Stuggling

[melbrown]

First off I don't want to trigger anyone, love so many of you here & hate to cause anyone pain. I am struggling so bad lately, the past day has gotten bad... BAD thoughts creeping in don't know why... I'm scared... haven't done anything, won't... but the voice won't quite... right now crying.... can't tell my husband, don't know how, don't want to scare him.... see my therapist tomorrow morning.... scared she'll want to commit me... scared .... sorry ❤

[jkl5500]

If you want to talk, I'll listen.

[melbrown in reply to jkl5500]

Thanks... trying to think of words.... I don't even know why I'm feeling this bad. I don't want to, never have acted anyway on them... just want it to shut up...

[jkl5500 in reply to melbrown]

I recommend telling your therapist exactly what's going on. Don't leave anything out. You won't shock them - they're heard it all a million times. They're on your side, and they want to help. They have to know the whole story to help you the best.

[melbrown in reply to jkl5500]

I can do that... I already took the check in survey thing the hospital has us do before. So she knows I've had those thoughts...

[jkl5500 in reply to melbrown]

Sometimes anxiety can "snowball" on you, and you get scared because you're scared! I was hoping you could calm yourself down and reassure yourself, so you could get some sleep. Good luck with the session tomorrow.

[melbrown in reply to jkl5500]

Thanks so much for being there... did eventually fall asleep. Still feeling horrible, appt. in a couple hours. Going to be honest, will be amazed if not crying in waiting room.... thanks again.

[lovedogs51511]

I'm so sorry melbrown your feeling so hurt!! I get those down feelings and bad thoughts too. So many of us love you too!! Never apologize about how your feeling!! I know how you feel cause I always apologize too. I bet your husband would only try to be there for you if he loves you a lot. I doubt the therapist will commit you cause your just having really tough time. I think we're all similar that way. The bad thoughts mostly just lying to us. Wish I could help you more. I've been there lots too. It will pass in time. Hopefully very soon. Hope you get feeling better very soon!!

[melbrown in reply to lovedogs51511]

Thank you lovedogs❤ Right now trying to stay in bed, trying read in hopes to relax myself to bed. To focus on happy thoughts... just hard right now. I normally don't get these thoughts, so it's diffcult....Loves

[Hidden]

Mel, I am so sorry you’re having a rough time. You’re always here for me. Please know I am always here for you as well. I’ve been having a rough couple of days too. I hope things get better for you. You’re so strong. We can get through this together! <3

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

Thank you sweetheart. We can beat this... We need each other ❤ Hope you get some sleep tonight. Loves

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

Mel, I am checking on you. How are you doing? How did your meeting go with your therapist? Thinking of you. Love & hugs to you! <3

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

Right now drained... 2 hour secession, with a call to my husband. No hospitalization for now. Going to attempt outpatient. Waiting to speak to doctor about meds. My husband will meet me here shortly. Thank you.💛

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

I’m so sorry you’re struggling so badly. If you need me, please let me know!!! I am hurting too, but I am with you! Love you, Mel! Please stay strong!!! xo

[Hidden]

Hello melbrown...I’m so sorry you’re struggling. If you’re hearing voices in your head from people who are not physically present, you have to tell your therapist this morning. Tell them that you’re “hearing voices” if that’s in fact what’s going on with you. They’re trained on how to take care of you! Medication will make a huge difference, you just have to take it. If you end up in the hospital, then that’s what you need. Try to take it easy and get some rest/sleep. Hospitalizations can be productive if you follow their plan for you and focus on your recovery! Wishing you the best!!

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

Thank you GratitudeFirst. Definitely going to be honest with her, even if it's scary. Don't want to feel like this.

[fauxartist]

awe mel....I'm glad you got us to be open to about this....it's just a horrible feeling when we are in this despair....and your bottomed out.....I'm sorry pal your going through this. It just sucks when we can just flip a switch and stop it....you know your too important to your family to not get what ever help you need honey.....don't be scared.....please.....you don't deserved to suffer like this. Let your therapist help you..let them know of you fears around this....and try to work with them on a solution that works best for you, what did you do last time you were in this place mel.....what helped.....

[melbrown in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you Fauxartist. I am scared, crying- put contacts on so I can wear sunglasses, so no one notices. On my way to appt. now, hoping to leave feeling safer... It's hard to believe I went from feeling like something is wrong to feeling like wanting to do something wrong... I don't understand. Last time, I reached out to mental health & started the process again..... 😢 I don't understand....

[fauxartist in reply to melbrown]

Who do you have mel that you can hold onto right now....listen...it's okay....you can reach out....those that love you would want to do that for you. Even if its your furry buddies....hold them close honey.....feel the love.....hang on mel.....

[Hidden]

Oh sweet Melissa I'm so so sorry you are feeling like this! Make sure you are 100% open with your therapist, please! You are so undeserving of this. I understand though & want to take this from you, now that is frustrating that I can't. You know I'm here for you, how I wished we didn't have so many miles between us, I'd be there in a heartbeat for you. I'll be with you today in spirit, know that okay? Stand strong for you, big challenge, but know you can do this! You are so very special to me! All my love & dump trucks of hugs!!! Please let me know how you make out!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

I wish you were here too... could use some hugs. I couldn't bring myself to tell my husband... didn't know how... & he has a full plate. He thinks I'm still having health anxiety... don't understand how it went from that to this. I'm on train now, appt like an hour away. I'll let you (& everyone) know... trying hard not to break down 😢

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

You are going to be okay, I have the good gut feeling for you! I love you!!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

oops I forgot all the love & zillion hugs for you, I'm sorry, forgive me?

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

🙂 So much love & hugs right back at you too. I hope so... trying to focus on happier things.

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

That's a good thing to do! Hang in there, I'm with you sweet girl!!! More love & hugs for you!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Marshall64 in reply to melbrown]

Give yourself some credit as you are doing positive things to address your situation such as going to your appointment and reaching out to people. Just doing those things can be a struggle.

Wishing you a great day...

[melbrown in reply to Marshall64]

Thank you... made it to the office, early, but here. Clean clothes, didn't forget anything. Waiting in the garden they have before checking in... telling myself I'm safe.

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

[LMCello]

Please tell your husband. He loves you and he wants to know when you are struggling. Even if he can’t do anything, he will want to know because he cares about you!

About being committed: it’s not a bad thing. It helps. A lot.

You will be on my mind and heart. Please talk to someone close to you, and we will look for updates from you also.

❤️

[melbrown in reply to LMCello]

Thank you sweetheart. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. He's going through so much, I don't know how to get the words out. He thinks it's my health anxiety, was crying as trying to fall asleep. Don't understand how it went from that to this... so scared. On way to therapy now... will update. Hugs.

[Lain599]

Sounds like med problems. Severe depression causes psychosis. If you do not want to be committed, tell her so! My doctor has kept me out of hospital for 12 years. I was super depressed a while back. My doctor doubled my Abilify and told me to call him in 2 hours. Voila! Depression gone!

However, if you are in danger of harming yourself...it is illegal for some stupid, callous reason. Don't worry too much. Just make sure that if you must be hospitalized it is a good place.

My eldest is delusional and hallucinates but functions quite well. He is not hospitalized.

So, maybe you just need to see your psychiatrist pronto.

Good fortune to you!

[melbrown in reply to Lain599]

Thank you Lain. I really freaked myself out by reading reviews of some local places... they sound horrible, don't want to go to any of them. Hoping my therapist has a good solution or even speaking to her improve me. Almost at my appt. 🤞

[Dubba61]

I've nothing better to add to what's been said. But, I hope you feel able to tell your therapist and I hope your feeling better soon. 😊👍🌻

[melbrown in reply to Dubba61]

🙂 Just knowing someone else cared & understands mean a lot. 💛

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

Hey we all love you!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Hidden]

Hey Mel 🌻 seeing your therapist will help, sending you hugs babe

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Sunflower... hugs & loves ❤

[Starrlight]

❤️

[melbrown in reply to Starrlight]

Loves to u 2. ❤

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

Thanks 😃 I am here for you; wishing you well Melbrown.

[melbrown in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks Starrlight, knowing that means the world.

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

((((((Hug)))))) sweet

[melbrown]

UPDATE: Was honest with my therapist- 2 hour seccession. Hospitalization was discussed... I really don't want it, scared of it. We got my husband on phone, so he now knows. Going to try out patient program, meet with them Monday. Don't know how to explain any of this to work. Going to try Zoloft, she had me meet with a psychologist today. I'm very drained & still very scared. My husband is being supportive. Hope these thoughts stop soon.... Love you all, thanks.

[Lain599]

Cool about your therapist! I really like mine but have been avoiding him, pretty much. I realized I felt worse after talking to him. I am too negative and plausible. So, it can be a major downer to visit. So, this time, I kept the session light. Actually, I text the dark and save valuable time that way.

I surely hope you heal in a good way! (Me too!)

[sherril2291]

Wow, you've received so much love and good advice on here! The only thing I can add is to see if your work has EAP available. I was able to set up a session with them to discuss what was going on with my therapists, etc. and they will work with you to save your job. Hugs and hang in there! I hope things go well with you Monday and that the outpatient program is staffed by people who know what exactly what you need!