I stayed in a mental hospital

I stayed at a mental hospital for 5 days. It's was ok. I have some social anxiety and for a while I didn't try and reach out so when there was down time, I just kinda sat there. So I was depressed and bored relatively often and I was like "I could just do this as home but with more comfort and freedom." But the various activities and groups were good. I was tired a lot though. The pillow was horrible. Honestly, the food was pretty good. I didn't have to make it and it was better than school food, so I considered it a win-win.

I also met some nice people and cool techs.

I do feel a lot better than before I stayed, but I'm home now.

Also, they changed my meds from Zoloft to prozac and I do feel more emotionally even. Like instead of feeling really depressed or being triggered to feel anxious and extra depressed, I feel more neutral and the triggers didn't affect me as much. But being home so far has put me on the lower end of "meh".

Home is depressing. I want to try and be better, but I'm scared I'll fall right back into me habits. Plus, certain tasks that I should really do, seem extremely daunting and it makes me not want to do them and put it off.

It also doesn't help that no one messaged me. I didn't tell them I was gonna stay there. They knew nothing. But the fact no one that says I'm a friend messaged me at all over the week really bothers me. (Ok, some people knew but I'm not including them in this because if you know someone won't be able to see it or respond then you probably won't send them more than 1 or 2 messages saying you hope things go well or that you hope they feel better.) So yeah, that's depressing. AND 1 person I really thought would try to message didn't and we're both on spring break! (Yes, I spent my spring break in a mental hospital) and my other friend who I'm still kinda angry at didn't message when he says I'm one of his best friends (but I guess since I got "left out of the loop accidentally" then I guess I'm easily forgotten for them)(great now I'm even angrier at them. I don't really want to bother them tho cause he's been really stressed and already has a lot to deal with.)

Just thought I should update.

[Hidden]

Update on the update: I just got up and was gonna try to make some food with some nutrition value but none of the food I actually know how to make is healthy. Plus, I need to eat really soon and I need something quick. And the pan I would have used was dirty. The counter is a horrible mess. This place sucks. I hate it. No one else in the house actually cares about any mess. They're depressed too! My motivation is continuing to die very quickly. I kinda want to cry.

[Pearl67 in reply to Hidden]

Someone once gave the advice to list 3 things at the start of everyday and DO THEM. Just three. One could be, getting out of bed. But by doing this everyday, you start to break down your “to do’s,” and you feel great about accomplishing things!!!!

Start tomorrow with a list of 3!🙌🏻 Make sure to get outside!

[jkl5500]

Unfortunately, depression and anxiety don't clear up in a few days. It's not like the flu. You're going to have good days, and then backslide a little and have bad ones. It's important not to get discouraged.

Your friends may have felt uncomfortable with your situation, and weren't sure what to do. Maybe they decided to wait until you got home before contacting you.

[Hidden in reply to jkl5500]

But the friends I'm taking about didn't know I was gone.

I know depressed people can have good and bad days but I was doing pretty well and I'm so scared I'll slip right back into the mind set that makes everyday seem bad. I want to do better but sometimes things seem too daunting to tackle and I don't really know how to break them down. Just an example is putting all the pictures and posters back on my walls. In a depressive episode I took everything off my walls. I don't want to hang up one picture at a time like per day cause I don't wanna decide to put a different picture there and have to take a bunch of them down and move them multiple times. I'd rather get it all thought out but it seems to big. And I took all the crap off my dresser and end tables and it's just been allll over my bedroom floor. There too much stuff that I don't know what to do with but want to keep or I want to use it in the future or something. And there's A LOT of small stuff and there's just so much.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I didn't have to think about those things while I was away, but now I'm back in this environment and it just feels like too much.

No one else almost ever cleans the house. Either I just do it by my self and maybe get one person to do one menial tasks and I do everything else, or I don't do anything until my step dad is coming home and my mom wants him to come home to a clean house (cause he's kind of a neat freak about some things) and she'll do most of the "heavy cleaning" and make me do the rest.

I was cleaning the house before some of my friends came over the next day and I asked my mom if she would help me and she agreed. I cleaned my bathroom, dusted, vacuumed, and clean the countertops (that hasn't been cleaned in a bit and had splotches of stuff that had to soak). My mom did a half-assed version of sweeping the dinning room and kitchen. I tried to get her to help me clean the countertops but nooooo she was too busy on the phone. But the thing is she has a Bluetooth headset thing so her hands are completely free and one of her reasons for buying it was so that she could do stuff while on the phone, but evidently helping her daughter who really wanted the house to be clean for a friend she hadn't seen in months wasn't important enough! She literally stood there and watched me clean while talking on the phone! She didn't even tell me what cleaning stuff to use (there's a lot of cleaning things under the sink and I read them and stuff but the one I picked wasn't meant for kitchen counters so god forbid you tell me what you use! OH WAIT YOU DON'T CLEAN THE STUPID COUNTERS!) When I got snippy and irritated she was like "don't use that tone" I said "well maybe if you helped like I had asked you too I wouldn't be snippy" "you're the one that wanted it clean" "yeah and you said you would help me".

When I get like this I just angry over stupid things or things that happened a while ago and the anger festers into a grudge. And I already feel like I'm back to where I started.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I just want to stop!

I'm back to where I started if not further back.

I just want to stop crying.

All the progress I made just destroyed so quickly.

[jkl5500 in reply to Hidden]

What I do when I can't get started on cleaning up the house is just think, "I'm only spending an hour on this, and then I'll stop." (It doesn't have to be exactly one hour - any time limit will do.) The thought that I won't be doing this very long motivates me to get a lot done. The hardest part is always just getting started. After you start, you get some "momentum" and things get easier - at least it does for me.

[Aspergirl47 in reply to jkl5500]

Good advice...I was told exactly that by my Psychologist and I have Ocd and social anxiety...

[Jen456]

One step at a time. Clean the pan and a few other dishes then come update us. Then go back and cook and continue updating. You will feel relieved and productive. Put on happy music while you clean. Feel better. This will pass.

[Sarah1111111]

Hi,

I feel a bit like you, my house is a mess and ive no idea where to start. but im on annual leave this week so I figure I need to get on with it - also got 2 friends checking up on me which helps to motivate me to do something before they message me!! I like the idea of an hour then stop - hopefully itll make it seem not so daunting - just have to decide where to start now!

how about we both do an hour today and let each other know how we get on