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Overly Medicated and Desperate for Answers

rain_55
rain_55

SInce I was 16 years old I have been told that there's something wrong with my brain. That there is some chemical imbalance that makes me the way that I am. At first it was just clinical depression and anxiety. Then it was PMDD. Now its severe panic disorder. It seems like every doctor, every therapist, has a different diagnosis. So what is actually wrong with me? Well if I had to list my symptoms here is what it would be: I usually have days where I feel high on life and then there are days where i feel like im being swallowed whole by quick sand; there are times where the horrible thoughts of wanting to end my life or the ones telling me im worthless and dont deserve to be happy become so overwhelming that my head feels like its going to explode; then there are the days where I lash out at the ones i love for no reason, i say the worse things i can think of to hurt them, i scream and i curse and i feel like pulling my hair out and theres this awful feeling of just wanting to hurt myself but the true scary thing is I dont remember any of it afterwards, its like i blacked out and my family has to remind me what i did. The list goes on and on. It seems though that no matter how many times i tell a health care professional any of this, they just seem to put me on any medication see if it works and if it doesnt then they higher the dosage, and they keep upping the dosage until they finally realize that its not working so they start all over again. A never ending cycle for never ending pain and suffering. Im so tired, im so exhausted and Im so done.

2 Replies
Hidden
Hidden

Hi rain_55!

I’m so sorry that you’re having a rough go of it. I would not presume to diagnose you...I’m not qualified to do so. It sounds like bipolar disorder, but I don’t know. They have gone back and forth with my diagnoses between depression/anxiety and bipolar disorder. It really doesn’t matter to me what I’m actually diagnosed with...It still requires the same type of work and action on my part to recover. I treat my symptoms and don’t worry about what I am. Try to lose the negative self-talk, stay out of the past and future by living in today only. Don’t worry about things you have no control over. I’m hoping you find some peace!’

dee_bells
dee_bells in reply to Hidden

I agree, you sound bipolar. I have several things going on with me mentally any physically.

I've been this way for years and have been on a wide array of medications. I've had to start all over again at different times.

It's discouraging, I know. And if you need to go to different doctors to get the right diagnosis, then do it. You deserve relief. You deserve happiness. You deserve all goodness. I wish you the best and were always here for for you. We get it!🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

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