Demons are back

[Starrlight]

And it’s my fault. I am hating myself right now when I know I need to give myself compassion. I wish I was better, don’t feel good enough. Stressful couple of days when a family friend visited got me anxious and now I’m resorting back to bad habits that leave me feeling depressed. And I’ve been so sick the meds haven’t left my system yet when will I be free of feeling sick I wonder. It’s been over a month of hell. So tired.

I will have to find a way to lift myself up and I will defeat this because I have to.

I’m putting so much upon myself and I’m ready to break. My oldest son (25) had a bit of a breakdown last night and my heart breaks for him and I gave my all into helping him. I worry about him. I am so worried about the future. Things seem to be separating, slowly unraveling until I may not see the straight path anymore I fear. My mom is not doing well ( she has Alzheimer’s) ; she’s deteriorating before me. I feel like everything i am going for isn’t happening the way I want and even if it was it still wouldn’t be enough because of the unknown I keep living fretting about what if’s. I know I need to be in the now. Take some time to meditate. I can’t seem to just be. I’m feeling tortured.

What is meant for us will not pass us by. I just need some positive reminders. Some sign that I and all I love are not lost. Things happen for a reason.

Blessings to you ❤️

[Hb2003]

Hello starlight so sorry for your situation . Much kindness and support 🫂❤️

[Hidden]

I really feel for you. It's okay to let it all out. You're only human. If you'd like to send me a personal message you're always welcome to do so. 🙂

[Kkimm]

I am so sorry to hear how bad you are feeling at present. It must be torture to see your son suffering. That is one of the hardest things to deal with.My very best wishes to you all.

Kim

[Starrlight]

Thank you yeah that’s the hardest part. He’s smart and tough though and has people in his corner.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

What demons Starr? Can you journal them and maybe look at them one at a time? Make a plan about one demon at a time? It's a lot to deal with all at once.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Thank you.

[FifLove]

Not much I can say, besides that I know where you’re coming from and am here to listen and support as much as possible. I too am in the sandwich generation, between adult children with issues and an aging mom with issues. Not to mention anxiety and depression and a narcissist husband. Sorry, I digress a bit. Here to listen, feel free to reach out.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Could your symptoms be covid without the respiratory symptoms?

[Broken1971]

Not to make light of what you are going through but your post sounds like the thoughts in my own head...panic and over thinking! I hear your pain. Hang in there. I've found that any motivation to change my situation comes out of the blue...you can't force it. Try to relax. I'm pulling for you!

[Starrlight in reply to Broken1971]

Good call I think you are right! I’m going to try to go with the flow and relax, thank you so much Broken!!!! You’ve really been a help to me.

[Broken1971]

You've helped me too!

[Starrlight in reply to Broken1971]

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[Imaaan]

I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult period with feelings of being overwhelmed with worry about your mom and son. . I cant offer any advice to help you but I'd like you to pls hold on to hope and the phrase "that this too shall pass".

Sending you a virtual hug

[Starrlight in reply to Imaaan]

Beautiful. Thank you ❤️

[Thissucks37]

Hi Starrlight. It takes awhile to get anti depressants out of your system. Depending on which drug, it can take quite sometime but it will. I know that nausea can stick around for a couple of months or more. I’m sorry you are feeling low after doing so well. I think about you and I’m rooting for you. ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Thissucks37]

True ugh oh well I’ll just do my best with what I’ve got.

[melbrown]

Sending a ton of hugs your way. It sounds like your load right now is heavy ... & you are doing the right thing ... reaching out. Try to show yourself abit of compassion... meditation sounds like a good start. I too struggle with staying present, it takes time & practice. So much love dear friend ❤

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

Thanks trying to take care make good choices ... bring in present ... going for a walk soon, love so ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[c-mac]

Aw, I’m sorry hints are so tough right now. Keep up what you’re doing, focusing on the now. Is there some way you could get a jolt of joy to help break the obsession with your problems, something that would then allow you to meditate? Maybe a good mental health movie, like Groundhog Day? Or a stand up comedian? (Humor is one of my spiritual tank filler-uppers.) or maybe some vigorous exercise to give you some healthy endorphins?

As you have said, life is never perfect, there are always problems, what’s up to us is what kind of state we can coach ourselves into to meet them.

[c-mac in reply to c-mac]

“hints?”

[Starrlight in reply to c-mac]

Good idea I think I need a walk then maybe a movie to get out of my head

[Dolphin14]

Star

We all have times where we get overwhelmed. You have quite a bit going on right now.

It doesn't negate the progress you have made. When you get through this bump on your path you will move forward.

Take some time and be gentle with yourself

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you I’m upset with myself ... I made a mistake ... I do hope I can get back on track...you are helping me believe maybe it just is a bump and I’m still able to go forward... I need a walk but will I get myself going

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

We are human we make mistakes. We need to give ourselves a break.

If you can't walk today it's ok.

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Awww thanks my friend. ❤️ ⭐️

[mauv]

Star, Whenever I look into my past or present to much I get depressed. As much as possible dry to take one day at a time. Tight now you need to take care of you. When you feel better do what you can for your son first. Does your mom live with you? Is she on any medicine for Alheimers? Can you get help for her? First you love yourself. Remember depression is anger turned inwards on us. Hating ourselves is the disease talking. Hugging ourselves and loving outlived is our treatment talking. Start with small steps. Our journey is progress not perfection. When we blow it we rest and keep going. I have faith in you!

[Starrlight in reply to mauv]

Thanks my son talked it out and is doing well. My mom is taken care of of. I am so run down. I just need to rest right now. I’ll walk when I have strength. I’m listening to my body now. I’m going to try to stop picking on myself as that’s what’s breaking my own heart. Yes the disease is trying to talk. I’m trying not to listen. Thanks so much yes exactly - I need to take one day at a time. I will rest and keep going and thanks for believing in me, you are beautiful.

[utep99]

God wins against Demons every time! Talk to him tell him what is wrong confess any unruly behavior and God will pull you up. He is the best friend you will ever have and be with you always. He has gotten me through anxiety and cirrhosis and now Cancer of the Liver.

[Moncarr]

Trust me I understand about demons, when you are at your worst or lowest that's when they hit the hardest . I understand it's easier then said then done,but you have to have faith and believe no matter what before it does consume you I wish I could be there by your side and pray for the power. Ask for help ever moment you feel this way, in time part of you will have peace I wish I could tell you will be 100% free but because there is some negativity around it does hit us at time. Good luck