Isolation

[Callie1518]

I have started to isolate myself in my home. Only go out to a menial job and the gym. Has anyone started loosing friendships because of their social phobia? Is there hope for this?

[MsGelfling1]

Callie

I have terrible social problems. I was raised to believe I wasn't worth the powder it would take to blow me to hell. I'm 64, about to bury my sister and best friend, and I feel like there isn't a soul in the world that cares. I wanted to go talk to my neighbor but I'm afraid she really doesn't want to hear me whine. Life has to get better. It can't get any worse for me.

[Callie1518 in reply to MsGelfling1]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know we have value and worth and we have to fight the lying thoughts that tell us otherwise but its hard. I think you should talk to your neighbor. The more we isolate ourselves the worse those lying thoughts will be. I have to try and get out today too. Let me know how you do.

[Windy101 in reply to Callie1518]

You've both hit on a big problem of mine, and that is isolating. I've spent a lot of my life alone. I'm an introvert, so some of this is by choice, but sometimes I'm very lonely. I call my family and a couple friends, but that's about it. This summer is especially hard because I'm on vacation from school, so the interactions I had there are gone until the fall. I'm an adult student, so it's not like when I went home for the summer and my family was there. I've been telling myself all summer to join a gym or go to a church service on Sunday, but my shyness holds me back. Maybe we can make a pact that each one of us will do something small that's a step in right direction?

[Callie1518 in reply to Windy101]

Do you think you could make it to church tomorrow? I could try as well. What do you think?

[Windy101 in reply to Callie1518]

That was such a good suggestion and I wish I'd seen it sooner. Both of the churches I've been wanting to try have services that have already started as I write or start in 15 minutes. I will go next week, though., and we can think of it as going together! And if you do go today, wow - you're amazing!

[Callie1518 in reply to Windy101]

Well I wasn't successful Sunday for attending church. My husband travels and when he is away I just can't bring myself to go! I usually don't know what to say to anyone when I am alone. I can go this Sunday because he will be here to go with me. I hope that you will go on Sunday. Let me know how you do. I did call my sister and go to the gym this morning. What about you? Any chance you will take the plunge and join a gym?

[Windy101 in reply to Callie1518]

Okay, Callie 1518, we have plenty of time to gear up for Sunday. What do you think?

[Callie1518 in reply to Windy101]

Ok think I can hear up for Sunday. Not sure about staying for the social time though!

[Callie1518 in reply to Callie1518]

Have you made it to church lately?

[MrZee]

Yes, I can relate. My next door neighbor is having a birthday party in August. She and her friends are nice people. She sent me an invite. I don’t want to go because it will be way too crowded and that overwhelms my social anxiety. So I’ll politely decline.

As for friends I’m much more comfortable with one-on-one get togethers or a small group.

Maybe give that a try? Any friends on your end for getting together for coffee or a meal?

Let me know what you think as I can empathize.

Best,

MZ

[Callie1518 in reply to MrZee]

I have a good friend for one on one. But sometimes I look around at groups of people laughing and talking and I wish that could be easy for me. My sister comes by on occasion. The rest of the time I spend alone and it gets worse the more I isolate myself. Its harder to go to the gym or even church to see everyone socializing and I just don't have the words. Do you ever tend to isolate and spend time alone?

[MrZee in reply to Callie1518]

Of course I isolate. I know what you mean about seeing others socialize. It’s easy to feel hurt while not enjoying the similar social exchange that they are.

But try to keep in mind, even if others socialize they have their fare share of problems.

For example, when my mother was alive she couldn’t bear being alone. She even thought being alone was shameful. So instead she was a social butterfly. Literally she had hundreds of friends and people coming and going from her house. She was so social that she’d totally wear herself out taking a toll on her health. Socializing for her became such a dependency drug more than it was nurturing. Eventually she wore herself out that it took her health and she wound down and died from it. That to me is too extreme. I don’t want it to go that far for me like it did her.

I’m optimistic there’s people out there you can have a group social exchange with. For me, I’ve been looking for Social Anxiety group(s). Eventually I’ll find one and go from there.

Maybe in your area there’s some. Try Googling that and see what you come up with.

It will only get better.

Best,

MZ

[Callie1518 in reply to MrZee]

Thank you for your encouragement. I did google social anxiety groups but some of them are costly. It is getting harder and harder to be in my home alone. What do you do when you find yourself home alone AGAIN? Thanks for keeping in touch. I appreciate your time and help.