I feel so disconnected with reality

[LostSoul8]

I hate being around people but all my colleagues and acquaintances feel that I am the happiest person. Frankly, I am not at all happy. I don't understand the purpose of living this shitty life. I feel everybody's the same. Same old 9 to 5 job, same old food, same old movies, same old nature etc. I don't enjoy anything. I just can't connect to anything or anyone. Deep down I know that nobody knows me. I mask my sadness very well. No one can figure out that I am a lost soul. I don't belong to this world. I feel like I just time traveled to a different world and have been trying to fit in but failed miserably. I have become so lazy. Sometimes I sleep a lot and other times I don't sleep at all. I hate everything. I don't understand what's the point of life. I have an amazing boyfriend but he thinks depression is a fashionable term for people who don't have any problems in life. I stopped telling my boyfriend anything. Even my parents think that I am just over thinking. I hate doctor's in general. I don't want to see one. I badly wanted to get this off my chest. I don't understand my emotions. I laugh a lot sometimes and suddenly start crying for no reason. I hate this life. I hate myself. Nothing motivates me.

[Hidden]

Maybe putting up a false front is preventing you from making a connection with people? How can you understand your emotions if you are continually denying they exist by putting up a false wall?

[Hawktchr]

Your boyfriend is "amazing", but you see no purpose in this life? Do you love him? Could a simple purpose be to be his partner?