How I feel...

[Freedom31]

This battle with my anxiety has taken the pleasure and joy of being a mother of 5...I'm irritable, impatience, jealous and angry all the time. I can't even feel the LOVE anymore. I just want to be held and squeezed tight and assured everything will be ok. My children are tired of it, my future husband looks drain from all of it. I have distance myself from my family and close friends. I hate the fact that i can't even help my own son with his depression and anxiety...Sometimes I feel like i'm slowing dying inside...wish this would all go away

[cruin]

You are not alone. I feel the same way. I'm no fun to be around. My children both have anxieties and I feel responsible for it.

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your going through this ...it's a horrible disease and it's not your fault. Have you gotten any professional help, groups, etc.? I know sharing here is helpful for me to get stuff out and express how I am feeling...I'm glad your here.

[Freedom31 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you, I'm glad I'm here too!! I think I was in denial and trying to hide it and keep it under control as much as could for years. I have sought professional help, taking medication, therapy, counseling, and support from my partner, who is also a therapist, but sometimes I feel its worse because he thinks that it will all go away once I remove my triggers...NOT lol

[cbonne846]

I'm a mom of 4, my children inherited my depression and some of them get suicidal. With my depression I'm unable to help them. I too have isolated from some of my friends and I have no joy in me to be the mom I once was and that makes me feel guilty. My husband is so stressed out that when I tell him how I'm feeling he just walks away when what I need from him is to hug me and tell me things will work out ok. I feel you... I've had to be hospitalized for several weeks and attended a partial hospitalization program, now I'm doing 1:1 therapy and that sometimes seems like it's not working. See what's out there in your community that will help you, there are hotlines and warmlines that are available for you to talk, I don't know where you live but Google warmlines in your area, it's a place you can just talk about how you're feeling. Are you on medication? Please, make an appointment to see a doctor to get help, you don't want things to get worse.

Write to me anytime.

[Freedom31 in reply to cbonne846]

You sound just like me....Thank you for taking the time to reply, I don't feel alone. We have very similar situations.... I have sought professional help but after medication and seeing a therapist weekly I didn't see positive results. The medication made me drowsy and my therapist after a year of seeing him would always fall asleep on me.LOL I took the matter into my own hands, changed my diet and exercise faithfully 5 days a week, the gym is my medicine I'm good there but once I return to home and reality hit all starts up again. I know my triggers..I need to be more selfish and take care of me more...

[cbonne846 in reply to Freedom31]

You are sooo right about exercise, it's a component that cannot be ignored. To your therapist... how dare he/she fall asleep, please don't feel they're all like that, I've had a therapist for 7 years and he was as polite to me as the first day we met. YOU are important! And need to be heard! Try to find another therapist that pays attention to your needs and will help you with your triggers. Do it for your kids and for yourself!

[cbonne846 in reply to Freedom31]

Also, after being married for 29 years I now realize that my husband can't be everything to me. You are about to get married, get help so that you can avoid some of the mistakes I've made and you can have a wonderful marriage. When's your wedding date?

[Freedom31 in reply to cbonne846]

Thank you appreciate your advice.. we don't have a date, he feels that in order for us to move to the next level I need to get right. We use to always talk about marriage but over the months the conversation died I told him I will continue to do the best that I can but my anxiety will always be here. So maybe will never have a date Lol I realized this past weekend that if he can't be beyond my anxiety then his not for me...marriage is through thick in thin. I tell you one I'm here chatting with people just like me that's a start. I know within time, things will be OK

[Ichthymom]

Sorry you're going through this! I also have anxiety and recovering from a horrible depression. I found that a lot of my anxiety comes from the lack of rest/sleep. Do you know what causes your anxiety?

It can get better! I hope you can get some support or help from your doctor and please come back here! I'm ready to listen and chat anytime.

[Freedom31 in reply to Ichthymom]

Thank you, I will definitely take you up on chat when needed. Yes, I know my triggers but its hard to take control of my situation...