Can’t win: I quit smoking over 4 months... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Can’t win


I quit smoking over 4 months ago. I’ve gained 20 lbs, and feel and look like a whale. My husband thinks I should go back to smoking ( I have emphysema so uh not a good idea). Then he says my fat is cute (it’s not).Then he sees me eating an English muffin for breakfast and slams me for eating “empty carbs”.

I don’t need his crap. If I could divorce I would but I’d end up giving him half my paycheck. I’m thinking when my 15 year is i18 , then there will not be the expense and crap of “parenting time” and child support.

I know I’m fat. (I wasn’t overweight before), and it’s not cute. I would be sooo stupid to go back to smoking- I’m totally off any nicotine and I’ve never made it this long before.

I’m down enough about my weight- I’m 53,3 kids and have always had a nice figure and normal weight so it’s hard on me. Add in my predisposition to depression - well I don’t need to listen to his crap. Thanks for allowing me to run off at the mouth

9 Replies

Congratulations for stopping smoking- thats a huge accomplishment you should be proud of! I have gained alot of weight recently and know how bad it feels to not like your body. It sucks that something so difficult and positive like stopping smoking frequently creates a second difficult challenge- managing your weight.

That's exactly what you should say to him...if you want his opinion you will ask for it, otherwise you don't need to listen to his crap. Further more....when you’re ready, and when and if you decide you want to have a plan to maybe loose a little,....that's your choice, and none of his business...for too many generations there have been women hounded by the husband about losing weight for their benefit....for what!?....who are they to say anything about anything you do....if you were drinking to excess and falling down drunk every day, maybe out of love you would be asked if your there anything that they can do for you....other than that....blow him off.

Hidden in reply to fauxartist

Yeah being a drunk and a dope fiend mess things up for sure lol.

I’m Seeing a nutritionist in a week or so - I’m not getting any bigger, not letting that happen. I’ll loose some of it. If I can get ten offbit will make a big difference.

He should be congratulating you on the awesome way you have conquered smoking!!! That is a big deal!!! I know I quit years ago and it’s truly not easy!! Just don’t worry about the weight right now!! At least your lungs aren’t black anymore!!

Congratulations on stopping smoking! That’s a great accomplishment. I’ve been married for almost 29 years and my husband has never called me fat, and never asked me to change my hairstyle. He has other issues but he has smoked for 40 years and he is the same size as the day we got married and I’ve gained 50 lbs. He doesn’t want to gain weight and he smokes. He’s tried to quit but he is so grumpy and he doesn’t drink.

He does have severe psoriasis especially in the winter and it gets so bad his skin flakes like dandruff. It is a condition that is passed down to the male side of his family. I say nothing because this is how he is. But the flaking, I do ask him to vacuum it or I just do it.

But I would tell your husband, can you focus on the positive and not focus on the negative? All the comments don’t make me want to run out to exercise or diet.

Good job, take care and tell him to stop. It’s not funny nor cute.

Congrats on quitting smoking & knowing your worth. I know it's hard when you gain weight, especially when trying to improve yourself. Your husband should be loving & supportive... have you talked to him?

Hidden in reply to melbrown

Thank you for the empathy!

Yes we've talked a lot! To be fair, I'm harder on myself than he is.

Hi well done for packing in the ciggies as I know how hard that is. I also have copd and packed in the ciggies last year. I beat your weight gain as I have put on over 2 stone and have just joined Weight Watchers in an attempt to lose it. Do not go back to smoking please; better to be overweight than be on oxygen...

It's worth checking to see if you have an underactive thyroid coz this can cause weight gain. Smoking can mask or even cause this so have a look at the symptoms online as it might be time to ask for a check on it. I have been diagnosed with borderline under active thyroid but I think it is contributing to my weight. The only difference is I don't have an unsupportive partner who criticises me thank goodness! x


Than you for the kind words and advice

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