Struggling every day

[Jkelley1411]

My son is ten. School makes him cry, throw up, break things. I can hardly stand it anymore and have no idea what to do.

[softwaremom00]

Do you think he might have a learning disability.. or learning challenge ? One of my boys is really smart but has a hard time with certain subjects. He is also ADHD and he would be terrible in school. I home chool him. It is not easy but he is a happy kid. We tried an educational psychologist to test him when he was younger.. but beware of that route if you do not get a good one they won't help. He just basically told me my child had a very low IQ. Later when I took him to child psychiatrist he said that my child did not have a low IQ but had other issues... this is what I had suspected.

Smart kids with learning challenges can have a really hard time in school. People think they are dumb when they are NOT.

In some parts of the world they have schools that help kids with these problems.. we do not have good ones where I live.

Good Luck with your son. I understand!

[Jkelley1411 in reply to softwaremom00]

I’ve really thought often about Home schooling him. But I work full time- as a teacher no less! Go figure

[fauxartist in reply to Jkelley1411]

I have a family friend that home schooled all three of his kids, and the biggest problem was the social interaction kids have. They learn how to make friends, problem solve, etc. All three of his kids had none of those skills. Finally he started taking them to some social events with other kids like T ball, but it was kinda too late at that point, they just didn't know how to interact with the other kids very well. Now maybe that's just an isolated issue and lots of home schooled kids who do outside events regularly with other kids are okay..I don't know.

[softwaremom00 in reply to fauxartist]

You do need to make sure you add activities if you homeschool. But for children with learning challenges some school systems do not work well. Some school systems in the world are great and some are not.

[fauxartist]

could be lots of different factors...bullying, learning issues which are many as softwaremom00 pointed out, one of ours has dyslexia and dyspraxia and was severly bullied over it, maybe he has problems with his teacher, is there something going on with their friends. If you think you can get on his level and talk to him without being to much like an adult, more open to listening, who is too judgy or wanting to interject too much, not saying you are of course, it's just a lot of adults forget how kids think, ...if you can sort of maybe while he's drawing or your both doing something together where you can also talk, see if you can ask him how is he doing, what's going on in his life....listen for clues....do your best. If that's not possible and he just doesn't want to talk, you may want to think of a child psychologist who knows how to work through kids issues.

[Jkelley1411 in reply to fauxartist]

He doesn’t know what worried him in the morning. He claims once he is there he’s happy. He has a great teacher and good friends. So I don’t know

[fauxartist in reply to Jkelley1411]

maybe just listen when he does talk about stuff...it's hard when kids are worried and don't really know how to talk about it....hopefully he will,, or maybe he'll just figure it out himself and be okay with what ever it is.

[Jkelley1411 in reply to fauxartist]

I’m trying for sure!

[Jkelley1411 in reply to fauxartist]

We do have a therapist too! I forgot to mention that.

[old-soul in reply to Jkelley1411]

Oh boy, this is a very confusing and tough nut to crack! I wonder if it might not be a physiological thing, like maybe his sugar dropping too low overnight and it rebounding to levels that are normal after breakfast or something like that?

Perhaps you could chart which days are better or worse while trying to make some small adjustments to different things like diet, environment etc. I would deduce this is not just a recent phenomenon based on the fact that You're even going so far as considering home-schooling. It may even be separation anxiety, in which case home-schooling would be SUPER contraindicated.

My experiences involved being beaten daily and also having a crazy-high IQ and MA at a very young age, and a narcissistic father who gaslight, hoards money and, I have found out had been cheating on my mom a LOT more frequently than she had even suspected. That in and of itself created a ton of weirdness and unexplained feelings in my home that were supposedly, "all made up in my head," about things that, "never happened or were none of my business," even though my quality of life was substantially impacted by those things or events.

The bullying and stuff like that were already brought up, so that doesn't seem to be it, but there are a TON of physiological factors that can a really cause misunderstood symptoms that may appear to be psychological. It would be so much easier if we were born with individual owners manuals as well as factory service manuals, but alas . . .

I sure hope you and your little guy can find some answers. Being a parent can be a wild ride. Part of it is the fact that, we can't raise the child(ren) we wanted to have, we need to change the chuld(ren) that God GAVE US.

[softwaremom00]

Do you think it could be separation anxiety ? I know 10 seems kind of old but some kids are really close to their moms/dads. If he likes his school and his grades are good then it might not be a learning problem.

The throwing up is concerning.. that would worry me about one of mine. I hope you figure it out. Tons of hugs.

Someone gave me a book called "A Mind At A Time" - it is a lovely book about children and learning differences. If you end up thinking it might be one. I highly recommend it.

[gerg]

Wow, my mother would have said "you should have raised goldfish", but seriously I suffered from a panic and anxiety disorder when I was his age, and younger. I kept it hidden from everyone, including myself, for 40 years. It made my life hell on earth. My dad used to make a scowl face at me, because I always looked so serious. He said recently " I just thought you were a deep thinker". Things were much different back then, mental health wasn't even a concept unless one was psychotic or mentally handicapped. I don't know what the answer is, but communication would be where I would start. You will have to listen for clues, boys are good at masking emotional things. I would run any concerns past a doctor, even just a family doctor. It may be nothing or he could be like me. I don't blame my parents, or anyone else, for not getting help. I do pray that no child has to go through what I went through.

[Jkelley1411 in reply to gerg]

We go to the doctor or therapist every time there’s an episode. The ironic thing is after his panic attack this morning repeating he was too scared to go- there was over an hour long lock down at his school with an unknown intruder hiding in various places for that hour. It took police that long to find the kid from a neighboring high school who ran through the halls of a middle school playing music blasting swears and ransacking their lockers. So he either is clairvoyant or someone was looking out for him because if he had been there for that he might never go again.

BTW I have no idea what it means when you say I raised a goldfish. Hoping it’s not an insult on a site I reached out for help on? Because I’ve raised a sweet polite boy who is normally loving and kind and you wouldn’t know for a second has any problem.

[gerg in reply to Jkelley1411]

I meant no offense, I hope the rest of the post made that clear.