Today’s Ramblings

[KnightLife]

I’m finding that my attacks are worse at night when I’m getting ready to try to get some sleep, and in the morning when I wake up. The fear running through my head, the quick, heavy beating of my heart that makes it nearly impossibly to relax are just so overwhelming. Saturday was an ok day, but today has been bad and I can’t imagine what tonight/tomorrow will be like as the weekend is over and the work week starts.

The last time I had an attack like this, well it didn’t end on a Sunday but i started to feel more like myself and was able to manage it until that overriding fear became just another one of the days nuisance. But here I am five days in and I don’t feel better. I’m sleeping a bit, more then when all this started, but still only five or six hours. Which I’m sure doesnt help.

It’s like I know I shouldn’t be having this kind of reaction. But I can’t help myself. I have a difficult time forcing myself out of bed in the morning, or even showering. I can’t be away from my window for a period of time. I have to force myself to leave the house just to go to the supermarket. And like I said, I know this isn’t normal. I know it’s mostly in my head, as they say. I’m really hoping that getting through today and tomorrow will help me get off this path and back to feeling more like myself. And I need that because I have a whole new set of anxieties starting on Wednesday lol. Can’t have both of those going on, I don’t know how I’d make it through the day lol.

Anyway, this is me just ranting, really. Outing my thoughts out there. Sometimes it helps putting thoughts to words and vocalizing them. Or maybe someone else is feeling the same and we can find strength in numbers lol.

But I hope everyone else out there is having a good day and thanks for reading my rambling.

[Mustang99]

I relate to having to force yourself out of bed. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s overwhelming and scary. I’m not sure if your on meds or not. I am on my fourth day of a new med and I am also taking magnesium theronite to help with sleep and feelings of depression. I hope that you feel better quickly. Sending positive energy your way!

[KnightLife in reply to Mustang99]

Thanks for the kind words. No, I’m not on any meds. I don’t have any health insurance, so that pretty much takes them off the table. Trying to deal, but it’s not getting easier.

[Mustang99 in reply to KnightLife]

I don’t have health Insurance either. I live in San Diego California. There are psych emergency services here where one can go to and they can diagnose you and give you a month of medication for free. Then they’ll give you a list of very low cost centers where you can see a psychiatrist and still get medication. Some of the medication you can get at Walmart and is as low as three or four dollars per month. Maybe where you live there are similar services? Maybe it’s worth checking out?

[KnightLife in reply to Mustang99]

That’s pretty cool. I don’t think there’s anything like that here but I will look into it.

[Mustang99 in reply to KnightLife]

You should be able to call 211 in your area . 211 is an info line that can maybe let you know if these services exist.

[Hidden]

Also with a doctor or a psychiatrist you can go on disability, give yourself some time to recover. Psychiatrists these days often just want cash and don’t take insurance. That’s been my experience. My anxiety was so bad I went on disability for a few months.

[MissChristine]

Hi, I just did my own little rant on here and i very much understand the fear...the issue at night...i wake up hard and if i am not appropriately medicated i find my depression and isolation paralyzing which affects my ability to perform the simple daily tasks that seem insurmountable to me...right now i am functioning alot better, but i am hard on myself and i wish there was something i could say to help but all i can say is i hope you have a good, or the best weekend you can and i am trying to do the same....maybe you will see my post as it explains more...take care...