Handcuffed and Transported via Police

[matahari]

In December 2016 I had gone to a mental health appointment with a new therapist associated with the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School and Parkland Hospital in Dallas, TX. My appointment was fine until I started telling him about my mother's recent death and her bout with Alzheimer's. I was her caregiver. Even with two sisters, I was extremely lonely as I have no friends. My father had died seven years previously. I was feeling EXTREMELY depressed and was considering suicide. It was Christmas time and I missed my parents tremendously. I have no husband or children and I am on disability and had no worked for several years. When my mother died, I was lost and still am. She was a major portion of my world. I am the oldest of three daughters and her care was my major concern as both of my sisters worked and have children. It was basically just me and her. I even lived with my mother. Anyway, when the subject of suicide came up and IT DID...I became extremely sad and was crying. I hadn't been on any psychotropic meds in years and I suffer with bipolar 2, PTSD and severe depression. I did feel suicidal and I have never hurt anyone but I had previous suicide attempts and a stay at a mental health facility for almost getting what I wanted...some peace of mind and DEATH. This psychiatric stay cost me about $50-75,000. I had gone to this new appointment in search of some meds and talk therapy. The situation led to the therapist contacting the police even though I told them I was not suicidal at that time. I could not convince them that I was not going to harm myself. When the police officers arrived, they refused to listen to me and THEY DECIDED to transport me to a hospital. Remember, this was a new patient appointment and all I wanted was some medicine and talk therapy for my depression and anxiety! Prior to being transported by the police, I was taken to a lobby and in front of a crowd of people including small children, I was HANDCUFFED and placed in the backseat of a police cruiser! I was so humilated and filled with anxiety. I could not even look anyone in the face because they had robbed me of what dignity I had left. I never gave these people any indication that I was violent, angry, hostile or would give them any problems. I went willingly. I ended up with a very large hospital bill, $15,000 and I was not even there for 24 hours! I am sitting here 1-1/2 years later and this all comes flooding back to me. The added anger, grief and anxiety of having new burdens did not help my situation. I have a myriad of health issues, but, I do not ask for help any more even though I am still very depressed. I am now on risperidone for my bipolar depression and mood stabilization and I just got on this last week! The realization of being put in handcuffs in front of all people and especially all those children has left me wrecked! I will never be placed in another psychiatric facility against my will. I will definitely never tell anyone else who can affect me in such a way that I am suicidal. I don't trust medical personnel to have my best interest at heart and I will die before I ask for help and let someone call the police on me. It is hard to ask for help when all your conversations are guarded and filtered. I am still suffering but I refuse to let my family, doctors and therapist know how much because I am afraid of this situation repeating itself.

[Stilltrying_]

This is truly awful. It is terrible isn't it when you are feeling like this to know what on earth to do? I keep thinking about suicide but am still too afraid to do it, but there is no way I want to be put into a hospital. I really do sympathise with you and they should not have done this. It makes it ten times harder being treated in this way. It makes you lose more self esteem when you don't have any anyway.

I don't know if there's any way you can make a complaint about it? You're probably the same as me, just too low down to be bothered with that. I'm just completely stuck. I'm afraid of death even though I have a good plan there is still the fear it could go wrong so i'm just in this living hell all the time, been like that for two years and more.

I sympathise over the relationship thing. I am on my own. My mother died 3 years ago. It was complicated by her being a narcissist and ruining my life i now believe but while she was alive I must have got some degree of security in my "fake identity" that I had at the time. I feel completely laid bare now and totally desperate.

I really really feel for you and hope you can find something or someone to hold on to and give a little light.

Gemma x

[matahari in reply to Stilltrying_]

Hi, Gemma, thanks for responding. My major problem is that this has heightened my anxiety levels and makes it hard for me to go places out of fear. It wasn't until this morning that the realization about the children came to me and I was sick because this happened as a little girl was standing next to me with her mother. I can only imagine what they were thinking because I am not a bad person. I am considering lodging a complaint but I don't think it would matter. The police in this country feel they can get away with murder so my situation probably doesn't rate. Also, the therapist probably felt he was getting answers to his questions that indicated I was feeling suicidal, but I only meant to get some outpatient help. The police are really what angered me. I ended up getting a Latuda prescription and accused of being on PCP (my drug test came back "false" positive because I was on lamotrigine). That "help" cost me $15,000.00. Considering I am on a fixed income, that really increased my depression and anxiety levels. I couldn't stay on the Latuda because it was $1,000 a month to fill the prescription and it caused akathisia. I really did want to commit suicide after all of that. I am still bipolar with major bouts of depression, but I can only hope in the next life it has to be better. My mother was a very good woman and I really miss her. Even with Alzheimer's she was a joy to be with. I am sorry to hear that your situation is what it is. We all maintain facades and live behind them hoping they won't crack and show our true persona. I know I do. Please be well (smile).

[Celtic27]

I'm sorry to hear the way the therapist treated you they couldn't be bothered to listen to you properly you are just a cash cow to them im glad I'm in scotland we're you don't get saddled with large medical bills you just pay a insurance that is deducted from your paycheck! Can you make a complaint against the therapist she obviously didn't have your medical needs in mind when she phoned the police! I truelly hope things get better for you please let us know how you get on David 👍

[matahari in reply to Celtic27]

Hi, David, thanks for replying. I thought I was coping with all of this until this morning and something happened with my sister's 8 year-old granddaughter and brought this memory back full throttle. I have PTSD and now fear going to the doctor and therapist (a new one) because I do not want to say or do anything that will cause a negative reaction by them. I will get up and leave if this happens again. I am not waiting for their police and I now know the facility cannot detain me. I eventually plan to tell my new psychiatric practioner about this (I really like her) because I really need talk therapy to cope with my parent's death, life's ills and my sisters are both sick. I am carrying a lot of baggage and know I have to be stronger. Here in the states we have insurance also, but, they only paid a portion of the bill (80%) and I had to pay the rest. I am on a fixed income and this really hurt me financially and emotionally. The US is going through turbulent times and sometimes I feel this is no longer a good or safe place to live. The older I get the more afraid I become. I have lived in Europe and Japan and now wish I never returned to this country.

[Celtic27 in reply to matahari]

Hi there you are definately carrying a heavy load I hope your new doctor can get you to a better place take care!

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Matahari

You have been rung through the mill and it is difficult to consider the way you had been treated that time before. In the UK where we are, sometimes an actual Section can be either Voluntary or forced upon a member of the public, sometimes if the person is aggressive You can be cuffed, however they try and avoid that if possible.

We are not in the USA, we are in the UK so your system may be quite different than here.

What happened in the past I feel you need to now move on and learn how to control your moods, it is very important you attend any appointment that are made and you continue on with your medications.

I am very sorry for you it would seem you had been treated quite shabby in the initial stages of a forced treatment regime. The costs of your treatment must also be a horrific place to be at this time especially if you do not have any insurance.

We are of course here to talk if needed

BOB

[matahari]

Thanks, Bob--

Yes, I have been through the ringer, medically, financially and other ways. Right now, the US is not a good place to live and you get the news about our political situation. It is bad when it affects your way of life and nothing is stable any more. I am trying to keep my appointments and take my meds like I am supposed to but sometimes the spirit just isn't willing to cooperate (smile). Unfortunately, the body will bring you back to reality with a vengeance! Life doesn't treat us all fairly and I have had more than my share of bad health, grief and disappointment. I never dreamed I would get sick and on forced disability. My health isn't the best. We have disability insurance in this country but, I still have to pay 20% of all my costs out of the meager monthly stipend I get from the government and that can be expensive. Our president and his party are trying to take that and I paid for this when I was employed! My sisters help me because government assistance of any kind here is hard to get. I live with my sisters and they really help me a lot. I am still adjusting to my new meds and when I go back to my psychiatric practioner, she will be adjusting my dosage for what I hope will be better results. I have lived in Europe and Japan and wish I had stayed, changed to dual citizenship and lived in Europe. I, now, consider myself to be one of America's "NEW POOR" in this country. We used to be called, "Middle class."