I'm new

[tatimclrn]

Hi, I've recently ( going on 6 months now) have been experiencing severe depression. I've always had a long history of depression and suicidal thoughts but never sought help for because I've just always thought " yeah people get sad sometimes , that's just life". It got 1000x more intense at the star of my second semester of my freshman yr in college. I had blacked out from alcohol and after that it really got intense , I couldn't leave my dorm for more than 20 minutes , I wouldn't move for days, I was crying every morning , started cutting myself. I thought it would get better when I got home for summer break , but I couldn't get a job bc I just couldn't get out of bed and my thoughts were just so heavy , I feel like like such a burden and that I'll never find love or peace or happiness and it just sucks bc every time I try to talk to my family they don't believe me , say "oh please" or that "that's just life" , "get over it" and the other thing that sucks is that my family is very well off , I go to a great university so I just feel so selfish which just adds to my self torturing. The only thing good going in my life is definitely sleep, I just feel very alone.

[veeeeeeee]

You are not alone. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety since middle school and I have had days (including today) when I just wanted to end it all. The pain, the loneliness, the feeling of hopelessness, sometimes its just too much. But we are going to get through this. all of us. We are going to find reasons everyday to get out of bed and find a way to live. Just keep fighting.

[tatimclrn]

Thank you I definitely needed to hear that💕

[JoniJ]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so alone and helpless. It must be frustrating to have family, but not feel like you have their support. It must also be frustrating for your family to have resources, but not feel that you could go to them to access resources that could help you because they are not taking you seriously. It sounds like it is time to seek help from a therapist or counselor. Perhaps it is time to explore more deeply why you feel the way you do and do the things that you do. Cutting and depression, are very serious. I pray that you will have the strength to do whatever you can to move forward and have the kind of life that you want.