Shutting it off

I was sitting by the river Thinking. This old couple asks me what wrong? I said that don't have anything. Nothing makes me special, maybe I don't want to believe because I got what I desire to feel pain and darkness. It is my heart. A lot of people live by this thing loving yourself, hope, faith, patience, the universe, stay positive, do what makes you happy, surround your yourself with people that care about you and the list goes on.

It not about positive or negative, I live in the real world where you are going to get hurt, you feel pain, win or lose, be successful or unsuccessful, the list goes on.

I realize that people like me just don't belong in that world. We are not worthy of love, we see pain, we save our friends from falling, we courage are friends to keep moving forward and be happy without us and much more.

Some of my friends and people I care about looking at me like am a freak and he doesn't desire anything but pain, he needs to die.

Thinking about shutting it off

[Natasha_1994]

hey zeld.. honestly? i was crying while reading your story.. and i still am. because i know, and i really know how it feels, and it exactly how i feel almost everyday. all i feel is pain, all i want to do is just stay inside my bedroom and crying all day all night. cause i feel like my life has no purpose and i do not know what's the good thing for me, for my life.. but hey, as long as we live, all we can do is be kind to each other and keep giving love to others who are on our surroundings. big hug to you there! may God always bless you

[Hidden in reply to Natasha_1994]

Thank you. same to you too. big hug to you.

[Agora1]

Good Morning zeld! Your post is the first one I read for the day. Very down, very thought provoking words. In life, there are the "givers" and the "takers", if for that reason only, you are not alone. You give and you give to people and get nothing but loneliness in return. You tend to focus on the people who look like they have their life all together while yours is falling apart. Not so. Not so at all.

We only see what the other person wants us to. Alcohol abuse, drug abuse, emotional and physical abuse exist. Some people have a better way of hiding these emotions. You deserve to be in this world just as much as the next guy. Everyone is worthy of love. Whether we receive it in our lifetime has to do with how we perceive ourselves.

You found this forum for a reason. Nothing in life happens without a reason behind it, including the reason we are here in the first place. It wasn't a mistake. We all have a part to play. Like being on stage. We have a different role in this production. We all are important. Making no difference if you are the star or extras or behind the scenes. The play, like life, can't go on without every one of us having a part to play in it.

I'd like to talk with you. Take my hand and let's share a friendship. I think you will find you are not alone. Each and every one of us is hurting and feels unwanted at times.

I care about you and every other person on this forum. I feel your hurt, I feel your pain. There is no need to suffer alone. I'm but a message away. xx

[Dubba61 in reply to Agora1]

Beautifully said. Agora😊✌️🌻

[Rpan]

This pain you discuss, the desire perpetuate this pain, sounds like it has become somewhat of an addiction for you. It’s like the alcoholic that only thinks about, getting, using and finding ways to get more alcohol. If there is no desire to change, than you just get what you have, relentless pain. Nature always has a balance, when there is up, there is down. Etc. if we just focus on pain all we will have is pain. It really is that simple. It’s your choice as to how you entertain your inner critic. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt there is another way. Only you can commit yourself to finding another way. Clearly your asking for help because you keep posting here. When I was at where you are I put my life into the care of professionals, I asked for help, you too can do the same.

[Hidden in reply to Rpan]

You know I feel like you are judging me

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Maybe they are trying to tell you of their experiences in the hope that it will help you.

[Rpan in reply to Hidden]

No doubt it feels like judgement to you zeld. Rest assure there is no judgement here. I’m just pointing out what I think is going on with you from personal experience. There are many of us that are hearing you and feeling your pain. We only want what is best for you, but we can’t do the work for you, we can only share with you what works for us. I’m touched by you, I know the weed is a big issue, it was for me. It wasn’t until I stopped smoking 23 + years ago thats when things started to change for me.

[Hidden in reply to Rpan]

I don't smoke, I don't smoke weed, I don't drink, I don't run from my problems. I face it and I move forward.

[Rpan in reply to Hidden]

Perfect that is great to hear. So what is the action plan to eliminate these thoughts of “ shutting it off”

[hypercat54]

Hi it's hard to know what to say to you as you tell us very little. Have you taken on board what you have been told on your previous post? Do you understand and believe it.

Instead of concentrating on helping others you need to direct your energies on helping yourself instead, This sounds selfish but it's not coz if you are happier then those around you are too.

Make yourself your own best friend and treat yourself as you treat others. x

[Hidden]

Hello Zeld .. your post has really touched my heart and to be honest I might not have great advice but I just wanted to reach out to you . There’s been times in my life where I’ve felt these feelings too .. but honestly sometimes its just not true there’s something beautiful and important and unique about everyone in this world... im sorry if I’ve said the wrong thing .. I just want you to know you’re worth it ... maybe seek professional help and try to push through this fog with their help ... 💕

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Dubba61]

I'm sorry your feeling this way Zeld. N I know what it feels like to be so laden by depression/anxiety. However your friends and people you care about, see you, you are, definitely, not a Freak. And if they really think that you are, it is share ignorance on their part. I hope that things get better for you. 😊✌️🌻

[Angelfox2002]

so real and so sad... I wish I had more words than tears for you!