Am I being selfish?

My boyfriend bought plane tickets to the coast for my birthday. Nice I know. The problem is, we are going to be staying with his folks and were he grew up, so he is always trying to meet with all his friends while we there. Then we've been going through a rough patch, and his mom knows all about it. Even told him that some things will never change. So I'm not keen on seeing her, knowing what he has been telling her and how she feels about it. I know this is suppose to be a holiday surprise for me, but honestly we are going to end up spending all of the time with his family and friends and don't end up doing what I want. It's a great gesture, tickets are non refundable, I'm dreading it... What should I do?

[Janieliza]

It's difficult when your going thro a rough time in a relationship and one of the main keys to success(alongside trust) is give and take. You say the words " not what I want" ....May I ask if he's a selfish person? Is he always putting his needs before your own?. He is going to need his mum...yes even in adulthood. My son's 19 and always tells me when he's having problems with his girlfriend...now please trust me when I say this will NOT change his mother's views of you...despite her words. It won't. Why? She knows her son better than anyone and if he is a little selfish she will also know that too so maybe even understanding towards you..but she perhaps said a few things that weren't so colourful...to appease him. Unless she really knows you I find it hard to think she would slate you without your side of the story. And why would he then tell you what she said? That's not right. Don't go there with the knowledge that he tells her this and that and she won't like you because of it. All smiles and a cheery "hi/hello" with a positive and happy air about you may even have her scratching her head!! Be happy. I don't go on what Ollie my son always tells me...trust me if I did...i wouldn't like a few of his mates lol. I think it's wonderful he's done this surprise for you....have you not looked at it like he simply wants you with him. I know many men who wouldn't take their girlfriends to their home town. Rough patches can be smoothed over but it's give and take as I said earlier and if you still feel not right...don't go!. There was something in him that presumed you would be pleased...unless he wanted to go and felt guilty by not taking you, I don't know the ins and outs so I'm only trying(trying) to help from a mother of a son with a girlfriend and also an ex wife(My ex husband when we were dating did things like this) I was abit of a moaner I can't fib to you and he also used to tell his mother and I did what I advised you to do....be cheerful and shoe her you aren't that girl(to whatever he said)...trust me when I say I became firm friends with my future mother in law. If it's the holiday from the abyss then you know don't you?. Then alot of thinking may be has to be done when you return. Have a chat to him...tell him how you feel. You may be surprised. Take care. J

[Hidden in reply to Janieliza]

That is really good and helpful advise! Yes he can be a bit selfish sometimes, but he has a good heart. I think I need to change my outlook on this. Rather enjoy the vacation instead of worrying and overanalyzing I ( I tend to do that a lot ) Thank you, that really changed my perspective!

[Janieliza in reply to Hidden]

A good heart....then he will listen to you. I certainly don't want you to go and feel uncomfortable and if I don't....he definitely won't!. If the friends are an minor issue...tell him without sounding like it's the worst thing since sliced bread lol. I truly think if you look at it differently then you could really enjoy the holiday. He wanted to please you....they don't always get it right(I once got a toaster and Hoover for Christmas....cough!!) But my ex meant well so I ok was abit ott with my "thankyou thank you it's what I've always wanted" but I knew his heart was in the right place. Let us know how you get on and one last piece of advice....ENJOY it! Janie 😊

[hypercat54]

Hi this is a difficult one. Do you have to stay with his folks? Is it possible to stay in paid accommodation instead? Or with one of his friends maybe? x