I feel completely alone, even surrounded by people.

[Workinprogress08]

I have unconventional beliefs and goals, making it difficult to relate to anyone. I am great with people but my genuine friendliness has become more fake as I get more depressed. I feel that I'm living a different life than I'm meant to, yet it's difficult to share with people I love because they don't understand. I feel hesitant to speak to the few friends I have about my depression because I don't want to burden or annoy them. My partner is growing distant partially because he feels I am doing the same. It's a snowball that I can't stop. I don't know what to do but shave my head, change my name, and run away to a monastery in Nepal. I'm sure I'd get bored of that too *shrug*.

[AlLeYkAt86-]

There's nothing worse than feeling alone surrounded by people. I put up a comedian mask most the time when I can, it's exhausting but I'm good at it I think. What's important is the alone time to cry, tremble, blare music, scream, whatever you need to do that's not immediately self destructive. Depressives come to think (I"m no different I'm not looking down my nose at anyone) that our secret me time is wrong or weird, it's not.

[MRawPR]

I don’t suffer from depression but I do get panic attacks quite often and that kind of keeps me isolated afraid to scare ithers in the midst of an attack. Otherwise I’m an outgoing and friendly person who likes to help people and enjoy life with my partner and family. I used to bring yp my condition when we were gathered and it made them uncomfortable because they don’t understand what I go through. So my doctor recommended not to talk about my condition to anyone since it’s not anyone’s business but only mine.

As long as you take good care of yourself and your partner and follow your regimen... you’ll feel less lonely. Take care. 🏝

[Hidden]

Hey 👋🏽

I and I’m sure many others can completely understand what you’re feeling. I think it’s one of the worst feelings in the world to feel so alone even when we are surrounded with others. I’m so sorry you feel this way.

Keep taking time out when you need to . Focus on yourself and your needs at the moment. It’s okay to put yourself first right now and not think about others. Take care of yourself 💕

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Let me say first that I suffer from depression and anxiety, and can identify with your feelings.

I was a community newspaper reporter for many years. One of the realities I learned early on was that many/most people just want to talk about themselves. Since it was my job to listen and interview, I gained a lot of experience participating in social events. I have a tight support system of a few people who are interested in me, but for the most part I get to hear people’s stories and struggles. It’s like watching a reality TV show. Here’s my favorite motto, however, for every hour I spend peopling, I need 4-5 hours me time to take care of myself.

[JEG325 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Wow! I need to consider that, Lynne!

[JEG325]

I have felt alone in a crowd for many years. Mostly by choice. I can isolate myself and cut off what's going around me at all times. This protects me some from social anxiety and awkwardness. I sort of lock on to myself and become my own island. Don't get me wrong, when people do talk to me I am friendly and polite and I get along with them well. I just don't seek out any contact. How odd then that my chosen field was high level flea marketing, a business I succeeded well at for almost 21 years. I had to deal with hundreds of people every weekend and I did it with flying colors. How? I treated it as a game of charades. I used to stand in front of a mirror and say, 'This is what I would tell a customer who was buying something from me.' That's exactly what I would do too. My playacting stuck and I became a top 5 salesman in our large, large flea market. Yet today, I still don't like crowds or groups of people. Go figure. My guess is that you are strong enough to do what you have to when you have to. As long as you succeed, stop letting your fear of social interaction rule you. Go on with your life and take each day as it comes. The past is over and the future has yet to be written. So, live for today and be the best person you can on that day. I don't think anyone can ask anything more!

[sunandbutterfly]

Sorry for the loneliness that you are feeling. It can be really tough when you feel alone in your beliefs and values. I have felt the same way or isolated myself unintentionally at times. As JEG said, do your best to live a day at a time. Try to find somethings in common with the people that you are with. Some days will be better than others, but you can get through this.

Have you ever considered speaking to a counselor? They may be able to help you sort through things as well. Hope that helps!