Suicidal Idealogies

[mhunnell19]

The last few days I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts. I even know exactly how I’d do it, which is that I’d go to the bridge by my college campus and jump off.

A lot of “friends” have been spreading rumors started by my ex boyfriend and it’s gotten overwhelming. Today a friend called my therapist and I saw her this morning. I’ve gotten a bit better but it’s still just ehh. Why is life hard?

[Gabiopal53]

Don't do it I know it may seem like the easy way out but as my dad told me when I tried many years ago that's a coward's way out he was also suffering from major depressive disorder so he understood the black hole the feelings of uselessness the feelings that people would be better off without him but he worked through those feelings with therapy medications and psychiatric care he spent a month in a psychiatric hospital because they were afraid he would hurt himself so when it came up that I had tried I don't know if he was angry or sad disappointed something but his tone was even and he never raised his voice but the lecture I got made me think twice what about your mom what do you think that'll do to her you almost died in childbirth what about your brothers and sister what about me and your friends I told him I had no friends and he said that couldn't be possible somebody I said the only friend I had I lost when we moved and now all the kids do is make fun of me and here is a much better because Renee is always picking on me threatening me calling me names punching me and I feel like I am ugly and worthless and just a waste of space dad pointed out that I'm not then I'm here for a reason for those of you who don't subscribe to the belief in God and Jesus we're Catholic and my dad pointed out one last thing do you know killing yourself is a sin and you will go straight to hell God doesn't like cowards and your peers don't give them the satisfaction fight work to get better even if it's not a permanent better that lecture went on for over an hour and when we were done he hugged me and told me he loved me and I think that was the first time I've ever heard him say that I always thought that he had blamed me somehow because he almost lost his wife but it wasn't that he was just doing his own thing dealing with his own demons so when you feel the urge to just end it all think about this there is somebody who cares about you and wants to see you thrive wants to see you happy again he may not be able to hold you when you're crying or give you words of encouragement when you want to just jump off that bridge but he's there and he's watching you and he cares so please don't end your life my therapist taught me there's things that we can use to distract our brains it may not work all the time but it might help his come out of that whole again just a little bit enough to see the light and realize that it's not your life you want to end it's the pain it's the Desolation the isolation the lack of support from family and friends who really don't know much about what we go through so teach them if they're willing to learn then you know you've got support scour the net I did and I found some books on audio and get them to read it or hear it it might help them understand a little bit more coming from a psychiatrist or therapist and there's a couple of them that use very easy to understand terms and one of the things that I read is don't blame yourself and when you feel like you just want to end it all call a crisis line talk to them they are professionals I know there's always the ones that say find a hobby pull yourself up from your bootstraps and just keep going those are the normals as I call them they don't understand but if you want help and it's A Hard Road to tow you got to reach out and do what you can to help people help you my prayers are with you and I hope that you get rid of that sensation because I'd hate to see a life lost