Sad and lonely

Feeling suicidal, I’m sooo lonely , no siblings, widow, my son lives away , I can’t make friends I come accross very cold and boring , I don’t know what to do , I’m scared .

[Stilltrying_]

Hello Maria68, many of us on here are in a similar position. I am guessing 68 is your birth date? I was born in 58, ten years older. I too struggle with these very difficult thoughts and feelings although I do have friends it doesn't make the feelings go away. Please feel free to browse and chat on here. We won't judge you.

Is there anything happened today to make you feel that bit worse or has this been going on for a very long time?

Sending hugs, Gemmalouise xxx

[Hidden]

Thank you x

[Hidden]

Yes, it’s bank holiday weekend in the uk, the weather is going to be lovely , they all go out with family and friends and i’ll Be hiding for 3 .

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Maria nice to meet you. I am on my own but don't have any children. I do have friends though but I dread holiday times coz all I see is families out and about. Every time I hear of anyone going abroad on their holidays I feel sick and my friends go with their families too. Not all of them but apart from 1 friend they all have grown up kids.

Having said that I did have a friend to go for 4 days in London last year which is much better than nothing.

How do you know you come across to others as boring and cold? Have they told you or are you just assuming it? Are you in the UK? If so there are national Meet Up Groups, and the U3A which stands for University of the third age. There is no age limits on either. It could be worth looking into.

And/or how about trying to meet others with a shared interest? x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I heard comments and when I go to groups , I always end up in a corner on my own . My husband was the loud one of the two he used to rescue me in social situations x

[Stilltrying_]

Yes, that's a trigger for me too, feeling that everyone is going to be happy and with family. Are you working at the minute and got time off ?

[Hidden in reply to Stilltrying_]

Nothing to do until Tuesday, i do Pilates that day , I can’t mix with the ppl thought unfortunately , I think they find me strange or I come accross nervous , awkward silence etc.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Hidden]

They probably don't notice; more interested in themselves I expect. But if you feel like chatting to them just go ahead and even intrude on a conversation they are having with each other if you want to chat and it makes you feel better. I know you have physical problems you are dealing with so do feel for you. i do voluntary work over bank holidays which keeps me sane. Is there anything similar you are able to do if only for a couple of hours to break the monotony ? Just an idea.

Also we will be here to chat and I'm lonely in the evenings so happy to chat then either here or via PM on here if you want. x

[Hidden]

Sorry for how you feel right now Maria, I feel triggered by bank holiday weekends.

Wanted to say, I’m glad you came here. I know it makes me feel less alone.

It helps me to write it down.

Sending good wishes to you xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

The weather is so nice , I can hear people having a good time and I’m indoors with a migraine looking forward to this day to end so I can go to bed . How weird the sun makes me even more sad , I wonder if there are people TOTALLY alone like me out there . I’m sorry for be so negative but I hate everything atm .

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Maria don’t be sorry ,it’s ok to be honest and say just how you feel

I hate holidays like bank holidays, as I don’t feel able to go out, too many people...it just feels horrible...lots of us with you xxxx

[Lisa_Jane91]

Maria - we are here for you xxx

[Hidden]

I know how you feel, you are not alone. Especially in the way you feel. Everyone deserves good genuine friends and also to love and to be loved. I always tell myself this, I feel that's why God created us and to help others in any way possible. Even if it's lending an ear to just listen to a person that's struggling with whatever in their life. That's just my opinion, I also feel like I can't make any friends no matter how much I do for a person they always leave, I get depressed and think dear God what is wrong with me. But I just have to keep going on and focus on other things but I do feel that way too.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm here if you ever need to talk

[reinagrace]

Hi Hidden do you have a counselor to talk to about the suicidal feelings? Those are very difficult to get thru without someone to talk to. We all have different personality types but there are people out there for everyone, to click with. I'm not the typical person either in social situations, but there's always someone out there that will be able to relate to each of us. You mentioned Pilates, that is a great outlet that i hope helps your depression; I bring it up also to make another point. Something like that takes practice to get better with time right? Your body gets stronger the more you do Pilates. If you were always used to your husband "rescuing" you in social situations, then you don't have much practice. If you keep practicing the skills of conversation, you get better at it. This is nothing new that I'm going to say- books have been written about it: People are really most interested in themselves, and love to talk to a person who asks them questions and genuinely listens with attention to their stories. Out in social situations i just ask someone about their job or where they are from- if they ask me something i keep it to one sentence answer and bring it right back to asking about them, and most people are happy to go on and on about their lives and their stories. Only 1% of people even notice i do this- one guy i dated called me "the deflector" lol, bc he noticed that i answered with one sentence then would just ask him a question. Whereas most men i dated didn't notice at all, and just would talk and talk about their day, their childhood, their hobbies whatever. This applies to women as well, but it's not fake, i genuinely do like to hear their stories. The irony is that i then become an interesting person to them, but most people then don't realize , they like me bc i listened- not that i said anything much interesting about myself. Anyway nothing new like i said, these are things people have written about regarding helping with social skills. Like anything else like Pilates, it just takes practice to get better. Church is a big help to me, and i hope you have faith that comforts you. I pray you find good friends and feel relief from painful feelings.

[Hidden in reply to reinagrace]

My problem is that I lost the will to try to do anything about it , I wished I could follow your advice x

[reinagrace in reply to Hidden]

well i admire you for still doing your Pilates Hidden . When i get very depressed i get too tired and dizzy to exercise. when i can exercise it is definitely a help and it's my goal to get fit enough again to join a gym or studio like i used to be able to. Since you are already doing that and obviously there's other people there, it is still a small opportunity to "practice" interacting with them . its definitely hard to do anything when one loses the will to- i pray you find a good friend to relate to. Support groups or counselor would be the next best thing. Blessings

[gogogirl in reply to Hidden]

Have you tried talking to Samaritans?

[Marielle1]

Sorry you’re feeling so bad. I feel your pain. I’m looking for a friend too . We can be friends here for you anytime . Xx

[Trophygirl]

Hi Maria so sorry your feeling like you are .there's not a lot I can say at the moment as I too are going through hell.do stick with this forum there are some wonderful people on here who suffer too there none judgemental and give good advice.you won't feel so alone.hope you can start to feel better soon big hugs xx

[Hidden]

Thank you everyone , what a great forum xx

[Hidden]

No, I couldn’t find any around my area and online were all old forums , no active anymore . Ty

[Hidden]

I don’t think there’s a person out there totally on their own like Myself people say they’re feeling alone but they have family etc , I’m not IM TOTALLY ALONE , time to go .

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Maria.

I’m so sorry for how you feel and I’m sorry you are totally alone..sometimes it’s possible to feel alone in a crowded room, or even if you have people near, loneliness in my opinion can be a state of mind too...one thing is for sure what you say about feeling alone resonates with me....here if ever you’d like to chat....sending hugs xxxxx

[reinagrace in reply to Hidden]

Sweetie i AM TOTALLY ALONE and have been for decades and like you i feel like people just say that but even if they're single, well they have a cousin in the same state or a niece or something. they don't really know what it's like to be me. since age 18 i have been on my own financially and every other way, living ALONE, for almost THREE DECADES, THOUSANDS of miles away from any blood relative- and that's after a childhood of multiple abandonments from parents, stepparents, and growing up tossed around between relatives, all of whom are estranged today. My brother is in the Philippines ( i live in TX)- he has violent delusional schizophrenia and i am so worried for him and just pray my relatives there don't let him ever be homeless, it's almost at that point. i don't talk to any of them . i have a mother in Massachussets over 1000 miles away but we are estranged since as i said i didn't grow up with her. i talk to her once in a while mainly about worry for my brother. When she dies, i really will have NO ONE In the world as i get older, i am 45 now, that is why i was hospitalized a couple years ago from obsessive fears of who will take care of me when i get older. I was not blessed with a husband, so the loneliness of decades just compounds and multiplies. the only relative i talk to at all is my mom, but she will be dead when i am old, and my brother is not with it mentally. so i can say same to you, you are not really alone in world bc even though your son is "away" , he will still be alive when you are older. So even after reading your stuff Hidden i can still say there is NO ONE out there like me, who is facing growing old completely alone in the world. going on 3 decades now of no blood relatives ANYWHERE near, which means countless Christmases and Thanksgivings and Easters all alone in my apartment. i'm sure you at least had your son visit you sometimes right? So please don't think it's just you, bc for me, even you are not alone as me. i pray for us all Blessings

[Hidden in reply to reinagrace]

Thank you for sharing your life story with us all, I appreciate that and can relate to what said, esp about abandonment from both parents , step parents, grand parents and tossed around until the age of 15 when I started living alone with my 11 yr old sister...YOU are not alone, I feel so alone too and I live with my sister and her family but then I think God is with me when at my most lonely depressed times... I feel him there and he is the only one who has never abandoned me. That's how I feel and think. It comforts me, it's really the only thing that doesin this life. God bless your heart for being so strong. I'll also pray for all of us who struggle with our lives and these feelings. Take care and God bless reinagrace 😇📿💝

[reinagrace in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Hidden your prayers mean a lot and i pray daily , more than daily, for everyone here. God is my biggest comfort too , He was my father ,mother , everything growing up, and i guess my husband now-- and the times i feel Him i treasure, and always strive for more of that. when i get so depressed and alone sometimes i don't feel Him, bc we do need friends, we do need His Love through other people . And by His grace i do have a couple friends who understand and i cherish them, bc all the rest, 99.99999% of people out there , judge or mock me and most "friends" do not truly accept me without judgment, outside from the 2 or 3 that do understand me. yet these 3 special ones, have their own husbands and families, hence, i know that ultimately i'll still be growing old alone. but yes praise Jesus and may He always let us feel His Loving Presence. God bless you too <3

[Hidden in reply to reinagrace]

You are so welcome and I understand you reinagrace, I have no real life friends and have searched for a husband for the past 4 yrs and have only found judgment more abandonment and heartache. I see everyone with a loving husband and family and I ask God why can I have a partner that will truly , accept love and honor me. But sadly I think I'm not loveable and am not meant to have a husband bit he did bless me with 2 sons...even though they don't respect or act like they care for me. I still feel they are the only reason I keep going and am here. But sometimes it's unbearable for me to keep living because I have so many issues. But then I do trust that God has me still here for a reason, All of us are here for purpose and no it's not to always suffer because I ask him that too because I have struggled and suffered all my life since I can remember as a child. But life is still beautiful and I am thankful for the good and the bad sometimes. They are life's challenges I guess you can say...in our journeys. I pray for us all, that we have better days and our suffering eases. Take care reinagrace and everyone on here. 😇❤💪

[Samson1953]

Hi Maria. have you thought about adopting a kittcat or doggie from a shelter? they really warm your heart n you bring joy to theirs by providing a goid home n love. believe me it happened to me.

[Mindracer_01]

Citalopram is the key ask your doctor it works for my anxiety and depression no side affects only cleanse the body.

[Hidden in reply to Mindracer_01]

I’m on fluoxetine 20 mg , I’ve been taking it for over a month , I’m not sure how long you’ve to be on it to see any results.

[menagerie11]

Hi Maria. Have you considered volunteering somewhere? There are so many places that are looking for volunteers to help with all kinds of things. You could also consider taking some courses in something/s that you are interested in....meet some people and learn something new. I don't know your age, but if you are a senior, there are also seniors' groups and centres that offer a wide range of activities. Or, how about a part-time or casual job?