Hi I’m new to this, not sure how it works. I’m constantly anxious with so many thoughts in my mind, I feel like I’m not my former self and worry how people perceive me all the time and this affects how I am as a person. Criticism stays with me and never goes away, I’m constantly thinking about remarks made present and past even to a point that I avoid social functions, friends and now my partner who I seem to push away, cause issues and not enjoy the relationship. I’m so up and down I think I have anxiety bipolar if there is such a thing. I hate myself, I don’t want to be beautiful but I have too many flaws and it’s a daily constant struggle to look in Mirror and be happy with what I see. I haven’t smiled back for 4 years or more
Anyone else like this??
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Hi Aitch2018! Welcome to this forum! Everyone here is struggling with anxiety, depression, or both. You sound more like me, where you’re not having panic attacks right now but are having social anxiety. It’s hard. It sounds like you ruminate over intrusive thoughts and I do that too.
I’m curious if you’re currently trauma-bonded to a narcissist or two in your life. What you said about anxiety bipolar makes sense if you’re orbiting around a black hole. Their moods would affect your moods. Something to consider. 🦋
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Hi thanks for your reply, I wake up with panic attacks my mind races with thoughts, I worry from the moment I wake and can’t concentrate on the day, it ruins my day and the kids I feel sorry for as I’m always so glum. My son has recently said a few times I’m boring, which also plays on my mind. He’s recently started to see his dad more who is a narcissist whom I’ve had troubled dealings with in the past two years, but he’s the best thing since sliced bread. Why does what my son tell me bother me? Then I look to friends and see some not respond or not care where I am I spent whole of Easter break on my own and that troubled me as having no one to reach out to, so I make up my mind to get out and see people but I can’t because I start to think about what I’m going to talk about and if they will find me boring, it just goes round in circles. My partner is very calm and not bullying at all but I don’t feel picked up by him at all, it’s me that he relies on for social aspects so after 5 years we still don’t have a social network of friends. Facebook doesn’t help, you see all these people having a good time and happy and I sit here with my phone and negative thoughts and worry about the way I look. I do actually feel like I’m going mad my brain is on fire
I could have written your post, so know exactly how you feel. Sending you big hugs
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Hi! I’ve felt this way too! Several of my posts here have been about how to get friends and ask people to “come out and play.” Its so hard.
May I make an observation? (If not, read no further...)
I don’t think you’re boring; if anything, I think you’re hiding from yourself. Like, you haven’t learned yet who you are, what you like to do, what you like to eat, how you want to spend your time, and what your hopes and dreams really are. And, worst part, when who you are starts bubbling up, if it conflicts with anyone else’s thoughts or feelings, or your thoughts of how things should be, you feel bad about it and push it back down.
If that’s all true, it’s an easy fix.
I’m just kidding, it took me three years of steady trial and error to begin to begin to learn who I was. 🤣 However, I didn’t know about this place. This place is a great place to share what you tried and how it went, if you venture out of your comfort zone. If I want to do something now, I know I can try it, and if it doesn’t work, I have people who I can share with who will be encouraging and helpful.
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Thank you, I think you have touched on some really true facts here, I have never been ‘me’ a follower and I always change myself to fit in or fit with others or try and be something I am not because I feel boring and certain people have also made me feel that way, I don’t want to be boring and made fun of. I was anorexic for 10 years and Alcohol seems to play a major part in life now. I never have stories to tell because I never remember them because my head is always somewhere else thinking about what I will say before I say it, worrying what people will think when I talk, analysing the situation, paranoid thoughts, over thinking things. I’m sure I haven’t always been this way and I am not sure how to fix it as I always remember laughing when I was younger.
So where do I go from here? I’d love a little meeting group like in AA but not AA I don’t have a problem with alcohol
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This! I’m so happy because this place is like AA for people like you and me! LOL. I totally know what you mean about not being able to recall stories. It’s like my mind goes blank! I think it’s called a “freeze” response.
So, here, we’re all aware that something isn’t working in our lives and it’s not exactly clear what it is, but only that it feels bad. We’re all busy trying to share what works and celebrate mistakes.
One thing that has helped me out of the muck is the idea of setting boundaries. Or, as I’ve referred to it on another post, the magical and mystical 🔮 art of disappointing people.🔮 “No, I will not entertain you.” “No, I will not set up your train set.” “No, I will not stay at your boring party.” “No, I will not just ‘try raw sushi’ that you’re holding out for me.” “No, I will not be available to help you move.” Etc. Etc. This might be the ticket out of melancholy. This will buy you space and time to go and explore who you are.
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When I have time I’ll have a proper look at this site, but that’s half the problem I don’t want to sit behind a keyboard I don’t think that helps in my social anxiety
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No worries! Take all the time you need. I’ll admit, it sounds backwards. So does saying “no” to people when you’re trying to draw people closer to you. That’s why it’s magical and mystical. 🔮 😀🌿🦋
I'm EXACTLY like this. I feel judged constantly and I don't like myself at all. I have depression anxiety and ocd. I'm sure they are all tied together but I don't know what to work on first and my therapists have not been helpful. I'm still hopeful I can feel better but right now I'd settle for functional! Stay strong and keep up the fight..enjoy the littlest things...it helps me.
I am sorry to hear how you are feeling, hugs to you! - I remember that feeling of loneliness.- I had to set some goals for myself. 1). When I wake up every morning, I have to choose my day; what kind of day am I do you want to have? I want to have a good day- So, I wake up and say "Good Morning!" Eventually, I learned to say it with a smile. 2). Then, I had to learn that I needed people in my life. People who would be encouraging and supportive of me. ( If you don't have anyone, try going to a local support group.) 3). I had to learn to get out and go for a walk or a bike ride. Getting outside is amazing how much it can heal some of that loneliness. Get outside for one hour each and every day. 4). What can you do to help another person or people, what can you do to volunteer somewhere? I hope that something here might be able to help you.
Hi thanks for your reply. I go out often as I have a dog but I find I feel even more lonely walking the dog, it actually gives me more time to think about stuff and it doesn’t make me feel better. I go for a run and it lifts me but it doesn’t clear my mind, doesn’t make me a better person or change me. I have people around me but I don’t think it’s that it’s how I feel about myself inside the flaws and the anxiety of social awareness and how I’m perceived that gets me down. I do like the idea of volunteer tho, I definitely need a hobby or support group to widen my life.
Thank you! I don’t know, this is the problem I’m lost/ lost myself somehow sometime. Think I might join the gym once things ease a little see if I can make that a hobby How are you
Good morning,That sounds like a great idea! I am good, thank you for asking! I hope that you don't mind I would like to pray for you;
Good morning Father God,
I want to just say thank you for being our Creator of this beautiful day outside. It is blue skies and the sunshine is just rising up over the horizon, with a little crispy frost on the ground. The trees are standing tall and firm and still. It is so calm outside. What a beautiful morning! - I love the morning's Father, it is when the day is new and I am at my best and ..."Your mercies are new every morning." What a great way to start the day with new mercies from You. Father God, Lord Jesus, I am asking this morning that you will give your new mercies today Aitch2018 that the lostness/loneliness will turn into a calm and sense of peace, a new energy. How I praise you and thank you for Your great love and caring for us all. - In Jesus Name, Amen
Yes I am depressed but not to the point I don’t want to get out of bed, but the point I feel anxious about my day. I want to do this and that but anxious about doing it all. I am bipolar depressive I think one minute I’m happy next I’m crying at my computer or sitting alone at night
I don’t feel the need for self harm, I don’t feel worthless, I don’t feel like I need medical help. I think I need healing in my mind is all
No I haven’t, I’d like to sort of heal myself if I can by seeking help without medication first, a lot of my issues stem from previous partners and friends who have been very mean. Inner thought process
I hope you are ok and I’m glad this helps you, have you been on medication long
I was taking it for a while and it seemed to help. Then I thought I was well enough to go without it so I stopped. Bu recently I noticed my symptoms coming back so I started taking it again, though I still get anxious. That's pretty courageous of you to try to self heal.
First, welcome! I have the constant thought problem you mentioned. Meditation is helping but I’m still new to it. I’m trying to understand that we are not our thoughts. If we don’t latch on to them they will pass by like clouds in the sky. We *are* the sky....we don’t go anywhere....but the clouds (thoughts) do if we let them. Don’t fight them. Let them go.....
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Lonely
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