dont know what to do

[tdaniels]

My husband makes me afraid. He's always been loud and aggressive in every way but it seems to be worse. My stomach is always in knots and I dont want to come home from work because anything I do or say he make commentary or uses it against me later on. No, he's never hit me but sometimes I feel i'd rather be bit than barked at. I think I want to separate but then things are good then I change my mind. I feel like I should to to a professional. psychologist? I really dont want to be on medication for anxiety and such. I just need to be a better me.

[Hidden]

Wow so leave maybe you neex to live apart to make to actually see what you want. It never hurt to try if he love you some much he will understand if not move on because you only hurting your self in the long run

[Hidden]

Hi tdaniels. I know how you feel because I lived it. For 6 years. He was verbally abusive, a cheater and a user as well as a liar. But you know what happened ? After a while he became physically abusive. And I finally one day got the courage to leave him. Abusive men bring you down and keep you down, that's there way of controlling you. You get Stockholm syndrome when you are in an abusive relationship, that syndrome is not just for kidnapped people. You get it with your abuser ar well. Yes it might get better for a while but it will never stop, so the only advice I can give you is get out fast because belive me when I tell you. Your anxiety will get worst and you deserve to live a life worry free, loved, respected and anxiety free. You don't need a psychologist, you need to leave the man who doesn't appreciate you and treats you like crap. I know you might love him, but sometimes you need to get the courage to walk away from a toxic situation, you need to love yourself more.

[August1 in reply to Hidden]

That was a great reply Swan01, I hope you find your solace tdaniels

[Sue84]

I am in the same boat. I went through another verbal abuse attack two weeks before christmas. Bought a house with my boyfriend 2 years ago. Looked for a place to move but christmas is the worst time. Place i did look at turned out a dump. Now, he is being all nice again and gave me bunches of presents for christmas yesterday ( I spent my christmas eve and day away from him and with my family). I am trying to stay strong and focused on moving out but now he is getting me soft again. Supposedly this time (just said it yesterday) that he is willing to woek on the issues. I dont know what to do now! Been together 9 years and he hasnt changed. Not sure if the separation over christmas and his eye opening experience with his family celebration (gone seriously bad) helped or??? I need advice and help every step of this journey! Cant go through it again. I have ptsd and anxiety and his vicious name calling attacks sends me into a tailspin, affects my job, and my family. I have one real friend and she is getting fed up with me. Lost and afriad!!

[Hidden in reply to Sue84]

Hi Sue84, forgive me if my words are to blunt, but they never change, ever. That being nice is just a way to get you to stay abusers like power and he knows how to work and panipulate you. If he has not changed in 9 years what makes you think he will change now? The holidays? Does he normally do this? He yells then suddenly he is sweet and nice then reverts back to normal ? I am speaking to you from experience they don't change, I went through it and my older sister went through it even worst and abuser does not change. But if you feel like he for some reason deserves yet another chance then give him one, but see how long it takes before he reverts back to his abusive ways. Then it's up to you what you decide to do. The advice I give you is to get away far away from him, your health is more important.

Your friend should be your friend no matter what, but some people get tired of the drama, so if you Stay with him stop sharing that part of your life with your friend. Sometimes people get tired of giving advice and she probably does not like to see you hurt.

No one can make you feel inferior without your concent.

Eleanor Roosevelt

[Hidden]

Stay strong and don't ever let anyone take your power from you! XXX

[Sue84]

Thank you. I do know the truth my last effort was talking to a priest today. I will follow his advice and the way will be shown...hopefully! I will stay in touch. My friend appears not to have lost all faith in me. But I hear you and thought the same. Please dont leave me through this journey. Was told today that i will definately need someone...hope I make it before another outrage trigger for me. I just can't take it anymore. If you are inclined, please pray for me!! And thank you. My only responder.