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Ordinary People

This afternoon I wanted to do something positive and supportive for myself. So for the umpteenth time I watched the movie, “Ordinary People.” It’s a very powerful film about battling depression, guilt, and isolation. I cried though many of the scenes because I could relate to the tremendous self doubts that Conrad suffered.

I find when I’m alone I like to watch films with characters that I can relate to while working through their struggles.

Whether you have or haven’t seen this film, I highly recommend it.

Best,

MZ

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Thanks for sharing that thought MrZee. You know I have never seen that film and didn't realize what it was about. I will have to take a look at it. Enjoy your evening.

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Thanks Agora1. I have a hunch you’ll find the film quite incredible. I’m curious to know what you think after you’ve seen it.

Best,

MZ

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I will let you know :)

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I will have to find this movie I checked and it's not on Netflix but related movies came up there seems to be a few good ones I'm looking tonight to find ordinary people

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Hi Brittney07

I looked on line and it says Ordinary People is available on Netflix America. It’s also on Amazon Prime. It’s certainly a classic. I hope you find some good films too. Let me know what you come up with. I love to watch movies and like recommendations too!

Best,

MZ

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I will let you know I found it on Vudu here for 4.99 and i wached the trailer I can tell I'm goin to love it. I searched on Netflix but didn't find it on there I'll look again some of the ralted movies that popped up we're dead poet society, other people, to kill a mocking bird, people like us and our souls at night . I have not watched any of those but I may now that I've seen them

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They’re all good movies. But Ordinary People for $4.99 on Vudu is *well worth it* especially for us that have depression and anxiety. It’s a real good tear jerker and positive outcome.

Best,

MZ

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Thanks I'm going to watch it tonight when the kiddos fall asleep I'm excited to watch it.

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Great! Let me know. BTW, it got the 1980 best picture Oscar. Truly a remarkable film.

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I seen that, when I watched the trailer of it I was amazed how just by watching the trailer all the emotion of the entire movie set in.

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Get ready for A LOT. Yet I found the film quite emotionally cleansing and uplifting.

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You must see Adaptation with Nic Cage and Meryl. And you must see Barfly with Mickey. The Master with Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour is a mind-blower. Il Postino is an Italian movie about Pablo Neruda and is dreamy. Milk is a hell of a movie with Sean Penn. The Revenant with Leo is a very good one.

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Fantastic picks S.H.F. Barfly is out of print, as is another great flick with Rourke, Cage, Penn, Cruise, Waits and Hopper, based on the book with the same title by S.E. Hinton is "Rumblefish."

It's strange how so many films Rourke played parts in just go out of print. Just look at the list of young up and comers as well as already established big stars in the cast of Rumblefish, released, I think in 1980, and Coppala directing. Why would it be out of print? It's an excellent film that tells the truth abo . . . oh, wait, truth. That probably has something to do with why it's no longer available.

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Ha, love that. Yessss Rumblefish and That Was Then,This is Now with Emilio Estevez, another great S.E. Hinton book I loved as a kid. I have Barfly on vhs, used to study it. Love Bukowski and Faye Dunaway. Since I mention her Bonnie and Clyde the original is a must-see of course. Since I mention that Sid and Nancy is soooo incredible too... and True Romance is so great...

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Must get off butt. Must do work. (Must run some film titles through library from S.H.F. lists. Must also pick up 5 books waiting for me at library. Later, after the work is done.)

You've got some great movie picks there!

Here are a few favs of mine, guaranteed to bring on some culture shock, brain smoke, and examination of personal values, (and it's edutainment too!)

Whiplash

American History X

Rabbit Proof Fence

The Rabbit Hole

Muscle Sholls

Just a short list. I hope there may be something there you have either not seen before, or have not revisited in a long while and say, "Oh yeah. I'd enjoy seeing that again." :)

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Haven’t seen any of those, thanks! I remember I wanted to see Rabbit Proof Fence back when it was out. What library books are you getting? I love getting library books, it’s a dying art! Ok get back to work. I gotta do the same. Love this convo!

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A bunch of Unix and Linux reference material, and a very old re-print of Walt Whitman's first publication with no commentary or any of that sort of stuff, printed by Double Day Books.

Films I wanted to add to the list:

-Smoke Signals (a Sundance FUNDED film)

-Disturbing the Peace (Documentary)

-Lion (Based on a true story of a boy separated from his family (Brother, sister and mom) in India, and later reunited with his mom and sister more than a decade later as a young man. AMAZING. Bring your own tissues.)

Back to chores.

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I remember Smoke Signals- saw it years ago at a little funky theater- awesome flick.

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It was a beautiful film that I could relate to on a lot of different levels.

Last words . . . . "If we forgive our fathers, what is left?"

It IS available on DVD, but bring your own tissue. That is not include in the special features. lol

Oh, and <edit to add> as a little independent film supported by the Sundance Film Foundation, it ONLY showed in funky little independent theaters. lol You couldn't have a little independent edging out Sony, Time Warner and a bunch of other huge movie-houses . . .

that would be EMBARRASSING! lol

Further, a huge film and production crew would turn the film into a set, and then it would have never been possible to shoot it.

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Hi old-soul,

Which film are you referring to? ... Smoke Signals? Let me know... whatever you’re referring sounds good.

Best,

MZ

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Yup yup, Smoke Signals. If you loved "Ordinary People" and it's authenticity, I know in my heart that Smoke Signals will leave you sitting there 5 minutes after all the credits have rolled before saying, "Yeah, I think I'd really like to watch that again . . . SOON!"

If it turns out you feel like, "Well, there's an hour and a half of my life wasted," I'd be shocked. But I'm young. I'd adjust! lol :D

Please, if you do have occasion to see it, let me know what you think.

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I have Amazon Kindle on my Smartphone. I read so many different books I lose track of what I’ve read. I do like fiction stories.

If it’s a good book it really engages my imagination and helps to sooth my depression and anxiety. Believe it or not I read a lot of romance novels, Gay and Straight. Mostly because they are entertainingly unrealistic (kind of like “The Love Boat”) was.

Regardless, I find reading quite soothing. So whatever kind of literature one relates to and/or simply enjoys, more power to them.

Best,

MZ

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Thanks for the movie recommendations. I’ll certainly look into them!

Best,

MZ

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I even find The Breakfast Club a fine film. Five teenagers in a day’s detention who are so radically different from each other eventually find a common identity and become close friends in the end. Truly touching.

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Oh that’s a classic. I know it by heart. I love the way Molly dances. Used to copy her moves at school dances.

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I love this movie. It's a good one :) It is definitely a relatable film for me as well. I like Timothy hutton :) he's pretty adorable in this movie. Just sayin.

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I completely agree. I had a crush on him after seeing the film. Still his performance in this film is remarkable and well deserved the Best Supporting Actor Oscar.

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Most definitely! It was a very good performance.

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Plus I’ve seen the film so many times. Every time it’s still an uplifting tear jerker for me.

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That's awesome :) I love movies like that. Hate to say it, but Titanic gets me every time!

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Yes, Titanic is quite riveting. Have you ever seen the film, The Hours? Brilliant performances by Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep, and Ed Harris.

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I have only seen parts! But I need to watch the whole movie. I love those actresses :) especially Meryl streep! She's the best. It seems like an intense movie.

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The Hours is a very emotionally intense film. Yet I found it was very brilliantly done as well as the acting performances all around. It generated quite a session with my therapist afterwards. But it was so emotionally realistic and touching at the same time.

I find sometimes an introspective film need not have a happy ending ... that helps us to positively look inside ourselves.

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I LOVE the Hours, brilliant, brilliant. Heart frikkin wrenching. My fave is Nicole as Virginia.

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I also thought Julianne Moore was brilliant in the film especially when she returns years later as the aged woman.

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Even Toni Gilette has a cameo in The Hours. Her performance was just as brilliant.

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Wow. Just hearing the actors and actresses on that one makes me want to see it!

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You are adorable Ellie!! Haha movie crush. Mine is Matt Dillon in Tex or The Outsiders as Dallas. If you haven’t seen The Outsiders by Coppola you haven’t lived.

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Never heard of The Outsiders...what's it about if you don't mind me asking? Have a beautiful day! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

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Oh it’s a beautiful beautiful story of a family of brothers, their parents died tragically and they are a pack of wild wolves. It’s a 50’s greasers vs preppy time capsule. A hero or two come through for some kids in a burning schoolhouse. It’s about friendship, America in the 50’s, poetry, youth, so fun to watch. Francis Ford Coppola directs so it’s golden indeed Ponyboy. Check it out if you can. I feel bad cuz Mr Zee was dragged waaaaaay down by a dark movie I threw out there so now I’m hesitant. There’s darkness here too. But it’s a beauty.

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Thank you so much!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

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Same to you my darlin!!

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Actually this one sounds good to me. The other movie dragged me down because “I” was the main character. As for this movie with the wolves, it sounds good. Mind if I ask the name of the film?

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Oh it’s not about wolves but a group of brothers and friends. The Outsiders. Based on a book by S.E. Hinton. Wonderful film directed by Coppola. “Nothing gold can stay.” ... Robert Frost poem that Ponyboy quotes. Most beautiful scene with a sunset....

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I just looked up Welcome to The Dollhouse. It got great reviews. I’m going to check that one out!

Thank you for the recommendation,

MZ

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Hi Stronfheaertforever,

I just watched Welcome to the Dollhouse for the first time. It appears to be a dark comedy. It ended up being quite depressing with no resolution. It’s about a young teenage girl who was mercilessly bullied in Jr. High and received no affection from her family at home. It struck me because I was bullied through public school and didn’t feel my family was there for me. Thanks for the recommendation but as mentioned it ended up being quite depressing.

Best,

MZ

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I’m so sorry you’re right that one is a real downer. Forget that one.

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Thanks but no need to apologize. It was a dark comedy. Those kind of films are hit and miss for many. I’m touched that you cared to recommend it.

In turn, I watched for the first time, Smoke Signals. That ended up being an intense yet positively uplifting film. I enjoyed and greatly appreciated the recommendation for that one.

Best,

MZi

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Maybe it's one of those films that is really meant to bring about this very discussion, rather than being simple, "mind crack."

Given the discussion, I have to wonder if it might be a fair representation of my real life. In nearly 50 years I have spent the vast majority of it under the bus, and very little of it being allowed out into the sunlight, so why not a film that expresses that?

Doesn't media and free speech come with a price tag of at least OCCASIONALLY telling the truth? If nothing else, I hope you can find value in that MrZee. Maybe even get to shed another layer of the B.S. that life is still heaping on people who have no voice, young and old alike.

Last Christmas I almost froze to death living in a tin shack because the snow was too deep in the roads to manage to travel just 7 miles on my motorcycle so that I could purchase more kerosene.

I was so universally hated by the community because if a slanderous smear campaign that even those that have known me over a decade and knew I was being scape-goated would not lift a finger to help me because they too would be targeted.

It was all a sham perpetrated by the whims of a couple "men" that could only be describe as "Self-serving narcissistic brats who F-ed me out of everything I had going right in my life, and thought it was just the funniest thing they'd ever pulled off."

I was homeless for 2 years, and still to this day there are people in 3 counties that "hear all about me" long before they've ever meet me. Talk about having reasons to know how to end one's self. There are some people that only register feelings relate to their own happiness, their own fear of loosing, and their own anger. They are the one's that are mentally ill, and here I sit in a place to try to learn to, "Deal with anxiety and depression," as the one that allegedly has "the problem."

So, where the hell do we go from here? That's all I care about! :)

I hope you find some sort of relief in the above writing, MrZee. Sometimes things that tell the truth, even though it feels like . . . well, you know the word . . . maybe sometimes that is what is needed to reach yet another level of contentment and recovery from what was long hidden abuse. {Shrug} That's my hope, anyhow.

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Dear old-soul,

I can see your point and I can hear what you have explained especially the description of the majority of your life “under the bus.” It hurts. And it’s very painful. I know.

‘Welcome to the Dollhouse’ was a dark comedy about a teenage girl, Dawn, that was ‘different’ and unmercilessly picked on by all of her junior high school peers. She was the middle child, a bit chubby and not pretty by society’s standards. Furthermore her life was painful and her family at home lent her no solace. She was the middle child that had a younger sister sibling that was a tattle-tale favored by her mother. The older brother was the praised school academian. Every day of her life especially at school was a living hell because she was always battered. That left her with no sense of self esteem whatsoever. I thought the movie would have resolution where Dawn experienced a positive triumph. But in the whole film along with the ending it only got worse for her. It was extremely depressing for me. And the reason why is because the movie was about me.

I grew up a chubby kid and I was the middle child. I had no friends. And I wasn’t interested in any school activities. I had a tattle-tale younger brother that was favored by my mother and my older brother was popular in school. Every day at school was a living hell for me. I was always picked on for either my weight or being called a “dirty Jew” since I was the only Jewish kid. I always came home in terrible emotional pain. Whenever I tried to tell my mother about it all I’d get was, “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!!” On top of that my father was a rageaholic. I just couldn’t believe how or why I was brought into a world that was surrounded with such cruelty.

By the time I was 15 my life felt so horrible that I came very close to committing suicide. My only saving grace was my grandmother who paid for me to see a child therapist. He was the first person in my whole life that compassionately told me, “There is nothing wrong with you. You’re absolutely normal.” From there I spent years in therapy. Finally I made it through Jr High. Then came high school. That was even worse when it came to being scapegoated. But somehow I kept going and made it to graduation. I could go on and on with more of the bullying I endured because what I described is only the tip of the iceberg. But I’ll spare everyone the additional inhumane horror I experienced.

To this day I still have occasional nightmares from my teenage past. I still don’t understand how some people especially many teenagers can be so cruel. I am very disturbed that there is a high teenage suicide rate. And I’m especially pissed at the parents that say, “We had no idea our child was in such pain.” What bullsh!t. Like my parents, they weren’t there to comfort their child’s pain.

So yes, I’ve been through “under the bus” hell as well. Watching Welcome to The Dollhouse thrusted me back to my horrible teen years.

And you’re right, perhaps the film was made to bring about the reality of bullying that continues to exist. As mentioned it was hard for me to watch because it brings back those terrible memories.

The only bright side of the hell I experienced is that it’s taught me how to be a much more compassionate person to those who also suffer with esteem challenges as I did.

With compassion,

MZ

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Well, maybe having seen it and re-processing your feelings about that abusive time amongst healthier people will help to gradually lessen what is otherwise running through the underground currents of your subconscience. That's the premise of several well researched "reprocessing" type therapies, EMDR being one of the more popular these days.

Are you okay?

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Thanks for asking. I’m a bit down today. The movie took me back to my teen years and all the pain I endured during that time. This will make for a productive session next time I see my therapist soon.

I appreciate your caring.

MZ

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well, in truth, is sort of looks to me (as a layman that hasn't been all screwed up by the "higher education system") like you've done a truckload of "exposure therapy" in the sense that, via this particular film you have revisited the vestiges of your past quite deeply just there above.

^5

What do you say we change the subject to: "You have made it to 'The Breakfast Club?'

Oh, I think we've both paid our dues to sit at this table, eh? Good knowing you MZ. I very much look forward to reading you in the future, and thanks for being here.

-Soul

PS- This is an amazing movie list that got built so far in this thread, don't you think?!

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Yes, it is a great movie, i should watch it again(i saw it many years ago), and my therapist at that time said that she thinks it is the best depiction of therapist in that movie. i remember her saying that.

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Yes, this movie probably shows one of the best models of successful therapy I’ve ever seen.

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Good Will Hunting is another excellent example. I'm sure you've seen and loved it too. I'm loving the conversation Mr Z. Thanks for bringing up Ordinary People. My mom and I took several lines from that film and used them as sort of code around the rest of the family, (we had a lot of codes), because the rest of the family is all jacked up with . . . well, let's just say you can be grateful you've never been subjected to them and leave it at that.

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Good Will Hunting is an excellent film old-soul :)

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The line about "Do you like apples?" is a line I learned at a very young age. that made me smile.

What I don't like about the film is that the central charactor, (the role played by Matt Damon), ended up accepting work in the "Spy VS Spy" industry. That is the exact thing that has actually interfered with my education, becasue every field I started to research as a path I'd like to follow in technical trades was all government at the top of the game, and I don't want to work for "Global Dominance," I wish ONLY to work for humanity and all the other living creatures on our (once upon a time far more) beautiful planet. But I don't wish to be stuck somewhere where bureaucracy takes over and scuttles all efforts in favor of endless resources spent "paper-shuffling."

NASA would have been a direction I would have liked as an objective, but I was bludgeoned into believing that the only real way into NASA was by joining the armed forces, and that I thought far too well of myself anyway and would never be able to attain any lofty goal.

Oh well. Those said same people get angry when I do well and wreck my stuff when they can, because they don't know any better. At least I've still managed to stay true to my values. That's the way it goes sometimes when you believe in something and it's not popular or interesting enough to those around you.

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Agree old-soul.....I have certain values and have always stayed with them ...even my own family try to change me and want to mould me into them....tell me I should be a certain way and see things as they do....they blame my Aspergers on me being different to them instead of seeing me as as my own person with my own values/passions etc...I love the fact you stay true to yourself old-soul...:)

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Hmmm... near as I figure everyone does this to other to one degree or another, and regarding the, "Oh you're just having a hard time because of (Insert diagnosis here)," I have first had knowledge tat gives me the authority to say, "And it dosn't have to be Aperger's Syndrome either. Any disability will do!" lol

So, sure enough, we are not alone in this, are we?

As far as staying true to one's self, I think you probably do a pretty good job of that yourself. We have to be ourselves. Everyone else is already taken! hehe

Every time I am true to myself I can tell, because it would be SO much easier to just "go along to get along" and wind up hating myself for doing so. Wait. Ummm . . . that's not easier either! YUCK! :)

Perhaps you can relate to just how limited my options are. :)

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Yes, there’s power being our true selves. That’s the kind of crowd I’d hang with. Other than that, the superficial is a waste of my time and energy. Honesty is beautiful.

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old-soul...I spent half of my life trying to fit in ( Now I really question why) I was bullied for having my own opinions to the point I had to be removed from school...isolated by my own family and it changed me completely....the more I tried to fit in the more I lost myself completely .....ending up in hospital...I was finally diagnosed with Aspergers in 2014 at the age of 45...Both clinicians who diagnosed me then told me I was suicidal because I tried to fit in....instead I was told to take the mask off and go back to the individual I was before all the bullying....Sigh....I love that quote...We have to be ourselves...Everyone is already taken :) I was asked to read a book on Autism after my diagnosis...A book by Tony Attwood...The first page I looked at said...Why fit in when you were born to stand out.....Ha....I wish I had read that a long time ago :) :)

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One simple way to explanation the whole reason as to why ANYONE goes along with "group think" or "Go along to get along" type mentality is to consider an old Japanese expression that fits EVERY cultural oppression. "A nail that sticks up must be pounded down."

The meaning of that simple statement is plain to me. We could muse about that one sentence for a lifetime, and maybe should. In SOME cases, this is not a bad thing. But in most cases it causes slavery to the "Group Think," which rarely benefits but a very select few.

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Going to check it out!

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Thank you, I have never seen it either xxx

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I have never seen it either, thank you xx

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One of the best movies I’ve ever scene. I’ve seen it quite a few times. One of the most powerful scenes is when Timothy Hutton is describing what he felt to Elizabeth McGovern in McDonald’s.

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Yes. Very much so. Also the scene where he and Karen reunite at the restaurant. He’s expressing his emotional pain. Yet she’s in total denial from hers. Brilliantly done.

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I have not seen it in a lot of years. It's definately time.

Now, please, will you put a sweater on. I'M COLD! lol

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I have heard of the movie ( I think) . Wonder how I could get hold of it? I do not do net flix or anything like that.

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I use the library inter-loan to pull 90% of the DVD's I'd like to se from any library in our local system of libraries to my local branch, they call me when my stuff is in, and I go down the street and pick it up for free, and have 7-14 days to return it, (depending on the policy for DVDs at the branch it came from), and it doesn't cost me a dime unless it's late coming back. (Then it's usually $1.00 per day for over-due fines on DVDs. It's still usually $0.10 per day for books that are overdue)

Ordinary People was shot by a big Hollywood movie house and won all kinds of awards. It is very easy to find, though it is an older film. (Late 80's or early 90's I think) Netflix sometimes doesn't have some of the older titles, but it's common enough that buying a used copy off Amazon of e-Bay may be a very low-cost approach, and then you can watch it a few times and give it to a friend if you don't want to keep it around.

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Thanks again.

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Glad you found a movie that is an encouragement to you. I always like movies I can relate to. I can't remember the movie, so I will try to watch it again. Have a great day.

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I've seen the movie once, do you think maybe it's not a good idea to keep watching it at many times seems obsessive? Maybe keeping you from moving on with your healing since you say you relate to the characters? You need to refocus direction to heal.

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I have seen the film umpteen times. Each time I’ve seen Ordinary People I am uplifted. The film is about forgiveness and one’s own self healing. Those are very positive outcomes. With my isolation and social anxiety issues, my watching this film, be it obsessive or not, helps me understand myself a bit more each time I watch it.

Best,

MZ

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Some films are more like a text book rather than a novel. They are worthy of study. I liken it to, for example, studying literature, in which a student visits and re-visits a particular story to learn the lessons contained within. War and Peace, or Hamlet are two fine examples of written rather than filmed works that are studied still to this day in higher learning institutions from community colleges to Yale, Princeton and Oxford Universities.

Then there are MOVIES . . . where there is stuff that explodes and awesome car chases. I like to re-watch some of those too. :) Heat, starting Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Danny Trejo, Ashley Judd, Tone Loc and Henry Rollins, just to name a few is one such action flick I've seen, "More than once," and no, NOT for educational purposes! lol

Hopefully you get the general idea. Discussing "The Catcher In The Rye," as a subject, adn perhaps re-reading the book every few years and having a copy in a library of books one owns is a bit different than always having to have the book on one's person to feel safe, or comfortable.

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If it makes you feel better

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Yes, thank you. It always does ❤️

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-Soul,

You have made my day! And thank you. Yes, we’ve made it to the breakfast club.

I’m grateful for my years of therapy especially when dealing with the pain of my teen years and abusive father. But they’re all in the past and let it all stay there.

There was a saving grace... even if my teen years were pure hell, I survived through them and kept moving forward.

Here I am today, soon to turn 60, in such a better place, especially with the support of this site.

As for movies, I’d say I’m due for Good Will Hunting again. I haven’t seen it since it came out in the mid 90s. Robin Williams gave a tremendous performance as a therapist.

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