion don't know what it's like except from books. Although she does mostly take regular Fluvoxomine to assist her.

I guess I'm trying to start the ball rolling for her to make connections with like minded normal people who just happen to have some difficult thoughts to deal with. She is a loving caring a friendly person, who has so much self doubt. I know she will involve herself with the right people on a site like this and that she will join in her own right, it's just at this point she is so low I am making some initial enquiries / steps on her behalf and with her permission.

Thank you for reading and I hope someone can help her make some positive connections

Concerned Dad.

[quitter333]

Not a medical expert, but I think meeting people from her field, that show and tell her first hand - this profession does not require perfection. Perfection actually is not very good in emergency etc. I think her mind would switch to more pleasant - "I am doing pretty ok, great compared to peers, and people in my field are same as me." Hope that helps. I am a big believer that emotional experiences first hand are true key of releasing mental problems, rather than classic "digging inside your own head" with or without a psychologist present.

..

example - my mother had quite traumatic childhood, her stepfather was very abusive (beat children). She sometimes remembered it, and got upset superfast (I actually suspected bipolarity for some time, but no) and even cried etc.

So I deduced - I am a grown strong man, that's my mom, and what she needs is CLOSURE. She remembers sad events that are 50!! years old. So In my thinking what we needed to do was take all these bad thoughts, meet her object of anger (the stepfather, was is still alive) and meet her anger/fear/intrusive depression. This way her old memories would finally get a closure, there would be some endgame - I expected either she'd be super rude to the stepfather or whatever. All I needed was that she simply puts a layer of fresh memories over some that are beating her brain for 50 years !! now.

So - we went to stepfather, had a talk. naturally I was present simply because mom is short of small and thin, she always said she felt desperate she was too weak to fight back when little. So I was her representation of power. Also I feared she might kill him She's oldish, but tough. And she simply let all her anger out on stepfather. I never expected any requests for apology, I only wanted to see them go at it, fight it out already, condemn stepfather and let him die in solitude. I did not care about stepfather, even if he changed as a person (honestly, I don't think dude beating children and animals at age 40 can change), might as well tell him he can rot in hell or even toss him around a little (ok, hes too old, just a fun thought)... but it was not too bad, I will not go into details, but there was genuine endgame in this shitty story in mother's life. And I think few days later she felt much better. She will now NEVER remember her childhood, but instead will remember how we just now stepped up as family and ended her nightmarish memories. With SUBSTITUTING OLD EXPERIENCES WITH NEW ONES.

..

.. ok, we killed the old dude..

.. just kidding there were just talks..

[calmme in reply to quitter333]

A good son. I'm glad you helped your mother, no matter how you had to do it. Thanks.

[PhoebeBH]

First of all, thank you! Thank you for reaching out for help on your daughters behalf - as a young person also suffering with mental illness I know it can be daunting trying to find your footing in the beginning, so it's lovely to see a parent guide their daughter through this. I've suffered with anxiety and depression for around five years since moving to University when I was 18.

By no means is my experience the same as your daughters, but I can relate to what you're saying as I too have suffered with intrusive thoughts and detrimental thought patterns. Have you considered Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? Rather than traditional counselling, this type of therapy really helped me with my intrusive thoughts as it focuses more on challenging these patterns compared to counselling which focuses more on experiences. Personally, I didn't have specific trauma or experiences that I needed help processing and so felt counselling wasn't the right choice for me. It's something worth looking into!

I hope this helps x

Edit: I just brought up the link that I used to find out more about CBT before starting, perhaps give it a read. Mind have a lot of useful information on all sorts of therapy, it can help decipher which may be best for your daughter.

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

[calmme in reply to PhoebeBH]

Thanks so much Phoebe.

It is heartbreaking as a parent and so much more difficult for the person living with a mental illness. I'll be sure to check out and pass on the links you have provided. Hope your own journey continues in the right direction and that you have good supports around you.

Kind regards

[Beauty987]

Sorry about your daughter. You are right, she needs to be with others who understand what she is experiencing. You say she doesn't like therapists because all they know is books, but would she be willing to delve into one or two herself? I have never gone to a therapist but I have found a lot of help in reading books related to the brain, etc. Two that stand out are Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Daniel Amen and Rethink How You Think by Dr. David Stoop. They have both been very helpful to me.

[TaraRae]

Well, I'm not 21 anymore but before I became terminally ill I was a Nurse. I was an awesome Nurse, single Mother and nanny for others children. I was so much like your Daughter, still am and fight this daily. I get it, I get her. 1,000 people could tell me I'm great, I received very high accolades from numerous jobs yet kept hearing & feeling "you're fat, you're ugly, you're stupid, you're a bad Mother, bad Nurse, baf person." Yes, I have crazy OCD. I've seen so many therapists and been on tons of meds. It all comes down to this, you can't do it for her. I know, my 24 year old Daughter has very promiscuous behavior, states she has "Daddy issues" and won't let me help her. It kills me.

Back to your Daughter, counselors are the best! Keep in mind they all have different styles and don't accept one that doesn't mesh well with her. I've seen 20-40 different ones, outta that vast # I've had TWO that really helped me. My current one doesn't like to hang a diagnosis on me as she sees that as negative and knows I will as well. DBT, dialectical behavior therapy has helped me the most. It's basically re-training your brain to stop (when a negative self harming thought comes in) address if that's reality based or just a taught, self conscious response. Once you stop and address this thought is my perception and not reality based you find a visual way to send that thought away, like put in on a train and send it away. Replace that negative thought with a reality based based thought like "my patients say I'm am a great Nurse. Therefore, I am a great Nurse!" You just re-train the "old tapes" in your brain that replay over and over telling you these negative, self harming things. It's a lot of work but with THE RIGHT THERAPIST it can be worth it. My therapist also uses techniques that help me self soothe and they work as well. I've given up on drugs as they never really helped me, but that's me. She needs to start finding ONE THING a day to be grateful for, it may be as small as a cup of coffee but gratitude goes along with self introspection. She, her mind is doing this to her and I deeply believe she can help herself given the right tools. As a parent I do understand your worry and frustration but see if she will try therapy. My therapist comes to my home! It's awesome, I have so much trust and genuine respect and love for this person. I do believe what SHE says as she has no reason to lie to me. Let me know if this helps.

Tara