Haunted

[gilded_masquerade]

I was at a babysitter's when I was 8, my autistic brother (2 years younger) went as well.

My babysitter was always on her computer and believed her kids over the kids she was supposedly "looking after".

One day, her son (2 years younger as well I think) and a 5th grader conered me in the basement, the son locked the door from the inside of the basement but kept look out. The 5th grader cornered me and tried touching me in inappropriate places, he tried bribing me, and so on.

Eventually it happened. This happened whenever I was left alone with the two of them in the basement, one time I escaped upstairs and as a "warning" the son went after my brother who I would do anything for. So, I allowed these two to touch me and did as they pleased (no intercourse, to my memory) because I didn't want them near my brother.

At the time it was extremely hard finding a babysitter for someone with special needs and my parents worked for the government so they would be working most of the day.

13 years later, I still get flashbacks, dreams or memories of the incidents. I've only dated 3 people (including the one I'm with presently) the last two being well, assholes. Whenever they'd touch me I'd think back to those moments in the basement and I'm even now despite being with a very nice caring guy I'm still plagued by the memories.

People would make fun of me because I wasn't sleeping with whatever boyfriend I was with at the time and even went as far as to make fun of my trauma, it killed me.

I have moved past that complication but the thoughts still pop up in my mind from time to time, and I guess I just don't want it to become a more frequent memory...

[Lmarie87]

I'm sorry you went through that. I was sexually assaulted by my stepbrother when I was 16. Through the last 14 years since, I've experienced a few things that helped when dealing with that situation. 1- Counseling. I didn't think that it helped at the time but thinking back about it now.. it did. 2-Talking about it. The more I talked about it, the less heavy it became. It turned more into a story than an experience. 3- I talked to my ex stepbrother. He ended up going to prison for a year for the assault. Then one day about 5 years ago. He walked into my work. My heart raced and I couldn't breathe. He approached the counter and all I could do was treat him like any other customer and he treated me like any other service worker. Complete with, "Is there anything else I can get you?" And "Have a great day!"

He went from being the boogeyman to just another person after that day.

[gilded_masquerade in reply to Lmarie87]

Thank you for sharing your story with me, I've done a few of those steps but I'm still here fighting it some days, I guess some days it just can't be forgotten :/

I saw the son a few years ago with his girlfriend and I froze, before he saw me I booked it, I didn't care to stick around...

But thank you again for telling me your story and for taking time to reply, it means a lot to me ❤️

[Lmarie87 in reply to gilded_masquerade]

You're welcome.

[Hidden]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I was sexually abused by my father and it was and still is very difficult to accept that it had happened! I get the flash backs all the time I haven’t been able to date or see other man. I struggle with anxiety and depression because of this. It had messed me up mentally! But Despite the abuse and the times I’ve tried to kill myself because I didn’t want to deal with the painful memories I am alive and breathing. I strongly believe that one day I will be happy and get married and start a family I believe I will be happy! I have to hang on to that hope

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry that happened to you....I do understand this, it happened to me too. I was told I had CPTSD from this truama which happened to me over a period of several events and it made my young adult life hell. I finally started therapy and was helped with sorting this thing out...it's a process that is best done with a professional that understands this.

[gerg]

I carried my trauma for nearly 40 years. In the end my issue was more about the secrecy and lies than it was about the assaults. The assaults are just a distant memory that doesn’t even feel real, but how I hid them is where my real shame lives. I did expose the assaults and the cover up about six years ago. Since then I have felt a lot better and I now have no real effects associated with the trauma. I control it now, versus the way that it always was.

[gilded_masquerade]

Thank you all for sharing your stories with me, it means a lot to me.

After it happened, I waited years to tell someone, even then it was a friend, he was shocked and wanted me to tell someone but by then my assailant switched to a different school (which I didn't realize was the one I was at, I ran into him later but only once). I waited until I was in 12th grade to finally tell my parents...I was so ashamed and embarrassed...I guess I always felt I had to be strong and had to deal with it alone.

I've been through some counselling through my high schools years ago but my family doesn't have the money for a therapist, so that's what led me here (as bad as that may sound).

I'm okay with talking about it, have been for years, the memories just pop up from time to time and I get nervous thinking they'll ruin my progress...

But thank you all so much, for sharing with me and for talking to me, it means the world ❤️

[fauxartist in reply to gilded_masquerade]

I found a counselling center that had a pay as you can basis...I paid 10.00 a session. These are therapists with their degree and are finishing up their required 1000 hours of therapy to finish their license. It was the best help I had gotten in years. I do believe one on one and group therapy are very helpful with this...talking and sharing are really very healing..but professional guidance is important...you may want to look around and see what's available...not all therapists are in it for the money....some will work with you.