still so low

[mandyscott1974]

don't understand why I still feel.so down I'm. happy my son has rehomed his dog and off to tenerieff to start his new adventure I'll miss him.so much but just carnt stop crying off and on is this because he was my first born in. really don't wanna be here and don't know why as I've 2 other children at home who need me but also lost one to has anyone had this before to xxxx

[HearYou]

You need to offer us some more information. There are some things you aren't sharing, I think. You're hurting, but there's more to this story,isn't there?xx

[mandyscott1974 in reply to HearYou]

this is it all just my son getting on with life I suppose but I'm struggling with this gap year thing he is having ad he got offered the job of his dreams as a game designer and just suddenly dropped everything to go to tenerieff all if a sudden he said he just wants a break as he has studied none stop for 3 years and wants a break which I'd do also understand just don't know why I carnt control my crying and feel.so low atm not sure if because he my first born or because of loss of other son or anything just so lost atm xx

[HearYou in reply to mandyscott1974]

Well, the only thing additional you offer is that your son declined very good employment for the moment. Other members of this community have lost children to death, and some have watched children grow up and make their own adult decisions.

Sorry you are feeling a bit of an "empty-nester" as the first of your children is on his own. Being a successful mother can be bittersweet.....you wanted him to be self-sufficient, but you also still want him to be your child and nearby. Congratulate yourself on being such a good Mom, and turn your attention to your younger children who need you. What an accomplishment it will be when you see them also leave the nest. You will always be their Mom.

[mandyscott1974 in reply to HearYou]

thank you my child was murdered and nearly 21 years later still carnt come to terms with it I've had advice councillor and nothing seems to help me it's just constantly there all the time and think this is also why I'm so fearful to I struggle on a Dailey basis even when my full attention is on my girls I still manage to think.of my baby boy been told to.put it in back of my head and carry on alot but sorry I carnt do that he was and is my son xx

[HearYou in reply to mandyscott1974]

Hello again. My condolences on the loss of your young son and the sorrow you have experienced all these years. I lost my newborn son over 30 years ago; we never forget the feeling of such a loss.

Your original post focused on the decision of your adult son deciding to take some time off before pursuing his career, and that appeared to upset you as he was going to be away from you for awhile.

You don't think the counseling concerning the loss of your first son was helpful; perhaps you may wish to consider talking to friends and maybe seek some professional help again now to get you through this difficult time. Your adult son's leaving for awhile has appeared in some ways to have increased your feelings of loss of your son decades ago.

You have daughters who need you and you're a good mother who needs some help focusing on them now. My best wishes to you and your children as you search for a balance between sorrow of the past with the needs and joy of the present.xx