Anxiety and Depression Support
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A Text

So...I'm tired as all heck from my choir concert that ran until 10 pm last night and I'm slightly agitated and my dad asks me "do you not like me anymore" and I reply by just shrugging my shoulder and he says "oh" and walks away. Then he texts me "The worst feeling in the world comes when you love someone but they no longer love you and won't tell you why". What right does my dad (who hasn't been showing me a great deal of love) have to tell me this? He's always choosing my brother's over me, always doing what they want before me, always attending their concerts and not mine, always caring about their health and not mine...I don't understand it. Am I selfish for wanting hit attention? Help please.

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Dear Saph_Heart,

I think everyone is a little cranky when we tired! I have a similar relationship with my father as well. I’m the oldest of 5 and it’s very difficult for me to capture my dads attention. My younger brother,15, is a straight A student whose also been quarterback for football since he was 8. I have always felt compared to him and have gotten angry over the lack of attention. But my dear, I regret all that anger. I have learned that even though he doesn’t show it often my father loves me endlessly. He feels like I don’t love him when I get upset too. Here’s my advice : write him a letter about how you’ve been feeling lately. Start by writing “Dad, I love you.” And continue from there. Its a healthy way of expressing your feeling without it turning into an all out screaming match. Trust me.

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I'm not angry at him. I'm just confused. Why is it that parents think they're allowed to be upset and have periods where they "don't love us" but then when it comes to the children, we aren't allowed the same? Why can parents be upset with us but we're not allowed to be upset with them?

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I hear you Sapphire...that does hurt when a parent plays favorites...they shouldn't, it's causes a kid to feel they are not as good as their siblings...and if I were you....tell your dad at the right time exactly how you feel, try to be calm and focused and explain to him that's why you shrugged your shoulders. It wasn't fair I feel of him to call you after you had such a busy night and were tired already, with mixed feelings, and to have him call you and guilt trip you isn't right. It was childish and selfish on his part, sure you probably love him, and he may not even realize what impact all his actions have made on you...it could be a very healing moment for you both...but be sure your feeling okay with it first...you know your father...so take care of you so you don't get hurt more.

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I've been through this process before though. He gets mad at me for being slightly upset, he guilt trips me, I try to explain the situation or whatever, and in the end I will be the one apologizing.

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well, that's not helpful to you honey....I'm sure he's not a bad man, and I'm sorry. but I think your dad may be a bit of a narcissist, he is only focusing on how everything impacts him, and not what he should be doing, which is trying to mend fences with his daughter. You didn't do anything wrong, your not at fault for his actions, and he deserves no apology from you. Unfortunately a lot of us do have parents like this, and it makes us sad, but it's not us, it's them. The best you can do is except that this is all he can be, he does not have it in him to be any different, and you have to divorce your hurt feelings...because hoping he will change probably won't happen. It's just the way he is wired. You can though fill in the gaps, if you will, by having other people in your life that are loving and can give as well as take.

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I understand this all too well. My mother only favors me when she needs something

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I hate it when people do that

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