Insight...

[Lu2356]

So it’s been quite the experience lately with so many emotions riding in and out of me. I feel so much all the time. I am usually hyper vigilant of things around me and hyper sensitive with pain. Also, I haven’t been able to really feel anything for my husband as of late. He hasn’t really paid much attention to me like he use to and when he does, it’s to put his hands on me to get in the sack. It’s uncomfortable bc it doesn’t feel genuine. It’s like I force myself to do things with him bc I don’t feel much love like I use to. I think most of the time I crave just the simple things in life, him holding my ha d or wanting to hug me. We have been together for 12 years and it feels like 30. Idk. Maybe, the whole thing with my mom being as ill as she has been has put all my focus on her. Also, he hasn’t been very supportive or as compassionate as I would like him to be. Then again, I realize I have to accept him for who he is... thoughts?

[Lymeforyears]

Hi lu, I may not be able to help much but I can relate to many of your thoughts. I wonder though if it was his lack of emotional support is what caused u to feel less for him or did you already start to feel that way before the lack of attention. So I guess that would be the chicken before the egg question lol. I've been there before in my 1st relationship of 15 years. Seems like in the beginning he was the one craving attention and then I felt like he wasn't giving me attention in later years. Well I just didn't feel that way, he wasn't. We did try counseling but it didn't really pan out but maybe a possibility for u two? Then maybe you could explain in counseling that u have to go slow before you slept with him again and he may or may not understand. Even in the relationship I am in now compassion is not even possible from my partner. I am really compassionate but sometimes the way out husband or boyfriends are they may not be capable or really know how to be that way. Was he ever really supportive? Sometimes in the beginning everything seems great but for sure we all go through changing feelings on our relationships. Sorry about your mom being sick. I lost my mom 4 years ago and had no emotional support. Makes u kind of bitter towards your partner when that happens because it is then I need them most important 💛

[Lu2356 in reply to Lymeforyears]

I mentioned counseling to him and he just shut me down, saying we didn’t need it. Or more like he didn’t need it. My family, which includes my brothers and aunts, have been just talking about each other and myself to one another. That gets old and frustrating as well bc it doesn’t get to the important things that need to be taken care of regarding my mom. I had friends in the past that were like family but then that does bc all they did was drink and party. After so many run ins with the law, I didn’t want anything to do with them. It’s like every man for himself. So now, after so many years of being use to depending on my own decisions and my mom, it’s hard to make the adjustment. I could go on with nonsense about petty things and she would set me straight with simple responses. She would make me think and my dad was like that as well. He was a lot calmer. It hurts not to have him physically here, but I know I can depend on what I learned during the time he was with me. He always spoke to me about the Bible and Jesus. My mom’s faith has been wavering bc of her sickness, but I know that God wants me to continuously remind her of the path she always to take with Him...

[Lymeforyears in reply to Lu2356]

Lu , it was great for you to suggest counseling. All u can do is try. You can only keep trying and see if maybe one day he will change his mind or maybe u can go by yourself to help learn tools to deal with the situation. I too had tons of freinds in the party world. When all that is over life is different isn't it?? Definitely more alone but more time to learn about ourselves etc.. It's so hard when your mom helped you in life's decision making. It was gut wrenching when I had to help my mom who was such s strong woman the whole time I needed so much help. Don't know how I got through it. Prayers to u at this difficult time. So sorry as well about your dad. It sounds like he was a great man and I love what u said about you can depend on what u learned from him while he was here. It's almost like your taking your dads place for your mom now and thinking of what he would have told her to help. You said your dad was so calm. Something I strive for every day. Such s wonderful place to get to. You are a very strong woman and you certainly have my support 💛